***

Emily Alabaster

I make my way back to the car, a smile still on my face. I open the car, then start it. I was about to go in the direction of my office, but I stop myself. I let out a frustrated groan while putting my head down the steering wheel. A loud beep startled me, and others walking by. I give a sheepish smile, then leave the parking spot.

‘Why am I like this?’ As I'm driving down the busy streets of New York. I’m stopped at a light, so I take the chance to look around. Gleaming lights and laughter take hold of the area and don’t let it go. The pedestrians crossing the roads in a variety of fashion in the busy streets. Everyone has something important, regardless of what other people think. That’s why I love it here. You may get judged but you're just as great as the next person. I take it all in before seeing the light change back to green.

Eventually, I make to my house, suddenly feeling fatigued. Making my way in the house I hear people greeting me, and I just respond by nodding. I can feel the confused stares but I just ignore them, ‘I need sleep.’

When I'm at the foot of my bed I collapse, drifting into a deep sleep.

***

My eyes are slowly open to a pitch-black room. I sit up, slowly taking in my surroundings. My eyes shift to the left is a lamp. With close inspection, I made the discovery I was in my room.

I stretch, feeling a sudden pain jab my chest. ‘I haven’t put any ointment on the burn’ I shake my head gently standing up. I kick off my shoes and made my way to the first aid kit.

I find the cream, then undo a couple of buttons. I apply it, then redo the buttons.

I rub my eyes and realize how silent the house is. I reach for my phone, but it wasn’t in my pocket, I must’ve left it upstairs.

“The dining room has a clock” I walked forward.

It must be late at night, all the other lights are off except the main ones. On arrival I glance around, my eyes find the round clock. The dark wood finish around it brings out, while the walls were beige.

“11:37 p.m, I guess I slept for a while”

My gaze goes to the hallway, it’s empty. ‘I’m all alone in this house’ This house is too big for one person, originally it had a happy family. They smiled in unison, embraced each lovely. However, things changed life happened.

I awake from my thoughts, I wasn’t in the dining room. Instead in front of a room, the door was slightly open. I know whose door this belongs to, I could practically hear the giggles from the other side. The feelings of happiness glowing inside, an unexpected fiery entered my body.

My fists clench up, with a sudden movement I slam the door shut. Rapid breathing starts to occur, making me dizzy. I fell against the wall and bury my head in my hands.

“You were so young, full of chances” I scream. I get up and start running to my room, tripping on a rug.

“But life had other plans” before I know it I’m slamming a vase on the ground. It shatters, silence follows, but my anger has just started. I start ripping random paintings on the wall.

“If I listened, you would’ve been here” I screech, teaching for another vase. My hand stops then begin to shake. I hold close to me, my tears start to increase.

“What have I become?” I whisper.

An unwanted feeling starts to creep into my mind.

“You’re all alone Emily” the voice yells.

I choke on my sobs “n-no, I’m not”

An ear clutching laughter starts to pour into the room. “Yes you are, look around. You have made a mess, you can’t even control your own emotions. You make everyone worry about you. Like you mean something. You are worthless, the only thing you’re good for is messing up” they scream.

No matter how much I scream for it to stop, it’s getting louder. I made a run for my room shutting it as if that’ll stop it. I could see tears falling down my face, but that didn’t stop me from getting my phone and dialing Jame’s number. My hazed vision gets worse as I pressed his contact.

I hold it up to my ear, waiting for him to pick up. I hear a slight beep, I could hear the voice outside laugh.

“See Emily, you’re all alone.” It cackled.

I frantically look for another person to call, but I don’t have many people outside work. I scream at myself, “WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS” I throw my phone to the ground.

After a couple of moments, I go to pick it. As I turn the phone voice chimes in.

“Hello?”

I almost screamed, quickly covering my mouth. “Who is it…?” I ask.

They laugh in response, “Em, it’s Chandler. You’re the one who called me”

When I threw my phone it must’ve called him.

“Oh, I’m sorry for calling, you must’ve been sleeping-”

“No, the only thing you walked into was me watching a movie”

“I still interrupted you, I’ll just call back later” I go to push the end call button.

“Wait no, I’m not busy. I’m here if you need me” his voice sounding genuine.

I stare into the phone, hesitation is hovering over me. It uses to take me, hostage, holding me back. This feels different, it’s unexplainable. I can feel the hesitation grow weaker, telling me one last time to be careful.

I take a deep breath, “are you sure I didn’t bother you?”

“Bother me,” He scoffs, "you honestly saved me from binge-watching useless crap”

I laugh, but it came out weird. This causes silence to start again.

“Hey em?”

I go to speak but I can’t, ‘why can’t I do something so simple’ I sob, trying to not be loud.

I stare at the phone again, wanting this call to end. But I don’t want his company to leave, I just need someone. I don’t want to be alone, not again.

“So, how are you feeling?” He asks.

“I’m feeling f-fine” a tear slips down my cheek.

“Oh” I could hear him say, even though it sounded like a whisper.

“Yeah, just needed so company”

No response, ‘maybe I creeped him out?’

Then a laugh comes from the other side, “I was nodding my head for a good couple seconds then I realized that you couldn’t see me.”

A grin tugs my lips, “those things tend to happen.”

“Yeah, I guess they do” he exclaims.

“.....so what documentary was you about to watch?”

“Honestly nothing special, just one about human connections”

“Human connections?”

“Yeah, it was that or the notebook. Let’s just say I wasn’t ready to let the waterworks go” He chuckles.

“Why are you awake?” I ask.

“That’s a really good question,” he pauses, thinking for a moment. “ya know how you just can’t sleep, no matter how long you stay in bed?”

“Yeah, I get it” I nod, even tho he can’t see me.

“Well, I thought if I couldn’t sleep why not catch up on tv. I’ve been sitting here for a while, I didn’t want to wake up Nate. So I’m glad you called me, I was kinda lonely” I could him say all of that with a smile on his face.

“I meant to call James, but then I called you” I laugh.

I could hear a dramatic gasp “you mean, I was the second choice”

“Well…” I add.

“You know what, I like the level of my confidence, no need to knock it down.” We both join in the laughter.

We talked for a good hour, making conversation about life. Honestly the entire time he was just making me laugh.

“That’s why I’m afraid of public trash cans, but not squirrels” He ended with laughter.

I had tears in my eyes, not because of anguish but of laughter. This was all new to me, not new but I just haven’t felt this in a long time. Not since Graham passed away.

Yawns leave my mouth, making my eyes water more.

“Are you tired?” He questions.

“No…” another yawn takes over me.

“Yes you are, now go get some rest. We have to go to the carnival tomorrow!”

I stand up and sit on my bed, “oh yeah, what time should I come by?”

“I’m still not sure, I’ll text you”

I lay done, drowsiness starts to push on my eyelids.

“Alright….” I could feel my eyes shutting. However, before I fell into sleep I heard a voice.

“Sweet dreams em”

***