“How are you doing Ash?” My little sister asked over the phone. I have not talked to her since I’ve moved here, I feel a little bad about it. 

“I’m great Celest, I’m doing really well actually. What about you, how are you doing little one?”

Growing up Celest and I were very close. Although we grew up with our parents we were all we had, our parents weren’t there for us. We were all that we had.

Our father was an an abusive alcoholic and our mother was too busy sleeping with the man from her office to try to help us. She left my sister and I with that man, basically leaving us to die there. At least that is what it seemed like, one less problem for her to have.

We managed to survive to this day but the things that we had to go through was painful.

“I’m happy if that counts. I miss you though Ash, I miss you a lot. It isn't the same without you here.”

“As do I Celest. You gotta come visit me here, you would love it. I have plenty of room for you! Your company would be so appreciated..” I would love for her to come see me, even stay with me for a week or so. 

“Of course brother. You tell me when and we can make it happen. I wouldn’t want to intrude though, I know you have already met a special someone.” As if.

If only it were that easy.

I seen Ari again a few days ago, we had sex and right after he told me to leave like before. I don’t know why it hurt my feelings but it did. I didn’t want to leave, I wanted to stay with him. Wanted to wake up next to him and hold him.

He doesn’t want that though. I don't even understand why.

“You would not be intruding one bit. I haven’t found anyone here yet, I’m not really looking for one either. Just trying to move in and get used to everything still.” 

The last time Ari and I seen each other the sex was great, even better than the last time. I could tell he had a lot built up and I didn’t mind him using me to take his mind off of it.

His rules still applied though, the whole ‘don’t kiss or touch me’ deal. I thought it was just that time but apparently no.

I wonder why he is like that, I want to know so much more about him that I can't stand it.

“Well I must go Ash, I have school in the morning. I love you, please don’t be a stranger again.”

“I love you too Celest. I’ll definitely keep in touch more often.” Once we hung up I tossed my phone to the side and laid down on my bed.

"What are you going to do boy!? You ain’t nothing but a kid.” My father yelled at me as I stayed in front of my sister.

I’m not going to let him have her. I can't let him.

“Stay away from her. I won’t let you touch her again.” He chuckled and balled up his fists. As terrified as I was, I wasn't going to back down from him.

“You want another beating boy? You must get off by them, you always ask for it.” He couldn't help but to laugh at his comment, there was nothing funny about this.

“Daddy please—“

“Anything to keep her safe.” I didn’t care what happened to me, as long as she was safe.

"Look, she even calls me daddy. Move aside Ashton. Go to your room." He took a step forward so I took a step back with Celest.

"I said, back the fuck up. You are not touching her. I'll take as many beatings as possible to keep you away from her." I could feel my sister shaking behind me, I hate how scared she is.

He began laughing out loud as he came at me. I closed my eyes and awaited for his fists to make contact.

Celest was always our fathers first victim, I was able to save her often but there were times there was nothing I could do to help her and I had to grow up with that.

I hate thinking about that, I honestly just want those memories to go away. Sometimes I think about how nice it would be to have someone by my side to help me forget about that.

Someone who can comfort me when the nightmares happen.

But as of right now, that is nearly impossible for me.

The one person who I am beginning to really like doesn’t feel the same way, I don’t even know why I like him at all for the simple fact that we barely talk when we see each other.

It’s always a simple hey and then straight to us having sex. I know nothing about him, even when we text there isn't much said.

I want to know so much more about him I want him to open up a little towards me, even if it's just a small little detail. I don't want to feel like I like someone for nothing.

"Don't think too hard, you'll hurt yourself." The sound of a voice right in my room made me yelp like a little child. I looked in my door way to see Ari right there, how in the almighty hell did he get in here?!

"What the hell Ari?! You about killed me, what are you doing in here? No how are you in here?!" I had so many questions and not enough answers. 

"I was walking by and I seen that your door was slightly opened so I was making sure that you were at least here....And not murdered. Sorry for the scare. May I sit down?" I sat up and scooted over for my man...the man.

"Go for it...Damn man you literally almost gave me a heart attack. I thought I was a goner for sure." He let out a little laugh and leaned back. God does he have a beautiful smile.

"You are lucky it was just me and not someone else, lucky for you I wouldn't hurt you...bad." He bit his lip and then licked it.

Wait a whole minute. 

Why is the real reason he is here? As much as I want to be intimate with him I can't keep letting him have his way.

"What do you think you are doing Ari?" As I said this he put his hand lightly on my cheek and just looked at me.

"What do you want me to do?" His voice, his eyes, his lips. It is all too much for me to handle. I want it all, I want him all to myself.

"Talk to me...I don't know.." I sort of mumbled all of that, I got embarrassed once it left my lips. 

"I am talking to you." He began getting closer to my face making my stomach and heart flutter like a butterfly on speed.

I couldn't help but push him away a little bit, I have to stand my ground at least a little bit. I can not let him always win with me and not get much out of it.

"No like I actually want to talk to you Ari. I don't want you to leave me as soon as you get done, it doesn't..."

"Doesn't what?"

"It just doesn't feel right." Ari go as close to my face as he could without kissing me, it was enough to make me melt right in his arms.

How does he do this to me?

"Oh puppe, you already talk too much." With that being said he licked my lips and got up. Wait a second!

"Where are you going?" I already know that I sounded like a little child.

"I must go, like I said I was just checking up on you." And just like that he left. How dare he do this to me and my feelings. 

And what was that he called me? Puppy? Poppy? He even said it in some type of accent that I have no clue about. I can't even look it up to know what he said if I have no clue what he said!

Back to the matter at hand though. 

Why do I like him so much!? Why do I keep going back for more, I don't understand myself at all. I laid back down on my bed and closed my eyes letting sleep take over me.

"Listen to me Celest." I said to my sister as I hid her in our secret spot. "You do not make a single noise okay? Do not leave this spot until I come back and get you." She had tears running down her cheeks, which was breaking my heart but I couldn't let her see me cry.

"Stay here with me Ash, please. Please don't go out there with him." I had to, it was the only way he would leave her alone for now.

"I'll be back, I always come back. Don't worry sister, just close your eyes, cover up your ears and think of our happy place. You remember our place?" I needed to get her to calm down a bit.

"The fields."

"Yes, the fields. I love you Celest, I will be back." I kissed her forehead and shut her in the spot. I took a deep breath and found my father storming around the house looking for Celest.

Or me.

"Where is she?" I could smell the alcohol from where I was standing. He was real bad this time.

"I don't know what you are talking about." 

"Where is Celest?!" He screamed at me causing me to flinch back some. I can not show him no fear.

"She stayed with her friend, she told you she was. Maybe if you weren't so deep in your bottle you would have remembered that." All I was doing was making him so much more mad.

He threw his bottle across the room causing it to shatter all over the place.

"You wanna protect her? Then so be it boy." He came at me but I was going to stand my ground.

As he got to me I swung on him hitting him right in the mouth. He was so numb it did nothing to him. He laughed at me and hit me in my stomach, putting me to the floor.

Usually he stops when he gets me down. Not this time.

"Come on out Celest! Or your brother won't live to see another day!" As he was yelling for my sister he would keep hitting me everywhere he could find.

Please Celest...Please stay hidden..

I woke up from my dream with sweat all over me. 

Damn it, I thought those dreams were gone, I haven't had one in a long time I don't understand why they are coming back.

My father hurt me real bad that night, after that Celest and I were sent away to our Aunt so she could take care of us. No one had any idea what was happening to us we weren't allowed to see any other family members because of our parents.

This is why I want some one, why I crave affection. I had to watch my father sexually assault my sister and beat me half to death, I don't want to want to have to do it all over again.

I just want to be loved.

'We don't have to talk, but can we at least be in each others presence without having sex?' It was worth a shot, the worst he can say is no...right?

'Saturday, we are going out with friends. I'll give you more details later. Be there.' 

Well that worked out better than expected. I actually feel some type of relief about it too.

Or maybe that is excitement. 

I really hope things go well for me, and well him. I want to be apart of his life in more than one way. I am going to show this to him and he won't be able to resist what I have to offer.