|| Monday, early evening ||

Callum had tried to push the discussion with his friends to the back of his head so that he could focus on Elliot completely. He hadn’t really succeeded, and while he was seated with Elliot in his room, he missed half of the things Elliot said to him.

So, when Elliot asked him what was wrong, Callum sighed in defeat, leaning his head on a hand while staring at Elliot.

“Some of my friends are annoyed because I never hang out with them anymore.”

“And why don’t you?”

“Because I’m booked with tutoring, and it’s pretty exhausting to be honest.”

“Oh…” Elliot blinked his eyes but didn’t show any further physical response. “Well, if it’s too much, I would understand if you want to stop. I don’t think it’s really helping anyway.”

“It’s our fifth session, Elliot.” Callum said with a shrug. “And honestly, you do understand a few more emotions already.”

“But I don’t feel them.”

“Do you really not feel them, or are you suppressing them?”

“I don’t think I am. At least not with most. Like, anger? Definitely suppressing it. But you told me about love and such and I read into it. I even read ‘Romeo and Juliet’ during the weekend.”

“You did?”

“Well, yeah. You said it’s the best feeling in the world, love, romance, those emotions. I know what feelings should come with it, but I don’t feel it.”

“But you read Romeo and Juliet because of it?”

Elliot shrugged, and flashed a small, shy smile. “I wanted to know more. I want to be able to feel that good. But tell me, is that how you feel about me?”

“How I feel about you? Like Romeo and Juliet?”

“Would you die for me?”

“We’re nothing like Romeo and Juliet,” Callum started, but Elliot shook his head so he stopped talking again.

“If you think about it, we are like them. But it’s not our families that are our problem, but the system and the fact you’re not supposed to hang out with people like me. If we’d be together, people would frown upon us for the rest of our lives. And I’m pretty sure your family would try to keep you away from me.”

Callum thought about what Elliot said, and it did sound a bit similar. He knew his parents would go ballistic if they’d find out he was in love with someone like Elliot. Not even to mention what they would react like if they would actually be together.

Callum shuddered at the thought but stopped when he stared right into Elliot’s eyes. His brown eyes stared right back at him, while the teeniest smile lingered on his lips. It made him that much cuter whenever he would smile. Callum knew, from the few times Elliot had actually smiled in the past few years.

Whenever Elliot did smile, he was glowing, he was beautiful, and Callum couldn’t stop thinking about that smile whenever he really looked at Elliot. He wanted to make Elliot smile more often. A lot more often.

“So, if you think about love. What gesture or action is best used to express those feelings?” Elliot suddenly asked, turning back to face his notebook. “Hugging, or kissing, or sex?”

“Well, all of it and more. Having sex is supposed to be the ultimate deed to show each other love. But you can have sex out of sheer lust too. That isn’t rare,” Callum said with a shrug. “And hugging someone doesn’t automatically mean you are in love with them. You love your parents in a different way. You hug your friends in a brotherly manner.”

“And kissing?”

“Well, actual kissing can be used for lust too, but I think tender kisses are always a sign of love. Like, you don’t French-kiss your parents or friends. And when you’re kissing out of lust it’s different. But kissing someone the right way?” Callum took in a content breath. “That, to me, is the best way to show someone your feelings. Or more so, to make them feel it.”

“Then, why did you never kiss me?” Elliot blinked rapidly, furrowing his brows while he grabbed a pen to scratch something on his paper.

“Because you don’t just kiss someone.”

“But you said it’s the ultimate way to make them feel your feelings. I want to experience those feelings. So why don’t you?”

“That’s not… what I meant,” Callum muttered, searching for a logical explanation in his mind. “I don’t think it works when you don’t experience the feelings yourself,”

“You don’t think so. But you’re not sure,” Elliot closed his notebook. “When people start dating, they kiss. When they’re attracted to each other, they kiss. It’s almost always a first step in something bigger. I want to experience something bigger than what I do right now.”

“Yeah but…”

“Don’t you like me?” Elliot asked plain simple, turning to face Callum again after putting away his notebook and pen. “You said you like me.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Then you should want to kiss me, right?”

“Yes, I do… but I’m not gonna…”

“Why not? I want to.”

“For the wrong reasons,” Callum weakly protested. Oh, he would love to kiss those soft lips, he would love to let Elliot feel what he was feeling. But he was pretty sure that wasn’t how it worked. “I’m not going to make use of your confusion.”

“I’m not confused, I’m curious.”

“You’re… curious.” Callum’s eyebrows flew up while he stared at Elliot. “That’s new. That’s actually, great. It’s a secondary combination—”

“Screw the dyads and everything,” Elliot stopped Callum from grabbing his notebook again, by grabbing hold of his hand. “It’s trust and surprise combined. I Trust you, and I’m surprised by everything I learned about love. And I want to see if kissing will help me feel those emotions you like so much.”

“Do you really want me to kiss you? Because first of all, I’m a guy, and secondly, you’re not in love with me.”

“No, but what isn’t there can still come once I gain control over my emotions, right?” Elliot took a deep breath. “So, unless you really don’t want to kiss me, I don’t see why we shouldn’t.”

“Well…” Callum started, but he had no answers. Elliot wanted him to kiss him, and he wanted to kiss Elliot for so long, he was shocked Elliot was asking him to do so.

Elliot silently waited for him to come up with a response, but Callum was drawing a blank. Eventually he took hold of Elliot’s hand, pulled him closer, and used his free hand to cup Elliot’s cheek.

For a few silent seconds they were staring at each other.

And then Elliot leaned in far enough to connect their lips in a careful kiss. A kiss that did things to Callum. It made him feel things that he had never felt before. He wanted to stop time from running and stay there, with Elliot, in the safety of his bedroom.

He knew damn well he hadn’t been trying to deny Elliot a kiss because of Elliot. No, he had tried to deny him a kiss because deep down inside, Callum knew if they’d kiss, he’d be ever more lost in his feelings for Elliot.

And now, there was no going back.

He wanted Elliot, so, so badly.