"How do you type so fast?" Renee whispered incredulously. Hugo only shrugged and tapped along with their lecturer. He could feel Renee's eyes on him, but he didn't look away from the front of the room, where the teacher was ranting to them again. The lectures were always boring, but he had to pay attention to them if he wanted to do well.
Renee had been sitting with him in classes and lectures since they'd met almost a week ago. It was nice, having someone to spend time with in between work and classes, but they never really did anything off-campus. He hadn't told his father or his boss about her yet. He knew Robert would be happy for him, but he had no idea what his father would say. He wanted to keep something for himself for a little while.
Renee learned quickly that he didn't want to talk during classes. She laughed at him for being a 'goody-two-shoes' but he didn't mind it. He wanted to do his best and if that meant that Renee laughed at him a little, then so be it. He knew she didn't mean it offensively, so it was alright.
"Can I borrow your notes after this?" she asked, her breath hot against his ear. He shrugged away from the feeling. "I can't type as fast as you." She may laugh at him, but she knew his fast typing and diligent way of taking notes would help her in the long run.
The lecture ended not long after that, the lecturer reminding them of the assessment they had next week. Hugo was dreading it, but with the amount of study he did, he was sure he'd be fine. "Library?" he signed to Renee. It was where they usually went after class to trade notes. Sometimes Renee picked up on something his missed but for the most part, she copied down what he had.
"Yeah, come on. I haven't got much time tonight," she said and pulled him from his seat. As per usual they waited until the rest of the room was empty before they left. Her hand clasped around his wrist, she pulled him from the lecture hall and out into the cold afternoon air. He shivered and pulled his baggy jumper tighter around himself. The clothes made his feel smaller and more comfortable, but they didn't keep in the heat very well.
"What are you doing tonight?" he asked when he finally got his hand back. Sometimes Renee forgot that he needed his hands to speak with her and she'd grab them when they walked. She'd then wonder why he didn't reply when she asked him something.
"Oh, I go to this fortnightly slam poetry night at a cafe not far from here," she answered. "They usually suck but I'm friends with some of them, so I go to support them." She shrugged at him and opened the door to the library.
"Sounds nice," he signed. Most of the tables in the cold room were taken, but one towards the back sat empty. The library was always cold, it was as if the librarian didn't know the heater existed.
Renee smiled at him, eyes wide and dimples in her cheeks. "You could come if you want, you know," she said. "It would be cool if you did. I'd have someone to talk to while I listened to the awful stuff."
Hugo smiled but his hands hesitated in mid-air. "I don't know," he replied. That sounded too crowded, too loud. All he would get out of it was a panic attack and a bad experience. He couldn't deal with busy places, there was too much pressure placed on his to talk, to make friends. Renee would do the same thing as his father when they went out.
"Come on, it will be good," she argued, pulling her laptop from her satchel bag. "Well, not really because half of them can't write poetry to save themselves, but it's funny enough." He did want to spend time with Renee, but it was better when it was just them. He didn't want to face her friends and strangers and people who would question why he didn't speak. It scared him, make anxiety well within him.
"It doesn't really seem like my thing," he signed despite the longing in him to go out and do something new for once. It terrified him, but he wanted Renee to be his friend. Maybe the only way to keep her friendship would be to go out with her and face his anxiety. "But maybe it would be nice for an hour or so."
Renee grinned at him. "Great! And if you start feeling uncomfortable just let me know and we can leave, okay?" she said. He nodded, trying to hide the surprise from his face. He doubted she would leave with him if he needed to go. She'd probably just allow him to leave and stay behind to support her friends. "We can go after the next class today. I'll drop you home afterwards."
He didn't have work that night. Robert had given him the day off because they didn't have much business that week. Hugo had just been planning to go home to study and ignore his father. The idea of going to the cafe still scared him but maybe it would be better than listening to whatever it was his father had to say to him.
His stomach ached at the thought of going home and ached more at the thought of going to the poetry night, but one was a better alternative. At least if he didn't come home until late, his father wouldn't yell at him about how he did nothing with his life. He would have to get Renee to explain why he didn't speak but he doubted she would protest to it.
The pair of them went through the notes from the lecture, with Renee copying most of what he'd written. He laughed silently at her and she swatted him with her book. One day she'd be able to get most of the notes from their classes without copying off him. But at least she understood everything. He didn't have to teach her what any of it meant.
When they were finally done, Renee packed up their things and made him follow her to her car. "Excuse the mess, I am a slob and I'm not even ashamed of it," she said with a laugh. Old food wrappers littered the back seat and Hugo shook his head at the mess. They were complete opposites. Hugo had to have everything clean and tidy. Sitting in Renee's car would probably be more of an ordeal than going to the poetry night.
Even being mute, he didn't talk much to Renee on the way over to the cafe. His hands shook too much for him to speak. Renee didn't seem to mind, she was busy concentrating on driving. She was only on her P plates after all. "Freaking drivers around here freak me out so much," she muttered, more to herself than him.
He could understand it. He didn't drive for a few reasons. Owning a car was more expensive than it was worth and every other driver around him was insane. The number of times he'd nearly been hit just walking down the street was crazy. For him, being behind the wheel of a car was a death sentence. But that wasn’t the only reason.
"Come on," Renee said, back to her cheerful mood once she parked the car. "It's going to start soon." They got out of the car and instantly Hugo saw just how packed the cafe was. Barely any tables were empty and he and Renee had to push past people to get to one of them. They'd order something to eat later, it was better to get a table first.
Hugo sucked in a deep breath. He felt like he was suffocating with the number of people standing around him. In the corner of the room was a small stage with a seat and a microphone ready for the people reading out their apparently trashy poetry. He wondered how much of it was actually good and how much was Renee exaggerating.
Renee stood from the table with words he couldn't hear over the rabble of the cafe. He clenched his fists against the polished wood of the table. There were so many people and now he was alone. His stomach and chest ached and his breathing grew laboured. Someone bumped into him with barely a word and he only shook more in response.
Coming with Renee was a bad idea. He should have declined and gone home. Of course, she'd leave him behind, what else would she do? She was there to see her friends; he was just along for the ride. He could get up and leave now before he had a full-blown panic attack in the middle of a busy cafe.
Renee's smiling face appeared in front of him and he froze, halfway out of his seat. Her smile dropped when she got a good look at him. She placed the plate of chips and the two coffees on the table and moved around to squat next to him. "What's wrong? Hugo, what's going on?" she asked. There was so much worry in her voice. He'd never heard it before.
"Too many people," he signed with shaking hands. "I thought you'd gone. I couldn't hear what you said."
She wrapped her arms around him. "I'm sorry," she whispered in his ears. "I just went to get us something to eat and drink. I didn't realise you weren't so great with crowds, I'm sorry." He shrugged at her but couldn't find anything to say in response. What was there to say? It was pretty obvious how terrified he was. "Do you want to leave?"
Her question took him by surprise. She'd just spent money on food and drinks for them both but was willing to leave because he was scared. He shook his head. "No, it's okay. I'll be okay. I just need to sit somewhere less crowded." Perhaps he was stupid for choosing to stay when he was so uncomfortable, but he was an idiot and there was no changing that.
She nodded and walked with him as they found another seat towards the back of the shop, where barely anyone was. He was surprised at just how busy a poetry night was. He hadn't realised just how popular poetry was. He munched on chips and rested on the comfortable seat of a booth, Renee sipping on her coffee next to him.
"I'm really sorry, by the way. I should have realised you would be anxious," Renee said with a wave of her hand. "You're always anxious, I should have thought about it properly."
He frowned down at the table. "It's alright," he signed and shrugged. "I should have told you. I didn't expect it to be this busy." He should have asked how busy it would be before he agreed to go, but it was too late now.
"This is a little bit busier than usual, but they changed the days so I guess more people can make it now," Renee replied. She looked over the room with a frown. The room silenced slowly as someone sauntered up to the stage. Renee smacked his arm lightly in excitement. "Here we go, here we go. You ready for this?"
"I thought you said it was bad."
She shrugged. "It is, it's funny. Some are good, okay. Most are not," she said. It didn't take long for him to realise she was right. He held back a laugh at the awful descriptions of sex and women's body parts. It was cliché as hell and worse than he thought. Renee was cackling as quietly as she could at some of them, hands pressed against her mouth.
No one seemed to notice her laughing and if they did, it didn't matter too much. Others giggled to themselves but none of them laughed as much as Renee. His nervousness almost told her to stop but the laughter was probably the reason she went to the things.
Some of the poems were beautiful and sad, full of longing. Some were happy descriptions of a good time with friends and family that left feeling like he'd missed out on something amazing. Some of them could have been good if they weren't spoken by nervous stuttering teenagers, but he didn't judge them. He couldn't even speak because he was too scared.
He clicked his fingers along with the crowd at every performance and held back a smile at Renee's laughter. When it was finally over, a group of the better poets waved to her with a wide grin. Of course, Renee wouldn't be friends with the would-be poets, she'd laugh at them too much.
"Oh, did you want to come to meet them?" Renee asked when she saw them.
He shook his head. "No, I don't think that's a good idea. I'll be okay here," he said. He didn't want him or Renee to explain that he didn't speak. She hadn't asked any questions about it yet, but others weren't so accepting.
"Are you sure?" she asked. "I can give you my car keys and you can wait there if you want. I'll only be ten minutes." She glanced over her shoulder at her friends, her teeth chewing on her lip.
"I can stay here. It's only for ten minutes. It's not so bad now," he replied. She still looked concerned, but he waved her away. People had left during and after the poetry and the cafe was much quieter than it had been when he arrived. Renee wandered over to her friends and he smiled. He may be too nervous to speak with them, but at least she was happy.
He'd had a good time despite the almost panic attack he'd had and the bad poetry. He munched on the second bowl of chips Renee had bought them and sighed. He felt alright for once, there was still anxiety in his stomach, but it wasn't as bad as before. He smiled and something within him felt glad he'd decided to talk to Renee in the first place.
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