Dear #2, 

Please don't ever come to think less of me for my mistakes. I know I make a lot of them, yet you never seem to hang onto them for long. You really just go with the flow and help me up when I fall. I admire that about you.

Letter 4:

I should've gone to bed, but for some reason I had the urge to finish the show I was watching. I've seen it many times before. It's one of my favorite love stories that rips my heart out and makes me cry like a baby, but it's never hit me this hard before. Paul, I love you. I love you more than any words could ever come close to describing. I've always wanted to fall in love with someone like the shows and movies. Watching the show again made me ache inside. I want a love and relationship with you just like that. Minus the not so desirable ending. I'd tell you about the show, but I want you to watch it. You probably won't like it though since you're not that into anime and whatnot, so you don't actually have to watch it. You can always ask me to tell you about it, okay? I never wanna lose you, Paul. You've made my life so much more colorful since meeting you, and a joy for life that I never understood actually happened outside of the movies. I had a really good cry and reality check after finishing that show. It helped me realize how happy you actually make me. Watching them fall in love with each other and the small gestures they do, I want it all. I love our late night phone calls, the way you look at me like a person and not an object, your ways of saying you love me, your goofy self, how your eyes light up when you get excited about something, when you tease me about our inside jokes, the way you blow me kisses, leaving me missing you before you even hang up, the cute voicemails when I'm busy, your sob story life, your deepest secrets, that smirk when you're up to no good. I want it all. Everything. Paul, my #2 because you're too stinky to be my #1. I want all your troubles and pain. I want you to think about me in the little things and feel my love for you in everything I say and do. You mean everything to me, and I couldn't have hoped for anyone better. I never want you to leave. If a time ever comes when you do though, I just pray that you find happiness. I wanna be the one who makes you happy. I wanna be there for you in the happy, bad, sad, any and all moments. I want you to rely on me. I want you to save me from creepy crawlers and freaky fliers, to hold me when I'm sad. I wanna feel your arms around me when I cry and need comfort, to laugh at me when I fall but pick me up afterwards. I want you to hold my hand just because yours is cold, kiss me because you love me, call me when you're bored with nothing better to do, text me when you see something that reminds you of me. It's selfish, I know.. but it's true. I want you to be the one and only one for me, because you are the one who's shown me there's a reason to live, a smile to wake up to, a reason to want to look nice for someone. I want you to pick me out of the crowd. I want to mean something to you. 

Being this selfish feels so out of character for me.. but it's all true. I know this letter makes me seem super needy, but I don't think I've ever been this clear on what I wanted. People can take whatever they want from me, but I would but up one hell of a fight for you. I don't know how to get you to understand how much I really do care for you. 

You really do bring out the best in me Paul. You still do. I love you even more for that.