Rooooom!

     The loud rolling thunder sent a jolt through my body, startling me painfully awake. My eyes shot open just as a flash of lightning illuminated a person standing in front of me. I cried out in terror, my arms flailing out as I scrambled to get away.

     “Empress!” The person bent down on one knee and waved a hand to calm me down. “It’s your humble subject, Li Wai.”

     Stopping in mid-motion when I heard the name, I heaved a sigh of relief.

     “I’m terribly sorry to have frightened you, Empress. I just wanted to cover you with a blanket.” He held up the thick woolen material in his hands to show me.

     My heartbeat slowly returned to normal as I righted myself into a sitting position. “That’s alright, thank you.”

     Upon receiving my consent, Li Wai gently placed the blanket around my shoulders, ensuring it covered my full body. The warmth of the soft wool was comforting, prompting a small smile to flit across my face.

     “Does Empress require my help to be escorted back to the room?”

     Fully awake now, I looked out the window. Flashes of light lit up the sky, illuminating the torrent of rain that continued to drench the fields. There was no way I could sleep comfortably with this ongoing thunderstorm.

     Shaking my head, I replied, “No it’s alrigh-”

     Cut off by another roar from the skies, I pressed the heel of my palms to my ears, shuddering as the sound reverberated through the walls of the hut. When was this agony going to end??

     Li Wai’s soft voice broke through the veil of my anxiety. “Empress, should I accompany you here instead?”

     My hands lowering, I glanced up at him. His brows were knitted together, lips downturned as he regarded me with concern. Though my heart desperately wanted him to stay, there was no way I could-

     A louder crack of thunder sent my nerves into overdrive. Tears sprung to my eyes as I lost my composure. Nodding vigorously, I brought my knees up to my chest, curling up into a ball.

     “Thank you, Empress,” he complied, taking a seat beside me.

     I rocked to and fro on the balls of my feet, trying to calm the knots of tension that continued to build in the pits of my stomach. Lost in my own world, a soft touch on my shoulder sent an electric shock through my body. Instinctively, my body jerked away and it was only a second later that I remembered who was beside me.

     Turning my head to look at him, I could see the hurt that was etched in his face. Wanting to assure him that it wasn’t his fault, I relaxed my posture and released the tight grip on my knees. I exhaled softly, trying to dispel my inner demons. “I didn’t mean to react that way. It’s just… bad memories. You get it.”

     Li Wai nodded slowly, his hand retracting as he lowered his gaze. We sat in silence, the only sound coming from the rain drumming on the roof outside. The treacherous thunder was quiet too and my racing heartbeat slowly returned to normal.

     “I’m sorry.”

     It was so soft an apology that I could have easily mistaken it for the whispers of the wind. Frowning, I arched an eyebrow as I looked at him. “What?”

     His gaze still stuck to the ground, he bit his bottom lip. “If… I had chosen to enter the Forbidden Palace together with you… maybe… all this wouldn’t have happened.”

     My expression softened. The marks of guilt imprinted on his face and the regret that laced his tone was plain to see. Unlike me who had thrown away my past and not regretted my decisions, he had always lived with the burden of letting me go that day. How hard must it have been for him to hear about my undertakings in the Forbidden Palace day after day?

     Gulping down the urge to reach out to him, I tore my eyes away from his person, focusing instead on the cold pot of tea that was still resting on the table. It wasn’t his fault that we became what we were today.

     My tone was soft when I replied but my words, firm. “Don’t be silly. It would still have happened anyway.”

     “Why? Is… revenge that important to you?”

     I sucked in a breath as old faded memories from a time long past invaded my senses before I expertly shut them down.

     “Of course not,” I scoffed. “I’m not the naïve fourteen-year old I once was. Revenge was far too narrow-minded a goal to have.”

     “No, what I desire..” Pausing, my fingers curled tightly into balls. “…is to bring good life to the people of my land.”

     “And that implies neutralizing the Tufan threat,” I finished decisively.

     “So…. the war continues.” It was more a statement than a question by Li Wai, his voice resigned and tired.

     My lips pressed into a thin line, the truth of the matter being that I too was tired of war. The amount of time, resources, and manpower expended into such a sinkhole could be redirected into improving so many other important facets of the country and its people. Yet ignoring the direct threat of the Tufan invasion was impossible.

     “The Tufan leader is not one to be reasoned with,” I explained. “Our negotiations with him have always fallen through for he has only one thing on his mind – power. And if that shall be the case, we will never let him have our land or our people.”

     Li Wai remained silent, his head bowed in thought. “What about the rumor that Han Ge mentioned during dinner?” he spoke after a brief moment. “The Tufan leader’s illegitimate son Zhike Yage?”

      His words gave me pause. Indeed it was an incredible revelation if the rumors were true that Zhike was the mastermind behind my kidnapping. The entire operation itself was certainly beyond the simple-minded Tufan leader who was incapable of handling such an intricate, complex deal. Zhike, the main Tufan strategist and commander, was probably the only man who could pull it off.

      But that only went to show how conniving and masterful he was. Whether he did such a thing as a way to resolve the war with as little bloodshed as possible… or as a way to collude with Prime Minister Lu Bei and establish a shaky trade deal….

      Remembering that Li Wai was waiting on me to answer, I stiffened. “That is outside of your duty and responsibility to know.”

      He immediately prostrated himself before me, his palms against the floor. “I apologize, Empress. Of course Empress would know what is best for our beloved nation.”

      Waving a hand in acceptance, I willed him to sit as per normal. “That is fine-”

      A loud crash followed by an ear-jarring boom shook the mud house to its core. My hands shot up to cup my ears as my body shook involuntarily.

      “When is this ever going to stop??” I cried between gritted teeth, the pain of having that sense of insecurity creeping up on me washing over my body in waves. Mumbling to myself, I almost forgot the presence of Li Wai beside me until a nostalgic melody broke through the din outside.

月儿明，风儿静 (The moon is bright, the wind is quiet)

      I stopped rocking back and forth, concentrating on Li Wai’s voice.

树叶遮窗棂。(The tree leaves hang over the window)

     Opening my eyes slowly, I sneaked a look over at him. He kept his hands to himself this time after my initial rejection of any physical contact. But the look of concern in his eyes showed, the lines in his forehead even more prominent as his lips formed the words of the old peasant lullaby.

小宝宝，快睡觉，(My little baby, go to sleep quickly.)

     I remembered this now. It was what he used to sing to me all those years ago when we were but little kids. In times of sickness or sorrow, he would hum the simple melody over and over until I had tired of crying. Just hearing it now made my body tingle with a glowing warmth that I had not felt since years past.

睡在那个梦中。(Sleep dreaming sweet dreams.)

     My eyelids drooping as his voice gently caressed my soul to sleep, Li Wai’s visage blurred, replaced by a younger version of the stoic man. A small smile flitted across my lips at the sight of him before everything turned to black.

     If only sweet dreams were more than dreams… Li Wai.