I lit one of the precious cigarettes I’d traded clothes with Jade’s mom for (unbeknownst to Jade). The habit’s disgusting, I know, but I just indulged it to help calm my nerves. I only needed one or two once in a while. I’d smoked the occasional one in high school, so I didn’t worry about it becoming a problem.

No cigarette smoke was supposed to be outside the Smoking Tent, but it didn’t matter as I wasn’t too far away. Plus, Mrs. Olwinsky, the Nicotine Nazi, wasn’t anywhere in sight. I didn’t drop my guard, though, and kept my body turned away from the nearby windows.

Some people sat on the Smoking Tent’s benches, but I didn’t recognize any of their faces until I got closer. Then, like a semi-truck crashing into me, one stood out, and my current cigarette-calm evaporated.

I fought my initial reaction to flee. I couldn’t cower, not when God had put the opportunity in front of me. I deserved an answer for yesterday.

Normally, I wouldn’t waste a cigarette, but I no longer had the stomach for it. I snuffed it out and flicked it away before I stepped into Justin’s line of vision. At once, he and the people surrounding him quieted. This worried me, but I didn’t let it steal my bravado.

“Yes?” Justin asked.

“Why have you been avoiding me?”

It wasn’t the precise question I’d planned to lead with—I’d never go with something so direct. But this time I was glad it’d just tumbled out of my mouth. What would I gain by mincing my words?

Justin exchanged looks with his friends, then settled a cool, detached stare on me. “I’m sorry. Who are you?”

Deep down I’d known he’d say something horrible, and I thought that would be enough to stop it from hurting so bad. Besides, I barely knew Justin. What should I care if he turned out to be a giant douche-bag? At least I found out now and not after he’d been stringing me along for weeks.

But instead of my mind latching on to that sound rationale and shrugging off this shitty situation, it went into full distress-mode. Tears instantly spilled out of my eyes, and my sinuses burned like I’d dosed them in vodka.

I spun on my heels and fled the Smokers’ Tent.

The sound of laughter followed me long after I’d left campus.