(Disclaimer: Contains topics of panic attacks and anxiety. Please exercise caution and do not read this chapter if this could be a trigger. Love you all and be safe!)
The day passed quicker than Liam expected. After Caleb and Abby finished their shifts, Jade came in as well as the other baristas and did their shifts alongside him. He also trained one of the newer recruits at Diane’s request that afternoon. She was very friendly, although a little shy and it almost reminded Liam of himself when he first started working at Ella's.
Liam rode his bike back to his place and he unlocked the door, feeling exhausted almost immediately. Crashing on the couch, he threw his keys on the table and face-planted himself into the plush cushions. A melodious text tone appeared from nowhere and fumbling for it as he got up, he noticed he got two messages; one from Marcus and one from Abby.
(15:23) Abby: Don’t worry about tonight. Even if you don’t say anything, at least don’t ignore Marcus, he cares for you. Hopefully see you next week!
(15:31) Marcus: Hope you didn’t forget our game night. 6pm my place. Bring popcorn!
Oh shit, I nearly forgot I’ve got to be over at Marcus’s place soon.
He sat up on the couch again and thought about the conversation he had with Abby and Caleb earlier today.
He needed to stop avoiding Marcus.
He needed to stop hiding and say his truth.
But would Marcus accept it? And me?
Wait, why wouldn’t he? They had been best friends for years and Marcus knew all sorts of embarrassing things Liam wouldn’t like to admit about himself. But he knew he could never really get rid of his fear unless he was honest, to himself and to Marcus.
Deciding that enough was enough, Liam marched to his bedroom. Even if Marcus rejected him, he could still look great, right? Finally choosing a pale yellow and white striped t-shirt with blue shorts and grey sneakers, he stood in front of the mirror for the second time that day and stared back at his reflection.
You can do this. He cares for you so don’t expect the worst…
Before he knew it, tears started to fall from his eyes. Crumpling right there in the moment, he allowed himself to truly sob. After all, he couldn't control his panic attacks and perhaps it was better he had one now instead of breaking down in front of Marcus later. Breath shallow and heart racing, he dragged himself back to his bedroom, slumped onto his bed and laid down as he cried his poor heart out.
It didn’t surprise him that he was having one, he was after all going to try to confess his feelings that he tried to stamp out for years. Even Liam’s mum and dad weren’t exactly supportive of their son’s coming out seven years ago. They still interacted with him, still talked and celebrated holidays and birthdays together. But they essentially ignored that fact, knowing that he was a gay man, despite him desperately trying to make them acknowledge that he was still the same man and the same person.
But it broke poor Liam in the beginning.
Thank god he had university and his own place to keep him both occupied and away from the toxic situation otherwise he would've been a lot worse than just being broken.
It was Marcus who dried his tears. Liam remembered how Marcus used to let stay over for several nights but never told him why he cried the way he did, feeling like he could never burden his best friend with his problems. The tanned student used to hold him and sometimes cradle him during his worst panic attacks and breakdowns, repeating supportive phrases like 'I'm always here' or 'you're allowed to feel this way' or 'it's not your fault'. In a lot of ways, Liam could never repay Marcus for all his support over the years.
Feeling like he was getting back to a sense of normality again, the blonde brushed the droplets away and walked out of his room and grabbed his backpack, keys and bike lock once again. He checked for the time and almost gasped when he saw it was almost quarter-to-six.
It's now or never.
An unknown surge of confidence swept over him and soon he found himself on the familiar path to his friend’s house. The light was fading and the evening sun caught Liam’s face as he pedaled his way, faster and faster. He didn’t know why he was caught up in a turmoil of emotions. Of excitement, of fear, of nervousness and so many more unknown feelings kept tugging at his chest as his face grew hot.
The sound of the bicycle gears clicking familiarly was something of comfort to the young man as he tried to sort and gather his thoughts. Liam’s eyes lifted from the road to the twilight sky, the pink and orange hues sweeping across, like paint-brush strokes against the growing evening. Seeing a sign for Melrose Avenue, Liam turned left and pedaled to the end of the road, his best friend’s house coming into vision as he did.
Liam braked gently and looked up. Praying to someone who might be watching over him at that moment, Liam glanced at the sky in hope, seeing the moon's shadow slowly rising higher and higher. The clouds cast their shadows, temporarily blocking the sunlight and Liam knew he could not wait or avoid this any longer as he felt his chest squeezing in discomfort.
A simple red-bricked house stood beautifully against the setting sun and Liam got off his bike and walked it to the front door. Not giving himself the chance to panic about this was right or wrong, he jabbed at the doorbell on the giant dark oak door, the sound echoing in the house, realizing that this was truly it.
Oh fucking hell!
No, it's okay, Liam.
Marcus is your friend. He will still be your friend.
"Hi Liam." Marcus beamed at the younger man and Liam looked up. The oak door was opened and his best friend was standing there, almost like he was relieved to see him. He was dressed in a simple black t-shirt with dark grey shorts. Even with that simple outfit, Liam couldn't help but feel jealous that he can look good in anything.
"H-Hi," Liam stuttered lamely, looking at his feet shyly.
"How are you doing?" He asked in a comically goofy tone but with the same charming smile.
"Uh, yeah, I'm okay," Liam answered with the same goofy tone of his own, his own grin appearing. A moment of silence sliced through the air and the two just stood there.
"Well, are you gonna come in or am I going to have to steal the Doritos to get your attention?" Marcus teased, gesturing him to come inside, turning to go inside himself.
"Hey! Who said the Doritos were only yours?" Liam shot at him. He paused and felt warm when he said that. It was as if those issues weren't there anymore. It felt nice. Marcus chuckled softly and disappeared inside and Liam smiled to himself.
Feeling like his old self again, Liam tied the bike lock to their mailbox close by like he always did and stepped inside the bright house. Taking his grey sneakers off, he followed Marcus to the large kitchen where he was getting some snacks out.
"So, uhm, where's your parents?" Liam asked uncomfortably, looking for them.
"Well, my mum and dad are planning and holding a music festival in Sweden so they won't be back till next week," Marcus explained, looking in the fridge for any more good snacks. "You've met them before right? They work in the music business."
"Right, yes, of course!" Liam gave a small chuckle. "And, uh, Ben? Heard from him yet?"
"Yeah actually, he came to my uni today. He's got reading week so he's in town but he's staying over at Noah's tonight," Marcus smiled to himself. The older man reached into the cupboard underneath and grabbed a big pack of Doritos, shaking it teasingly to wind Liam up.
"No! You took my love away from me!" Liam exclaimed dramatically, holding his hand against his heart. "We're not friends anymore!"
"Calm down Romeo, there's plenty left for you," Marcus raised an eyebrow, munching on a few. "I seem to remember asking you to get popcorn?"
"Sorry," Liam apologized, looking sheepish. "I totally forgot about that."
"Well, just as well, I think I've got popcorn here anyway so you're good." Marcus grinned, turning around to get it and a huge bowl big enough to share from a cupboard on top. As he did, his black t-shirt rode up a little and his toned stomach was on display for Liam to gawk at.
Oh god, he cannot be more sexy than that, can he?
"Liam?"
"Uh, what?"
"Uhm, well, you're kinda staring at me," Marcus said as he turned back and set the popcorn and the bowl on the counter-top.
Shit!
"I, u-uh, wha- I-," Liam stuttered, clearly too flustered to function at this point.
"Is everything okay?" His best friend asked, rubbing his shoulder as comfortingly as he could. And then Liam's face and ears burned as red as it possibly could on a human, so much so, he thought he could actually die from feeling like he was burning inside.
"Ah- yes! I'm fine! J-Just, uh, had a long day, that's all!" Liam blurted out in a hurry. "I'm sorry, I was just caught in a daydream. Sorry."
"Ah, no worries, friend," Marcus smirked, patting his shoulder. "Happens to the best of us, right?"
"R-Right," The brown-eyed student stammered, looking down as Marcus began to fill the popcorn into the bowl and find other foods to snack on during their game night.
If this is how the evening is going to be, then who knows if I will even survive the night with Marcus...
