It felt like a cold knife through his heart. His face flushed hot with rage and embarrassment.

"You're not any better are you?" Edan continued. "I mean, you were smoking and drinking as soon as I pulled up so it should have been obvious, huh? What about the other thing? Still feeding the toilet bowl?"

Emmett shoved Edan away. He clenched a fist at his side though he knew he wasn't strong enough to do any real damage. "Since when did you have the right to fucking judge me?"

Now Edan laughed, cold and humorless. "That's the business, isn't it doll. You wanna cry about it fucking you up then you shouldn't have been in it in the first place."

"Just the fucking business." Emmett repeated mockingly shaking his head and biting back bitterness. "Once you're ruined you're just ruined? That's why everyone just said "get better" and walked away? Even you? And I thought you cared."

"Sure, cause you made it so easy to try and help you, right? I'm supposed to drop my career so I can cater to your nightly pity party? Spare me."

Emmett hadn't wanted to cry but the tears were already falling. Edan certainly thought it was some ploy for sympathy but it really just hurt. "Because a few months out of your life would have been too much to ask for. Really, what other point was there in talking to me if you couldn’t get your dick wet?"

“Fuck you. I cared for you as long as you let me." Edan turned away, opening the door to his car. Emmett had to back away quickly before he got hit by it.

When the engine revved Emmett's anger was replaced by fear. He grabbed for the door handle but it was already locked. "Edan don't! Don't leave me again!" The car horn sounded in warning and Emmett let go before the vehicle started off. "Bastard!" He chucked one of the empty bottles at the car, managing to smash it on a taillight before it turned the corner and was gone.

Emmett stared after it in disbelief. Gone, so quickly. Leaving him alone all over again. He sat down right there on the pavement and sobbed into his hands, all of his strength and will gone in that moment.

He burnt himself out very quickly. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t cried over this situation before. The sadness left him and was replaced again by stale bitterness. It was now just one more terrible mistake.

Emmett picked himself up off of the ground, collected his bags and stumbled semi-blindy through the parking lot. A wave of nausea hit him very suddenly and he had to double over right there to puke that evening’s drinks onto the asphalt. He wiped his chin, kept walking.

He remembered the missing key as he circled to the far side of the building. It was still a problem.. A glance at the lot showed Tab once again in his trailer studio. Emmett trembled. After what he'd just said there was no need for Tab to be kind to him. Emmett could just wait there by their door until Tab was ready to retire.

No, this was a conversation to get over with sooner rather than later. It was probably going to be the end of their little trip. Better to find out now rather than find in the morning that he was alone in their motel room.

He crossed to the little trailer, placing a cigarette in his mouth as he did. Tab was bent over the makeshift desk again. Emmett thought he saw his shoulders shaking. Below the table Tab was rapidly bouncing a leg. Trying to dispel nervous energy? Tab ripped a sheet off of the table, crumbled it and threw it against the wall. It ricocheted in the small space, sliding across the floor and out by Emmett’s feet.

Emmett picked it up, beaned it at Tab’s head. “Litterbug.”

Tab froze in place but Emmett could see his limbs shaking still. He dashed at his eyes with the back of his sleeve before turning. His expression was complex and in this stupid state Emmett couldn’t be sure what the kid was thinking. “No cigarettes back here.” Tab reminded him.

Emmett smiled. It was oddly comforting. Because he’ll let me do it, just not back here. “I won’t light it.” He promised as he sat down on the edge of the trailer before leaning back to lie on the floor. It was probably filthy but it didn’t seem like a problem right now.

The ceiling of the trailer had star shaped string lights running all through it. The yellow glow was comforting, especially when he closed his eyes.

“Are you ok Emmett?”

Emmett smiled again, a fresh round of tears burning at his eyes. “As ok as interacting with an ex-fiance will make you.” Emmett blinked back up at the ceiling, saw that Tab was peeking down over his shoulder at him. He looked away when Emmett caught him and it hurt for some reason.

“Tab… Thank you for showing up when you did. I did ask for him to come, but… getting involved with him all over again… would have been a fucking stupid idea.” We already managed to do enough damage in those few minutes already.

“I was really scared when I couldn’t find you.”

“I’m sorry I made you worry… What about you? Are you ok?”

Tab nodded and that seemed to be about as good as he was going to get from him right now. He still looked tense though. Emmett was sure that he didn’t have the proper words to remove any lingering questions or fears. He sat up again, pillowed his head against Tab’s back.

“Emmett!?” Tab twisted beneath that contact and after that cruel kissing game that afternoon, Emmett didn’t blame him.

“This isn’t me coming on to you this time.” Emmett tried to explain. “I don’t want anything. It’s just… comforting... for me, and I hope for you too.”

Tab didn’t answer. Emmett could hear his heart beating wildly. Emmett didn’t make any further advances, didn’t say anything else. Tab’s heart slowly relaxed and listening to that and the steady rhythm of his breathing Emmett eventually fell asleep.