It was a Sunday evening when I finally got to meet the whole band. Val had invited me to attend to one of their rehearsals, and after all the work I had to deliver and everything else that was happening, I needed the distraction.
I was sitting at a small bench at one corner, resting my back against the soundproof walls of the studio. Val had lent me a set of earplugs, since the event was a little too loud for comfort. She and the others — Zack, Ian and Tom — were working on their new songs. Well, “working” might be kind of a strong word. Half of the time all they did was laugh at each other’s jokes, drink, smoke, and often just play bits of cover songs for the fun of it. When they actually did any work, it was mostly showing each other little snippets of composition, tweaking them into new songs, rewriting tracks, and practicing some more technical sequences over and over until they were more or less acceptable. But even this was far too often interrupted by Zack — who actually played the keyboard when offstage — in the middle of the songs to talk about some new stupid idea that just occurred to him. To me, who usually spend anywhere between 10 to 12 hours a day in front of a computer, focused and productive, that carefree attitude hardly felt like work.
We were there for three hours. It was Valerie who decided to call it a day, after Zack had interrupted the same song for what seemed like the fifth time.
“Guys, I’m gonna have to leave you,” she said. “My migraine is back.”
Zack seemed upset. “Can’t you just take those meds of yours?” he suggested.
Val shook her head slowly. “I won’t if I can help it. You know I hate pills, Zacky.” Then she turned to me. “Babe, can you take me home, please? I’m not feeling too well, right now.”
That surprised me. “Uh, sure!” I said, getting up. “Want me to call you a cab?”
“It’s okay, I can walk,” she told me, as she took my hand and led me downstairs to the exit. “My place’s just a short walk from here anyway.”
We began walking together in silence. I never had any idea of what to do or say when someone next to me is sick, so I just stood near Valerie and hoped she wouldn’t faint in the middle of the street or something.
Her phone buzzed. She looked at the screen and laughed, before showing me the text.
Ian:
Tell your migraine it was really nice to meet her.
“What the heck?” I asked, furrowing my brows.
“He means you,” Valerie explained. “Zack’s oblivious and Tom doesn’t care, but Ian always knows when I’m faking it.”
I stopped walking and stared at her face, astounded.
“I can’t believe you!” I exclaimed. Valerie said nothing. She simply took my hand in hers and kept walking by my side, with a smile on her face. “Seriously though,” I continued, “you didn’t have to leave because of me.”
“I didn’t,” she said, “I left because I wanted to. Zack was being a pain in the ass, and I honestly prefer to spend time with you than put up with that.”
“Are you sure about this, Val?” I asked. “I mean, I don’t want to get in the way of your work.”
“I’m sure,” was all she said. Then she stopped walking again, and turned me around gently so that I was facing her. We were standing on the sidewalk next to a park. Val was looking me in the eyes intently and smiling. Her fingers caressed mine so gently that it actually made my heart skip a beat.
“What’s up, Val?” I asked her, nervously. “Something wrong?”
She shook her head and began walking again, still keeping my hand firmly inside hers.
“It’s nothing,” she said. “I just wanted to look at you.”
I felt queasy, hearing Val say that. I had no idea what she was thinking, or why she acted the way she did. Valerie Lira was a mystery to me, one that I had yet to solve. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to accomplish that feat, though. She kept surprising me, showing me new sides of her I hadn’t seen before. One minute I thought I had her figured out, the next she went and did something unexpected and I was once again at a loss.
We stopped at a corner, waiting for the lights to change so we could cross the street. Valerie let go of my hand and turned to face me.
“Okay, that’s enough, Gigi,” she said, holding my arms with both hands. “I know there’s something wrong, and you’re not telling me. What’s bugging you, honey?”
That surprised me. Was it so obvious that it even showed on my face? She was right. Ever since my meeting with Mark Phillips earlier that week I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that job offer. I hadn’t intended on talking to Valerie about it. We weren’t really dating or anything, it wasn’t my place to bother her with my personal problems.
“It’s just a work thing,” I told her, being intentionally vague. “Don’t worry about it.”
“You can tell me,” she said. “Maybe I can help you with that.”
I shrugged and looked away. This really wasn’t something anyone could help me with, but I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to talk about it with Valerie.
I opened my mouth to tell her, but was interrupted when I heard my name being called from somewhere behind me.
“Giulia?” asked a familiar voice.
I turned around to look. A tall woman was standing on the sidewalk beside us. She wore expensive-looking suit and glasses, and the expression on her face could be read as either shock or indifference, depending on how well you knew her.
“Crap,” she said, “it’s really you.”
I winced. “Nice to see you too, Priscilla.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Is it really, Giulia?”
I didn’t answer that. We both knew that it wasn’t, no. At that point in time we really weren’t on speaking terms anymore. Pri’s a part of my past that I didn’t want to revisit. It wasn’t as if everything about our nearly three-year-long relationship was bad, not at all, but the way we had ended it, with her cheating on me and accusing me of not loving her anymore, that had left some long-lasting wounds on both of us.
“Who’s the new girl?” she asked, eyeing Valerie up and down. I hated when she did that. She made it sound as if I was with a different girl every week, even though she was much more likely to do that than I was.
“Don’t call her that,” I snapped.
Pri chuckled. “Why not? You’re obviously sleeping with her. Or is she yet another straight girl you fell in love with?”
Priscilla’s words were like acid, they seemed to burn my skin once they were sputtered from her mouth. I could feel Pri’s pain in her voice. She, too, was still shaken from our breakup. Still, I hadn’t been the only one at fault, it wasn’t fair of her to treat me like that.
I rubbed my temples, an old habit from back when we’d been together.
“Pri, do you remember what I said to you last time we talked?”
“Yeah, I know. You don’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. You don’t have to repeat yourself.”
“Then why did you call me that day? Why are you even talking to me right now?”
Priscilla’s face scrunched. I could tell my words hurt her once more.
“Because I missed you, Giulia,” she said, spite dripping from every word. “I missed you and I wanted to talk to you. Because maybe you would have finally gotten over that ridiculous crush of yours. Maybe we could still have a chance. But I see now that I was the only one thinking that way,” Priscilla glanced at Valerie.
I had to take a deep breath to keep myself from crying. Priscilla still had that effect on me. Worst part is, I might not have been completely over her yet. But I wanted to. I couldn’t forgive her for what she’d done and I wanted to move on. And I needed her to know that.
“I can’t, Pri. I can’t and I won’t.”
“Figures,” she chuckled, but I knew Priscilla well enough to know that she was on the verge of tears as well.
The light turned green, but none of us moved yet.
“Whatever,” said Priscilla with a sigh. “By the way, new girl,” she called, looking at Valerie. “She doesn’t love you. She only cares for a certain straight woman. Just thought you should know.”
That angered me. “Piss off, Pri!” I spouted. Priscilla started to cry, then turned away and ran across the street. I couldn’t move. Tears began to roll down my cheeks, as I stood next to Valerie, feeling miserable for what felt like hours.
Valerie took my hand.
That stunned me for a moment. I looked at her face through the tears, and couldn’t quite make out what her expression was telling me. Was that sadness or sympathy?
“I’m sorry,” I said, wiping the tears with the cuffs of my blouse.
“Don’t be,” she told me, simply.
We said nothing else on our way to Valerie’s apartment. The silence was at the same time comforting and unsettling. Comforting because I had no idea what to say to Valerie after what had just happened, but unsettling because I also did not know what she thought of it, or if she believed in Priscilla’s spiteful words.
Once there, I sat on her bed, and she gave me a cup of water, both of us still keeping in silence. I began to cry again. Meeting up with Priscilla brought back to me all the details of our breakup. I remembered how I felt when I found out what she’d done, or how it hurt to hear her accuse me, back in the day, when I knew that every single one of her arguments was true. It felt like no amount of time would ever be enough to completely close that wound.
Valerie gave me everything I needed, then. She gave me the silence to think, a place to be with no memories around me, her embrace to comfort me, and her kindness to soothe my heart. I cried myself to sleep in her arms.
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