After the exam week and school was over, some things about the relationship felt a little fishy. Everything was fading away with her for some odd reason and I didn’t know what caused it. I wasn’t sure if it was me or not but I thought it was for at least two weeks or so. I reminded myself what to do to treat a girl right. I drove to her house a few times, brought flowers twice when she was in a bad mood, and I tried cheering her up on social media but still wasn’t working. Literally none of the things I was doing were effective at all. I felt like a failure at this point. I tend to find out what’s going on and try to get the answer in every situation... especially bad ones. A month after school was over and it was a week before my birthday, she broke up with me in a long ass text message around 2 am in the morning. The text message sums up saying “it seems like you’re giving 110% and I feel like I’m not giving anything in return because I don’t have time… I hope we can stay close but I understand if you don’t want to talk after this. And this is what’s the best for me right now and the best for you even though you might not think so.” I woke up when she sent that and I couldn’t sleep because I didn’t believe it at first. My response to that was saying “this has been my first real relationship and I really don’t know how often to see you… no one has caught my eye to feel like this. I know you don’t want to talk anymore but I’ll be here, I won’t bother you for a while. Talk to you later Sophia.” I honestly would’ve still been sleeping if my phone was on vibrate and continued the dream I was having. All the things in my head were scrambled. Nothing was connecting and I felt heartbroken. I did what I could do and I ended up with failure. I questioned myself on every little detail that was in that text message. The only thing I didn’t believe was the last part when she said, “this is what’s best for me right now and the best for you even though you might not think so.” I told myself I’m down to change, I’m down to make this work out but the next morning I believed it. I remember her being right with almost everything, not going to lie but she’s a smart girl and I adore that because I think you can learn a lot of things with someone smarter than you. You can continue to grow and be interested but above all, you should undoubtedly be proud that you are with them or well, at the moment. Next morning, I stayed in the gym parking lot for a good half hour thinking about all of this. I honestly teared up the whole time then I told myself “okay stop being a little bitch and get your ass in the gym.” Half an hour later, I couldn’t even work out. I look at myself in the mirror and I all I see is a broken face. Especially when her job is literally across the parking lot. I usually go there for smoothies after I get a good workout in but I forced myself not to go there ever again because of this whole situation. I honestly didn’t know what to do at this moment. This was the most horrible state of my life. I felt like something was on top of me like a boulder or something because I knew something was totally wrong. I couldn’t get her out of my head, I was miserable for a long time. Even though it was my birthday in a few days, nothing could ever make me happy. By the time summer was over, I had to take a placement test or what schools would call it, an “accuplacer test” for college. I remember when I sat down and began the test I couldn’t focus right. When I was reading the questions, I knew they were basic questions and not tricky at all but my mind wouldn’t let me choose a final answer. I basically half guessed the whole test. After the test was over, I got my results. I failed. I honestly didn’t expect that so I told them I will retake it as soon as possible because if I don’t retake it or pass the test, I can’t even get into the school. Next week came along and so did the test. I remembered some questions which helped me a little bit but when I couldn’t find out an answer to a question, my mind jumped back to what I dealt with a few months ago, which was the relationship I had. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. My mind wanted to figure out why we broke up more than figuring out the questions to this damn test. I had a feeling my results will end up being bad again but I pulled through the end. Got my results and what do you know? I failed once again. I didn’t know what to do but I was nearly a few points off on every subject so I took it once more. The very last placement test of the year so I had lots of pressure on my shoulders. I was confident enough to take it again and very positive that I’ll pass. During the test, Sophia came in my head again but this time I turned the tables and told myself “I’m doing this for her, I know I can do it” instead of thinking about how she broke up with me and thinking about what went wrong. When I finished the test, I seen the results… I passed! I was glad but wasn’t satisfied because that was my third time taking it. I felt like a brainless teenager. Within the first semester of college, I’ve nearly had a 4.0 GPA. I told myself “okay, this is going fairly well. Let’s see how far I can go keeping this GPA.” Next semester came and it flew by fast. I think it flew by fast is because I only took four classes and stayed indoors the whole time. I got addicted to a competitive game called League of Legends and that game LITERALLY takes over your life. The third semester came is when I started my major classes. I found myself thinking about Sophia again. The reason why I started thinking about her again is because I wanted to be in a relationship with someone but she always popped up in my head whenever I think of being in one at the time. I wanted to be in a relationship with a cute girl in my college class but I felt I wasn't ready. Sophia was literally the only one that I knew who shows how confident she is in everything and she always looks good everywhere she goes. When I thought about her during that semester, I was sharing some of my stories with my friend in class and I showed him how Sophia always looked and told him everything about her. He asked me “so… are you over her? Because you’ve been talking about her for a week with me” with a grin on his face. I said, “I don’t know, I guess not”. I didn’t speak about Sophia to my friend until the next semester started. Even though she was on my mind for a month or two, I went to go check her social media to see how she was doing. It seemed like she was fine with life and everything is going her way. I felt good and sad at the same time. Good part was that it looks like she’s happy with life but the sad part is that I wasn’t there to see what she had accomplished since we broke up. To think about it, I missed her a bit and I knew I couldn’t do anything because she was the last one that sent a message during the break up and I didn’t feel like saying anything to her. When I thought about the break up again, I knew I didn’t do anything wrong and that’s probably why I didn’t say anything to her. I was always expecting an apology message from her because that’s when I knew it was her fault for breaking up for no apparent reason at all. Nothing exciting happened for the rest of the spring semester of college. In the upcoming summer, I decided to chat with a girl with good intentions. We talked about her future, that she worksout, and played soccer for nearly five years! That made me more interested in her because working out is one of my hobbies and I played soccer in my last year of high school and I loved it. Her name was Kayla. She talked to me first but I’ve noticed she was interested in me for a few weeks. Kayla was liking my photos on social media but I didn’t do much about it because it’s just likes, not really saying you want to hang out or not. So, we talked for about a few weeks and I took her on a date for some ice cream. During the date, we chatted about getting to know each other and it seemed like she was shy but talking truthfully the whole time. She told me that she’ll go to the University in Minnesota. After the date ended, I’d say Kayla’s an intelligent girl and knows what she wants in her future but she was shy nearly the whole time. Also, I don’t like completely shy girls at all and I guess that’s what made the date not that exciting. Next semester came and I found myself talking with a girl that went to one of my old schools (before I met Sophia) and we hung out a few times. Her name was Angela. She hit me up first so I just proceeded to ask to hang with her. We went out to eat a few times getting to know each other and went to the movies for a double date with two of my close friends. We cuddled during the movie which I didn’t expect at all and also kissed and whatnot. After two weeks hanging out with her, I felt something that was wrong with me. I knew she likes to party and smokes weed a lot but Angela’s looks and her intelligence made me think twice if I wanted to be in a relationship with her. I distanced Angela for a few days to see what she would do and she proceeded to talk with her ex. That left me thinking like okay, i’ll just do my own thing now just because she went back to her ex. It didn’t bother me much because I was already let down since the breakup I had with Sophia. So, Angela and I stayed mutual greeting each other here and there. This is when I wanted to focus on myself the rest of the semester and planned to finish my college degree as soon as possible.