Dear Raven,

I know this isn’t the best way to say goodbye, but crap. I can’t tell you all of this in person. We both know I’m a let down most of the time. Yeah we graduated and honestly if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t of been walking across that stage, but there’s a lot I didn’t tell you. I know I messed up and please don’t hate me. My phones going to be shut off soon, but I won’t lose your number. I promise. I’ll find a way to text you. You’re gonna be pissed at me, but I can’t redo the past. What was I saying again? Oh yeah! Uh yeah. Your boy is a let down. I don’t know where the hell I’m going in life, so there’s no use on wasting money for schooling I might not even use. If I don’t go to college I can’t live here and I can’t waste more of my parent’s money like that.

This is going to hurt to say… Write? I don’t know. Okay? I was there when you found your mom and I remember all the advice she gave me. She warned me about all the dumb crap people do and what drinking and smoking can do to a person. I should’ve listened to her better. Maybe I wouldn’t be leaving if I did. When I went that party and I met Micah, David, Nathan, and Anthony I wasn’t just getting high. I drank. I drank a lot of things and I don’t know how bad it got. I blacked out, but the last thing I remember seeing in my hand was some pills. I don’t know what happened that night, but the guys said I didn’t do anything with anyone else. The only time I wasn’t high or drunk with them was when you met them. Every other time we hung out we were drinking and smoking and I was disappointing you.

When Willow got sick and you came over so fast I saw what I was doing and I’m so sorry. I’m so so so sorry, Raven. Whiskey can’t hug you. Weed can’t kiss you. That stupid crap can’t deal with problems and help you through them. It just pushes off your issues for a bit and I didn’t mean to hurt you. I know you still had your nightmares and I’d wake up to 10 missed calls everytime I passed out. I know I should’ve been there for you. Thank you for keeping me safe after the Riley thing. You’ve done so much for me and I’m going to try to stay safe, but if I need to do something to survive I’m going to have to. If i have to steal food then I will.

You’re gonna be mad about this too, but I’ve stolen before. I’ve never stolen anything more than 50 dollars, but still. I know I should’ve told you all of this. Please don’t be mad and please don’t cry. I’ll find you again. I promise. I need you, but I can’t pay bus fees for 2 people and your dad wouldn’t let you come with me. Please don’t hate me, Raven. I love you. I love you so much. I would say you’re like family to me, but you don’t make out with family and you’re much more than that. You’re my ride or die. I’ll stay alive and I expect you to do the same.

I gotta go put this on your door before you get home, so I should stop writing. Excuse the tear marks please. I’m weak I know, but you can call me whenever you get this. Before I wrote this I had my middle name changed as a way of keeping you with me in a way. So with that being said, I’m gonna go put this at your house and get my 50 dollars for travelling and food from my parents. I’m bringing the Jacket you gave me and I’ll put a list of places I’m going on the back of this. I love you, Raven. I promise I’ll see you again. Goodbye. Please don’t hate me.

See you soon,

Justin O’Siris Alduin

THE END