As night started to fall, I was startled when the overhead lights in my room, which were apparently automatic, came on. They weren’t very bright, but brighter than the faint evening sunlight that had been coming in through my window. When they’d turned on, it had made a sudden popping sound, too, which caused me to jump, sending pain ricocheting from my shoulder down into my bandaged arm, reminding me why I was here.

At this point, if Eleanor had been a real, live person, I’d have killed her, but since she wasn’t, I was helpless. Never in my life had I been violent, but the anger that was starting to take over, given birth to by my extreme fear, as well as lack of sleep, was becoming too much. I wondered how far my emotions could be stretched before they’d finally snap.

I slid across my bed to the small table at the end of it and grabbed my supper tray, which I’m sure was cold by now, since they’d brought it in a couple of hours ago. The fact that I still wasn’t hungry, and that the food looked like something you’d get out of the pet aisle, left me picking at it more than eating it.

“Ugh!” Shoving my tray back to the end of my bed, I laid back down, scrunching my pillow under my head, trying to hold back tears. “I can’t stay here.” I’d really go crazy if I did.

Suddenly, my lights flickered, making me think they were going to go out, but they didn’t. They flickered a few more times before they stopped, and that’s when a noise came from under my bed. It was faint, like someone was slowly tapping their nails on the tile floor, but enough to cause chills to pop out on my skin.

Tap, tap, tap, tap… tap, tap, tap, tap….

I waited on her to climb out from under my bed, or for hands to reach up and grab me, pulling me under it, but it didn’t. Instead, the tapping continued. I got under my blankets, wrapping them around me as tight as I could, while I continued to listen.

Tap, tap, tap, tap… tap, tap, tap, tap….

After ten minutes of constant tapping, I covered my head with my pillow, but it didn’t help; I could still hear it. I even held my ears, but when I did, it was like it was inside my head. It was relentless, and after what felt like forever, I’d have enough.

“Stop! Just stop it!” I yelled, not caring if my nurse heard me. In fact, I kind of hoped she would. Maybe they’d give me some kind of medicine to knock me out if they heard me yelling. They already thought I was crazy, so what would it matter? “Stoooop!” I yelled a little louder. When I heard my door unlatch, I knew I’d been heard.

“What’s wrong, Amber?” the same nurse I’d talked to earlier asked. “Why are you yelling?”

“I can’t sleep. Can you give me something to sleep?” I was surprised at how desperate my voice sounded.

“I’ll have to get it cleared, since you’ve not yet seen the doctor, but I’ll check. And if you need anything before I get back, press the button. We can’t have you screaming like that.” And then she was gone again, leaving me alone with the unrelenting tapping... until a voice interrupted it.

“I can set you free.” I could actually feel her breath as she hissed her words into my ear and, instead of letting fear grip me like it usually did, I heard myself laugh. “I can set you freeee….” Her voice trailed off into a whisper, and I found myself actually wondering if she was telling me the truth. Would she ever really set me free?

I felt myself sitting up, and quickly fought against it. “No, you’re not going to do that again,” I said, fighting against the power that was trying to take over. “I will NOT let you!” I yelled through gritted teeth, holding myself back.

A shrill laugh echoed around my small room, causing me to cover my ears. Realizing I had control of my body once again, I backed up against the wall at the back edge of my bed. That’s when I saw her, sitting in the corner of my room, her bone-thin legs curled up against her chest as she rocked back and forth. As frail as she looked, the sight of her still scared the life out of me.

She smiled, causing her to look even more deranged. “When that nurse comes back in, you are going to hit her with that,” she hissed, pointing a crooked finger at my supper tray. “Then you will go out there,” her finger moved toward my door, “and you are going to strangle the woman in this room,” she added, banging her head on the wall behind her. She kept ramming her head against the wall to the point I thought it was going to split wide open, but then she stopped and started rocking back and forth again. “Once you choke the life out of her, she, too, will join me. When she does, you will be one step closer to being free.”

“I can’t do that. I won’t.” I couldn’t believe I was actually talking to her; talking to the ghost of a crazy woman.

“You can. You will. You have no choice.” Then she vanished.

I sat motionless, afraid that when the nurse came back in, Eleanor would make me hurt her like she’d made me hurt myself.

“No, Eleanor, I won’t do it. You can’t make me. I’m stronger than that. Stronger than you.” I whispered, doubting the words as I said them.

The same shrill laugh resonated inside my head. “I’m not Eleanor.”

Not Eleanor? If she wasn’t Eleanor, the crazy patient from the asylum, then…. “Then who are you?”

She replied with only four words—four words that felt like they embedded themselves right into my soul. “I’m your worst fears.”

***

I was running through a field, knowing I was being chased, my heart feeling like it might burst. No matter how far or fast I ran, I never gained a lead. The person chasing me was close, and I knew if I fell or slowed my pace they’d catch me. I knew I might as well stop running, since I couldn’t run forever. At some point, I’d have to stop. I couldn’t live my life running.

Deciding to give up, I slowed my pace, wondering how long it’d take for them to catch me, and when they did, what they’d do to me. Would it hurt? Would it be quick? As my feet came to a standstill, I knew I’d find out soon enough. Hearing their steps get closer and closer, I didn’t look. Instead, I welcomed the end. I was tired, so tired, and felt myself smiling, knowing this was it. It was about to be over.

When they grabbed me, they threw me down and held my hands so I couldn’t move them, and I let them, not bothering to fight. They proceeded to hold my feet, too—or were they tying them, staking them into the ground? Either way, I was bound, unable to move. I felt pressure on my chest, too, and a painful stick in my arm, but the pain of death never came. Instead, the pain of living did.

I heard voices chattering around me, all sounding hurried and concerned, but I couldn’t understand what they were saying, like they were all talking from the other end of a tunnel. As I tried to open my eyes, which felt heavy and ultimately refused, I had seen enough to know that I was no longer in my room. I felt like I was going to puke, so I went to lean over the hard bed I was lying on, only to realize I couldn’t. Like my dream, if that’s what it was, I was bound, unable to move.

I got my head turned just enough to throw up on my bed, losing the few bites of supper I’d managed to force down. The smell made me get sick again, which I knew had gone all in my hair. It wasn’t long before I felt someone wiping me—my mouth, my hair—before my arm started to burn and I became really sleepy. The bright room and people, who I’m assuming were nurses and doctors, began to fade, and I was once again thrown into a deep sleep, but this time, there was no field.

I was standing in a hallway, and when I realized which hallway it was, I started to run, yet again, but when I reached the end, there was nowhere to go. I pressed my back against the wall, concrete chips digging into my skin, trying to see through the dark that filled the space in front of me.

“I told you I was keeping you.” Even though the eerie voice was no louder than a whisper, it echoed down the hallway like it had been screamed.

“No,” I cried, sliding down to the floor. “I can’t take this anymore.” I felt defeated, wanting this to end. I thought about the relief I’d felt in the field, when I thought I was about to die, which caused a longing in me that I tried to fight, but it was hard; the fight in me almost gone. “Please….”

I was then pulling myself up off the floor and walking into the darkness that led down the hallway. I tried to stop myself, but my feet seemed to have a mind of their own, taking one step after another down the hall. With each step I took, I felt myself being drawn into the blackness… into the unknown. It didn’t seem as scary as it once had, like I was becoming a part of it… it a part of me.

I felt my steps quickening until I was once again running, but instead of running away from the darkness, I was running toward it. Running… running… running… until it finally consumed me.