It was my first night in my condo and, as I sat on my couch watching TV, I thought about the past couple of months and all that had happened. Who knew that I'd buy not one, but two homes in that short amount of time? Or that I'd see a ghost, which I'd never believed in before? Or that I'd almost cut my arm off and not be able to do hair for a couple of months? Or that I'd practically be possessed and forced to kill my friend? I sure didn't. But here I sit with my arm still in a cast as proof.

I looked down at the graffiti that everyone had tagged my cast with and couldn't help but smile. They all thought it'd be funny to not only sign their name, but to draw a picture to represent each of them. Chad had drawn a little ghost, which I didn't think was too funny but, then again, he was a ghost hunter. And seeing as how he worked in a factory that made motorcycle parts, he figured that the ghost would be more fitting. Kim drew a dog, since she worked at an animal hospital, and Eric... well, let's just say I had to make him change his.

“I can't walk around in public with that on my cast,” I had fussed.

“Okay, okay,” he said as he colored in his picture and ended up making it look like a color bottle. “Is this better, Miss Prim and Proper?”

“Much.”

Jenn had drawn a house, of course, with a sold sign on it. She had been surprised when I wanted to sell my house so quickly after moving in, but when I told her about the inhabitants that were there before me, she understood. “I wouldn't want to live there, either,” she admitted. “But the bad thing is, you might have to get another Realtor to sell it.”

“Why?”

“Because I can't sell your house knowing that it’s haunted. Well, I could sell it, but I would have to disclose the fact that it's haunted to potential buyers, which might make it tough to sell. And when you get another Realtor to sell it, don't tell them. You need to keep that little secret to yourself.” And I did.

I had stayed with Chad until I found another place to live, which only took a few weeks. Jenn convinced me to take a look at a condo, which I hadn't planned on doing, and I ended up falling in love with it. I had liked the security and convenience of Chad's, which mine also had, and I liked the fact that I wouldn't have to maintain a yard and landscaping, or make Kim and Eric help me, so it ended up being a good option. I actually sold my house for more than I originally paid for it, so I had some extra money to pay down, letting me get the condo that I wanted, which was by the lake. I think Chad was even jealous.

“You can come stay with me,” I teased him, “and sleep on my couch.”

“Is it bloody? If not, I think I'll stick to mine.” They had gotten my blood off of his, but it did stain it slightly, but only enough for us to notice.

When my house sold, I was elated to be rid of it. The medium and pastor went and cleansed it before I put it on the market, but I don't know if it worked or not; I never stepped foot back in the house since the day that I thought I'd killed Chad. I could still see his bashed-in face, sometimes, and it still turned my stomach. I hope that, over time, like all memories, it would fade. But even faded memories have a way of sneaking back into your life when you least expect it.

I did drive by my house—my old house—watching the new family move in. As I pulled around the cul-de-sac, I missed my home. Not actually my home, but the feeling I had when I'd first bought it. I slowly turned around, watching them with the same excitement on their faces that I'd probably had on mine. It looked to be a husband and wife; no kids, thank goodness. I caught myself looking toward my old bedroom, but there weren't any curtains up yet that might be pulled back, so I drove off, never driving down that street, again.

I felt bad, knowing what I was leaving them to if the cleansing didn’t work, but what other choice did I have? Even if someone had told me it was haunted before I moved in, I would’ve just told them they were crazy and moved in anyway. Then again, I am a bit stubborn.

Over the past few weeks, Chad and I had gotten to an awkward place in our friendship. We were both obviously attracted to each other, but neither one had acted on it. Sometimes, his hand would brush mine and he would smile, or he would wrap his arm around me, only to let go a few seconds later. At times, there was nothing I wanted more than to feel his lips pressed against mine, but he would just smile at me, instead. I guess a Chad Bales smile was better than nothing.

“Just bang him already,” Eric had said one day at work. He didn't realize that it wasn't that simple.

After Billy, I had a hard time trusting people, especially guys. When they were out with friends or late, I always questioned them about it, thinking the worst. I cared too much about Chad to put him through that. He deserved someone better than me; someone who wasn't broken.

Watching TV in my new condo, I’m thankful that I'd survived through all I had. My arm was still healing and I'm able to move my fingers better every day and, with therapy, I hoped it would only get better. As I sat there, wondering what Chad was doing, as usual, my lamp flickers.

No. Not here. Not again. No, no, no.

When it kept flickering, I got up to tighten the bulb, hoping that would be the problem and, sure enough, the light stopped flickering. I sat back down, trying to relax, again, when my intercom system went off, making me jump.

“Ms. Johnson,” the security guard said, “there is a Mr. Billy Jakes here to see you.”

You've got to be kidding me.

I was going to put an end to this once and for all. “Go ahead and send him up,” I replied as I unlocked my door and sat back down. The few minutes it took him to get to my door seemed to drag on for a few hours. Luckily, though, it gave me time to think of what all I wanted to say. When he finally knocked, I told him to come on in.

“Sorry it's so late, but someone wouldn't answer her phone.”

I looked down and noticed two missed calls. “I forgot to turn my ringer back on after work,” I said from the couch, not bothering to look back at him.

“So, can I come in?”

“You're here, you might as well.” I usually wasn't so rude, but for him I made an exception.

He came around the couch and sat down next to me. “Can we talk?”

I turned towards him. “About what? There's really nothing to talk about.”

“How's your arm?”

“Did you really come all the way over here to ask me about my arm?” Then something occurred to me. “How did you even know where I lived?”

“I Googled it,” he said with a smile.

“Stalk much?”

“Only you.”

I sighed. “What do you want, Billy?”

“Ah, it's been a while since I heard you say my name. I've missed it. I miss you, Jacy.”

“Don't call me that,” I demanded.

“Why not? I've always called you that.”

“No, the Billy I loved called me that,” came out of my mouth before I could stop it. Think before you speak, Jacynda.

“So, you don't love me anymore?”

“What do you think? You wasted a year of my life and then broke my heart—broke me. How could I ever love you after that?”

“I'm sorry.”

“So am I. Now, what do you want? It's late and I've got to get up early tomorrow.”

He scooted closer to me, causing me to give him the eye. “Don't.”

“I'm not. I just want to tell you one last thing. There's something I've wanted to get off my chest before you... Just hear me out, please.” When I didn't say anything, he continued. “There's nothing I can do to change that day. As much as I've wanted to take it back, I can't. The thing is, I didn't even know her name.” I rolled my eyes. “I know, that probably makes it worse, but it's true. I didn't know her. It's not like I was having a full-blown affair; it was just that one time with that one girl.” He took a deep breath like he didn't want to go on, and to be quite honest, I didn't want him to, either. Hearing it brought it all back to me again. “We had been together for so long and everything between us had started getting so serious, I knew….” He stopped himself, which made me mad.

“If you're going to tell me, tell me. Don't beat around the bush or lie, because I don't want to hear it.”

He took another deep breath. “I knew I wanted to marry you, but I was afraid.”

Even though my heart fluttered in my chest, I ignored it, laughing instead. “Really? Marry me? You had a funny way of showing it.”

“No, I was confused. The guys in the band always had different girls and I was afraid that if I settled down with you that I'd... regret it. I wanted to, but what if we got married and after a few years... I don't know. I just wanted to see.”

“See what?” He wasn't making any sense.

“See if I'd like it... being with someone besides you. I just wanted to know that what I was feeling for you was real, and the minute she got into our bed, I knew I'd made a mistake. I knew that what I was feeling was real and that I couldn't feel it with anybody besides you.”

“So, you're telling me that you screwed some girl, some stranger, to make sure you wanted to be with me?” A sudden urge came over me, causing me to clasp my hands together to keep from using them on his face. “You never should've come here tonight.”

He reached for my good hand, but I jerked it away. “Just hear me out,” he pleaded. “I went down to the store to get some beer for that night 'cause the guys were coming over. When I went to pay, she recognized me. I just played her off, at first, even as she followed me to my truck. But as she flirted with me, it made me wonder. Wonder about us, about me, about everything. So I invited her back home, knowing you wouldn't be there and that I'd never see this girl again—”

“I don't want to hear anymore.”

“I knew I'd never see or talk to her again. So, I took her back to the apartment and straight to the bed.”

“I don't want to hear anymore,” I repeated as a single tear fell down my cheek.

“As soon as she took her clothes off and I got in bed with her, I knew. It felt wrong. I tried to touch her, but I couldn't. I couldn't even kiss her. All I kept thinking about was you. No matter how attractive this girl was, or how attracted she was to me, I didn't care. I knew, right then, that I wanted to marry you. I knew, right then, that I'd never want another girl, not ever. I felt sick to my stomach that I'd even brought her back there. That's why I still had my pants on when you came in. I never took them off and didn't plan on it. I was telling her to leave when you came in.” He looked at me through his thick lashes. “I didn’t even kiss her.”

I didn't know what to say. The fact that he'd brought a girl back to our apartment, for whatever reason, went against everything that our relationship had stood for. If you have to cheat on someone to prove to yourself that you love them, then you don't. My hurt quickly turned to anger all over again.

“Put yourself in my shoes. What if you came home to find me in bed with someone? Would you care about the reason? No, you sure wouldn't. The fact that she was there at all is enough for me. If you wanted to see if you loved me, you should've left me. You should've left me and then screwed around to test our love, or whatever the hell you were doing.” I laughed, but it was maniacal laughter that sounded like I was losing my mind. “You didn't even do her? Or kiss her? You threw away everything, threw away me, and didn't even get off. Now, that's funny.” I stood up and walked to the door, opening it for him. “You've said what you had to say, now please leave.” He just sat there, not moving. “Leave or I'll get security up here to escort you out.”

“Jacynda. Please. I'm sorry.” He finally got up and walked towards me, but not out the door. “Do you know you're the last girl I've been with?”

“Like I'd believe that. I've seen you out. What about that blonde at the restaurant? You have a thing for blondes it seems. Too bad I never was one. Now, go,” I said, pointing out the door.

He stepped closer to me. “It's always been you. No matter who I'm with, I always wish I was with you.”

“Then you should've realized that before you—”

His mouth was on mine before I could finish my sentence. He shut the door as I beat against his chest, trying to push him away. He can't be doing this to me. It was like the alcoholic in me had resurfaced and he was the liquor that I'd wanted and needed so desperately; the same liquor that burnt so bad when I drank it and left me incoherent and unable to think rationally.

He stopped kissing me, still holding my face to his, long enough to say, “I love you so much,” before crushing his lips back into mine.

In my mind, I was still fighting him off, but my body wasn't doing what my mind told it to. Instead, it gave in to him, grabbing a handful of his dark hair, pulling it hard, but not away. I entwined my fingers in it, holding his mouth against mine, causing him to moan softly.

As he slowly led me back to the couch, his lips still dancing with mine, I knew I had a decision to make. I could either overlook the fact that he had ruined me, broken my heart, and left me shattered and vulnerable, or I could let that be what would give me the strength to tell him no. I knew I couldn't let him hurt me again, but would it hurt even worse to let him walk out that door tonight?

I pushed him back, reluctantly pulling my lips from his. “I can't. I can't do this.” He cupped my face in his hands, forcing me to look into the blue eyes that I'd always had a hard time saying no to. “Please don't.” I hated crying in front of him, but I hated crying over him—because of him—even worse. “You hurt me so bad, Billy, and I can't go back there. If you love me at all, you'll let me go. I can't move on until you do. Please,” I cried, “just let me go.”

He bent down and kissed me one last time, and I let him. And when he said goodbye and walked out my door for good, I let him.

I sat back down on my couch and cried for a long time before I released all that I needed to, and when I was finished, I picked up my phone and texted Chad.

Are you awake?

He replied within a minute or so. Yeah whats up?

Are you busy?

It’s almost midnight lol so no, I’m not busy. You ok?

This was it. Did I want to take it there? We were such good friends, what if it ruined it? I had always thought he needed someone better than me, but I couldn't stand the thought of him being with someone besides me. Maybe he'd be the one to fix me.

I miss you.

You do?

Yes

Well, what do you want to do about that?

Can you come over?

You sure you’re ok?

I will be. If you hurry.