"That's a strange sight." I comment. Nole is jumping around like the idiot he is. I snort when he trips over a small pillow and falls on his face. "Is he ok?" Rose asks. I nod. "Yeah he is fine. Just a bit clumsy is all." She giggles and goes back to watching Hulu.

"So I promised to do a Q n A involving you." I say to Nole. He nods and I swing around in my chair. I type  on the computer and turn the camera on. "Come sit." I say and pat the chair next to me. He smirks and walks over. I stare at him while he easily pulls me up and sits me on his lap.

I pout and realize the stream was on. It's filled with people yelling in all caps about how cute we are. It's been a rough few months. I have been going to therapy and it works. I sigh and stare down at the bandages on my arms. I had a relapse when my parents came for parents day and told me about all the shit I have done wrong.

Jack is.. still Jack. He doesn't really like me but he stays away from my friends. I shake my head and smile at the camera. "Ok so we are doing a Q&A with Nole today since you all requested it." Rose groans loudly. I look back and smile at her. She gives me a thumbs up as I turn back around.

"Ok so the first question is, when did you two meet?" I sigh and rub the space in between my eyes. "He, how do I put this." I take a deep breath. "He lived across the street from me. We uh, I guess hung out until we didn't have time to talk to one another anymore. Then he beat me up." I say with annoyance.

He blushes. 'I uh.. yeah I did. I regret it everyday though. Doesn't make it right though." I let out a large sigh after saying that. "Look, don't hate him because he did one thing wrong. He heard something about me that I uh, hate about myself. I understand why he beat me up. I would have beaten me up too." I say softly.

The chat is filled with comments and people saying it was nice of me to allow him to be in my life like this. I force a smile and go to the next question. "Damien are you ok?" Nole whispers in my ear. I nod and give a brief smile. "I'm fine." I say and finish the stream.

"I need to go out for a bit." Nole says ok but makes me take my phone with me. I turn it all the way off and hurry to the roof. I let out a sigh and light a cigarette. I need to break up with him. I can't pretend like everything is ok when it isn't. I still love him but he deserves better.

I take out my phone and text him. The worst part is that he just says ok to me breaking up with him. I let out a little sniffle and throw my phone off the roof. I hear it shatter on the ground. How the hell did I get here? I thought I was happy. I guess not.

I'm not even mad at him though. I'm mad at myself for holding the people that I love back. I burden them with worrying about me. It's fucking pathetic. "I'm so pathetic." I mutter and end up falling asleep for two hours. I wake up when the sun shines on my face.

I groggily stand as I rub my eyes of the bleariness. I trudge downstairs and wash up in the bathrooms. Thank god they are empty. I look like shit. My eyes have large raccoon circles under them. I chew on my lip and go down to the canteen. After shoving an apple in my mouth I hurry to my class. 

Nole is already there with Ellie hanging all over him. I blink away tears, knowing I did the right thing. Charlotte is nowhere to be seen. I sigh and slouch in my seat. I stare blankly in front of me as I walk out of the class. Aaron and Luci are there but I just ignore them.

My body slowly makes its way to the pond. I sit on the grass and allow myself to doze off. When I awake the sun has gone down and it's pitch black outside. I just sit there, numbly. I feel tears rolling down my face but do I care? No. I just need Nole and the rest of them to be happy. If I'm not what makes them happy than that's ok.

"WHERE THE HELL IS HE?" I Roberts shout. "NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. HE..." His voice fades away. I curl up to pretend I'm anywhere but here. I end up falling asleep again. When I awake it's dawn and Roberts is shaking me.

"Damien, Damien. Look at me." I look at him with unfocused eyes. "Damien you need to come back to me alright." I continue staring at him. "Damien... look at me. I know you think we are a burden. I know you that you broke up with Nole. He came in crying that Ellie took his phone and sent an ok which would push you over the edge."

I feel myself crying. "I need you to find your mind again. I need you to feel enough because you are enough. You have a damn thin skull so I don't understand why it hasn't gotten through to you yet. Please come back to me Damien. I can't lose you for the third time." His voice gets soft at the last part. I start shaking and then feel a rush of emotions.

Before all I was feeling was numb. Now I was feeling stupid and grateful for this man who has shown me nothing but kindness while I cussed and ignored him all the time. "Roberts I'm so fucking sorry. I fucked up so bad." I say. He pulls me into a hug.

"Damien, Nole still wants you. Hell he never didn't want you. He is nervously waiting in the ward." I nod and stand up. Roberts guides me to the ward and I immediately start sobbing on Nole who rushes at me. He guides our bodies to the couch. I sob into his chest while he pats my back.

"Damien, Damien. It's going to be ok." He says over and over.