Damn that girl for pulling on my tail. It’s bad enough that I have to deal with this infernal body that I’m stuck in, but I have to put up with her constantly scrutinizing me. Why, the minute we returned her residence, or rather her guardian’s, she has the audacity to manhandle me! Of course, I didn’t take that lying down and put up a struggle because I have no idea what the girl would have done to me, but at that point it doesn’t matter. I will not be treated in such a manner and how dare she think that she can do as she pleases because I am in a canine’s body! I wiggle and writhe as best as I could in her grasp and bark in indignation until her useless relatives come to see what the commotion was all about, but they offer no help to either one of us and just watch us with amusement.

“He’s been a very bad dog and he’s dirty.” The girl manages to explain to her familial in between wrestling as she tows me into a room I’ve yet to visit on the ground floor. Now, at this point, I pull and push against her chain as she resorts to bodily picking me up - and I manage to squeeze out of her grasp a few times until she locks the both of us in a completely sterile white room. Once she has the latch in place, I’m free to roam the room as she gathers supplies for who knows what. The girl reaches to grabs me once again and puts me in a ceramic tub, turning a knob, and causing something behind the wall to groan. I don’t know what to expect but I start to panic as I’m suddenly rained on with cold water and yelp in surprise.

I don’t like it one bit, even as I realize it is water and is perfectly safe but that’s beside the point. “Oh, no you don’t”, I hear as I make a run for the other end of tub and try to jump out. The girl must be anticipating this from me as she catches me mid jump, holding onto my upper half of my body and actually steps in the tub with me. She sets me down, sits on the lip of the tub and doesn’t let go of my collar as the water rises around my haunches. Try as I might to escape, her position above me as well as her hold on my collar makes it impossible to maneuver around her, but not without me getting her wet in the process. I shake and jump on her just for the satisfaction of knowing that this annoys her as much as it does me and I see no problem in taking what little victories I can get. I don’t know how or when exactly my actions have come to the point where I have to put up with this chit that I’ve never met - such an insufferable individual - but for some reason I was, and still am, drawn to her.

My instincts told me that this girl is familiar, and I have come to trust in them as the only thing that is keeping me alive. I am surviving thus far, so I’ll stick with my gut. It’s that same gut feeling that draws me to the cliffside within that park and that same instinct that tells me that this girl will be pivotal in finding out more about myself. After today’s incident, I know I’m on the right track.

I was so close to touching the shimmering path, I could practically taste it! My sense of smell was heightened to dizzying proportions as I neared it. I not only glared at the chit as she yanked on my tail earlier - it wasn’t that bad, it felt almost as though she got a hold of my leg and shocked me - but she held me back from my answers! Technically, she may have held herself back as well. I noticed that slight pause she gave while she held me still and looked over the cliff as though she saw what I saw.

Whatever she may have seen didn’t affect after she shook off her agape expression and since I ran off without her consent, she didn’t quite trust me after that. I heard her say, she “Macgyvered the shit” out of her belt as she pulled it from her trousers and made a makeshift leash to walk me back home.

I can wait. I’ve been patient thus far but I will have my answers and I will have them soon.

I don’t know how long I was in this body of a furry mongrel, but it was as though I woke up one day not too long ago in this form and knew that something was wrong. Since I had that revelation, I questioned if I am supposed to be canine or if I’m a human being. It was as though I was suddenly conscious and aware of light after being in the dark far too long. There was a gaping hole in my memory that would have otherwise been filled with days of puppyhood till now if I was supposed to be only a dog. Deep down, I knew what was missing were days of something more. Days and days on end of wandering aimlessly with no destination or goal in mind, yet I had dearly hoped that my lot in life wasn’t to end up as a flea-bitten dog on the street.

There had to be more!

So, I started to search for something, anything that would point to what had happened to me. I knew I had lived contented as a simple dog, but something snapped me out of that stupor and I couldn’t let that knowledge that my life was more than what it seemed on the surface. I needed to know more and so I walked around day and night for any hint of who I was before being a street dog until it all bottlenecked to a point where I caught a familiar smell in the air. It wasn’t just that one time or five, really. The scent I picked up on was becoming a pattern on my search and I needed to follow it. Unfortunately, mid-tracking said scent, it usually faded away as though it was carried on the wind and scattered until no trace was left and so, I lost interest. This would happen for weeks on end and what would start out as a mere happenstance that puzzled me soon became a mysterious piece that I held on to and obsessed about as it was the only consistent aspect of my life that gave me a goal to focus on during my wanderings.

Don’t ask me how many days this occurrence happened but I am ashamed to admit it has gone on for weeks if not months before I got frustrated by my whole situation and decide to just sit at that very spot where the last traces of that alluring smell were detected. I was resolute to wait it out and bide my time until something…anything can provide answers to questions that plague and festered within me.

On a rather windy day, I laid down under the shade of a tree, and there it was again! I didn’t wander far from the area in the hopes that it would reappear once again. The scent that drove me slowly insane, its presence in the back of my mind like a riddle that hasn’t been solved or that glimpse of a memory that you aren’t quite sure is a dream or reality. I sat up not sure of what to expect or what I would see so I wait patiently as the scent got stronger by the moment. The breeze picked up slightly and I stood from my upright position on the grass and laid on the sidewalk, effectively blocking the path of whatever carried that scent. The warm sunrays beat upon my back as I sat and listened to the birds twitter insistently when another sound, soft and almost imperceptible caught my attention among the cacophony around me. My posture was ramrod straight just in case I need to spring into action from my spot. Then something I didn’t expect came into my view and I instantly knew this was it. She was what I was looking for! My elation suddenly soured as the girl that was the sole source of the scent was just as lost, if not more so, than I was. The curious little chit seemed to be almost half my age and I didn’t know where I knew her from but something in my gut told me she is more than a mere acquaintance.

Something was not right as I had this gut feeling that I was going to find all the answers that was shrouded around my existence, as though it as suddenly lifted upon our meeting. I reveled in the one certainty that I needed all those days, all those weeks, all those months of aimless wandering was finally solved when my eyes met hers.

I am not a dog.

Well, yes, at the moment, I was and still physically, am. Nights in dark alleyways, hunting for food and reducing myself to begging and groveling but knowing all the while thinking ‘this is not right’. Thinking about how I disgraced myself during those times and had to swallow my pride for meager scraps of food, makes you really evaluate what your current standards and priorities are, but I digress. The longer I observed the girl, the more I am confident I was in the fact that she was indeed aware that I’m more than just a mere dog.

I wake up in the middle of the night a bit startled by my surroundings and hear someone whine on the bed. I am disoriented and innately feel that something is not right. It takes me a moment to realize I am in the girl’s room and I inch closer to her sleeping form and then something curious happens. I come near her and reach out to touch her, wake her from her nightmare, when I suddenly realize that my hands are human once again. I marvel at the sudden change in appearance by my unusual form when look at these human hands, turning, flexing them and making sure they are truly my own hands.

One can truly forget oneself if not acquainted over a long period of time. Many may call the that phenomena ‘going native’ but I my own experience is more visceral than that. I had paws, fur, walked on all fours and saw, smelt, heard the world as a dog. I wasn’t merely masquerading as an animal but was actual one in the flesh.

I hear the girl shift again before I see her toss and turn, and I reach down to shake her lightly but she’s too deep in her slumber. I try again, this time a bit more persistent.

“Amber.” I said keeping my voice low, so as not to startle her but startle myself for the second time tonight upon hearing the low register of my own voice. I realize that I said her name and I don’t recall where I heard it before but am certain that is her name. I continue to lightly shake her shoulder until she started to stir a bit. She takes a deep breath to calm herself. When her breathing slows to a regular tempo, she slightly opens her eyes, bringing a hand up to rub them as she becomes more aware of her surroundings.

“Ms. Atoa, you were having a nightmare.”

Her eyes look upon my face and her body relax as she realizes she not in her dream world. We both don’t say anything to the point where I was sure she drifted asleep again until I hear a barely audible whisper from her.

“I don’t think I’ve had a dream as vivid as that since I was a kid.” the girl sounds very exhausted and vulnerable, unlike sassy and vibrant thing she normally is during the day. “It was horrible, but I can’t seem to remember now that I’m awake.”

I have no doubt that what she saw in her dream was terrifying to her, as dreams come from our own thoughts and memories.

Our greatest terrors are often ones we create within ourselves.

“Do try to go back to sleep.” I try to sound reassuring and resolute.

“I don’t know if I can.” I hear her voice tremble for the first time since she’s spoke, pursing her lips and furrowing her brow, probably trying to figure out what has shaken her in her most vulnerable state. Her fear is very palpable in the room. I know it as well. I may not have my memories, but the voids in the recesses of my mind coerce my inner demons from my past to come out and play at night only to leave the same, sour fear as a reminder of what transpired over the night.

I suppose we are both plagued by our past, but we can at least take comfort in knowing we’re not alone in our struggles. I straighten to stand up and I instantly feel her hand grasp my own and her eyes look up at me anxiously.

“Please don’t leave.”

I offer a tight smile of my own and nod.

“I will not be far.” I whisper softly as I squeeze her hand in reassurance and sit on a cushioned chair beside her bed. She pulls her covers and pillows closer to her person and closes her eyes, letting sleep take her while she still clasps my hand. My own eyes start to close and sleep didn’t evade me much longer.