My dream didn't come true. I woke up and was forced to live. All survivors were transported to the metal halls built in the Capital City. We slept the bed next to the bed. Paramedics looked after us and brought us food. Many people like me still didn't say anything, but over time they began to recover from post-traumatic shock. Someone found a friend, someone distant relative, and someone else even their own dog, whose firefighters rescued from the rubble. Unfortunately I couldn't count on it. I had no one alse, only my parents. I was an only child like my mother and father. All grandparents were already dead. I didn't have friends or a pet. Although there were many people around me, I have never been so lonely.

How huge our catastrophe was I learned from news broadcast on TVs imported from abroad. Ours were only available in single copies because most factories and warehouses were completely destroyed. The tectonic shock was so strong that our country's population decreased by sixty-seven percent. Survived mainly young people and adults to about thirty-several years. There were a handful of children and a little bit of elderly people. Medical services, firefighters and rescuers explained that it was all because of poor construction of our houses. We, younger ones, were faster and stronger, so we managed to escape from the collapsing buildings. As a result, our entire nation has settled on the surface of the Capital. Plenty of metal halls and camp beds. People who lost everything.

About a week after the earthquake, funerals began. I don't know how long they lasted but daily news showed more coffins and subsequent burial places. Funeral ceremonies one after another. Mutilated faces of rescued children and adults mourning their loved ones. Once on the screen I saw an old woman and at the sight of her my heart froze. She stood over the coffins of her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I don't have to explain what she looked like. I can't describe how much pain I saw in her eyes.

Funerals were massive. The dead from each Suburb were taken to the main city and buried with the dead from other Suburbs. One day also I was called. In our Suburb only I and forty-two other people survived. They took us to our main City, where cemetery was created in my high school parking lot. They didn't let anyone see the bodies. The coffins were nailed. We could only helplessly mourn our loved ones and watch when their coffins rest in the pits, covered by small excavators. I stood there and looked in disbelief for fallen houses and a partially destroyed school building. During the day it all looked even worse. Aroused tragic memories.

We couldn't be taken to see our lands because the authorities saved fuel and they didn't want for us to fall into dementia again. All that remained us, was only to stand and watch the coffins and survivors. It feels terrible when in that moment you doesn't have anyone who can hug and comfort you.

I said goodbye to my parents in deep of my heart. I wanted to remember them alive and I was glad that the coffins were closed deaf. It was painful enough to tell the guards this sentence: "In my house at number 56 on the twelfth street of the Fourth Suburb of the city of Eighth Lilianna Błysk lived with her parents Małgorzata and Tomasz, who both died due to the earthquake." They wouldn't identify the bodies without it. However, just admitting to yourself that your both parents were lost worked like salt sprinkled on a barely capped wound.

It was on the back way from the funeral when I began to look more closely at my companions. They were all older, and apart from me and a girl named Paulina, there wasn't any teenagers. I didn't know her although I saw her several times at school. She also lost all her relatives. However, she was "healthier" than me. She shook herself faster. After a few weeks, she decided to take up a job which the authorities urged us. They wanted to rebuild our country as soon as possible, they were afraid of external attacks and loss of separateness. Every now and then light seismic shocks would occur, so I didn't think anyone would want to invade us for the sake of their own life, but I understood those fears. This is not why our grandparents fought for autonomy. I knew that they wouldn't let me sit on the bed for a long time and look blankly ahead.

Then suddenly Paulina started to talk to me. I wasn't a good companion in conversation, but she wasn't discouraged. I listened her talking about work in the kitchen, how she was delighted to help people, and suddenly I wanted the same. I wanted to be like her. Strong, good, not just hard and reach to the goals. I wanted to help. Finally forget about myself and do something for others.

Over time, she managed to get from me information I was doing quite well in the kitchen. All the way we talked about the dishes we like and wondered if in times of crisis, where almost everything comes from abroad, they could be prepared. Paulina sadly confirmed that that the variety of dishes was extremely limited, but sometimes they let her bake cookies. I remember I was very happy to hear this and just said:

- Maybe not everything is lost, maybe some day we will live normally again?

She looked straight into my eyes and smiled gently:

- Maybe you would like to work with me in the kitchen? - She asked straightly - Each hall has one and we need hands to work. There are only twelve people in our kitchen. And in the hall about three hundred. Each of them slowly shakes off loss. They start working in different places - some of them build, others plant or take care of the sick. Everyone needs food, and cooking for such a large number of people is a challenge. I know it's still very hard for you, that you can't function normally yet, but believe me, it really helps. I was also afraid to leave the bed, but now I know that if I didn't did something I would probably go crazy.

- I like cooking - I admited - You are right. Thanks to this I should somehow forget about my worries. I's really nice of you that you want to help me - I smiled, squeezing her hand. The decision has already been made - If no one minds this, I will be happy to work with you in the kitchen...

Everything has changed since then. I started to speak. I'm done staring at one point. I could hear sounds and feel smells, and the images in front of my eyes stopped looking like a slide show. Paula helped me a lot. She became my first soul mate. Friend. I know that my parents would be very happy about it. I am happy too. It is thanks to her that now I am able to tell myself about the disaster and accept the facts as they are. Even in thoughts:

- My name is Lilianna Błysk. I am nineteen years old. I don’t have home and I don’t have any family. I live in a fifteenth hall with three hundred other people. I work as a cook. Every day I wake up for fed my companions. After earthquake from all our country only a handful people survive. I should feel lucky. I still have a gift offered me by my parents. I am alive…

I wiped my tears with my dressing-gown sleeve. It wasn't mine. It was only shared with me. Like most things. Hardly anyone had anything here. However, I belonged to these few exceptions. I have a souvenir of my mother and father. Nightgown under the pillow reminded me of home. I was hoping that everything would work out. That together we will be able to rebuild our country. That we'll manage somehow.

However, I didn't draw my strength only from hope. The closeness of the other person gave me comfort. Finally I had my longed-for friend. The person who supported me, made me laugh and who enjoyed seeing me. It was thanks to Paulina that I was able to smile again. I loved her because she was with me. For giving me strength that I couldn't do by myself.

 - That's right - I accepted my thoughts. It took me some time to reach this stage, but I finally got to it. I really fought with myself for a long time. The whole past year and a few dark months. Half of this starry night. A night full of other people's dreams. And their snoring...

I looked around in surprise that I realized it so late. Most of my companions were already sleeping soundly. Out of the corner of my eye, a few rows away I saw Paula turning to the right in her bed. She slept like the baby. I knew I should do the same. In the morning I will have to get up and cook oatmeal for all of this people - Maybe this time I could add some other fruit than apples? I thought as I headed from the windowsill towards the bed - When I was a little, my mother used to prepare me oatmeal with peaches. It was delicious. One of a kind. Special. Just like my mother.

I slipped under the covers and fell asleep with the memory of the taste of those mornings. Now I already had a reason to wake up every day. 

I finally had something to strive for and I was extremely happy about it.