Theodore James kicked at the toe of Connor’s shoe. When Connor glanced over, he found Theo’s gaze fixed on the ground. It was late and Theodore was walking Connor back to his apartment, because Theo was the sort of guy who always insisted on walking people back to their apartments. Connor chewed on his bottom lip. This had been going on for a year. Almost a year. A year on the 31st. A year of Theo walking Connor back to his apartment to make sure he was safe, and then refusing to let Connor walk him back to his apartment to make sure that he was safe. Connor had offered a couple of times, but Theo would always just laugh and say, “No, Con, I’ll be fine. You’re the one that someone would want to abduct.” It was nice, Theo walking him home. It was the kind of concern Connor and his sisters showed one another, the kind of concern he’d seen between his sisters’ friends.

Theodore was being uncharacteristically quiet. Usually, he would do celebrity impressions and tell animated stories about the kids in his music classes. Sometimes, he’d make up songs. Stupid ones about Connor and whatever was happening around them. Sometimes, he’d shimmy his shoulders at Connor and then raise his eyebrows. Sometimes, he’d do dramatic recitations of rap songs. On most nights, Theodore was just trying to make Connor laugh, or make the room laugh, or make himself laugh.

That night, though, he had just been quiet. It sucked for Connor because it meant that Theodore was probably sad. Or pensive. Or...something. And Connor didn’t want Theodore to be sad, or pensive, or anything other than his usual self. Ever, but especially not that night.

Connor tapped his toe against Theo’s, but Theo still didn’t look over at him.

“Are you embarrassed by me?” Theodore asked the ground.

That made Connor laugh, although it clearly wasn’t supposed to. “Of course not.”

Theodore didn’t even crack a smile. Connor reached out to take his hand, but Theo slipped it into the pocket of his coat before Connor got the chance. That was a bad sign. Nothing was going right. Connor studied Theo’s profile while Theo studied the sidewalk ahead of them. He had messy, light brown hair, tinged with golden blond. He had a short beard that he kept neatly trimmed. He was robust and well-dressed and infallibly handsome. Better than that, he was kind. Handsome guys, in Connor’s experience, weren’t hard to find or fool around with. Kind ones, on the other hand…

Theodore was the best guy Connor had ever known. He was certainly the best Connor had ever dated. Theo taught music in a high school, and in his free-time he volunteered at an after-school program teach music to underprivileged kids. He also volunteered at a soup kitchen. He had a pet cat that he took to visit hospice patients. He was almost unreal. Connor would write articles on school shootings and genocide and he’d be on the brink of declaring humankind irredeemable, and then he’d see his boyfriend jovially instructing a lost tourist to the nearest subway stop. Theodore could restore the whole world’s faith in humanity.

“Theo?” Connor asked. Theo still wouldn’t look at him. He was shadowed by the night and Connor hated it because it made the moment feel ominous. It felt like...an ending. But Connor couldn’t have an ending with Theo because it was Theo and Connor loved him.

“It’s just…” Theo told the ground. “It’s almost been a year now.”

Connor’s heart threw itself against his ribcage.

“Please don’t,” he whispered. His eyes stung.

Theo’s gaze shot over to Connor, a concerned crease formed over one of his eyebrows. “Please don’t what?”

“I don’t know,” Connor said. He scuffed his toe against the ground. “Please don’t...end things, I guess. Is that what you’re doing? Because...that’s not how this evening was supposed to go.”

Theo laughed. It wasn’t his normal, cheery laugh, but it wasn’t entirely humorless. He started to say, “I’m n--”

But Connor cut him off. He slipped a hand around each of Theo’s wrists, which wasn’t an easy task as both of Theo’s hands were stuffed into his pockets. Connor stepped out in front of him so that they were facing each other. “I love you,” he said. “Do you still love me?”

“Of course,” Theo said, shaking his head, just slightly. “But I--”

“Then marry me,” Connor said. As soon as he said it, he knew that he didn’t say it right. It sounded more like a solution than a question. If the night had gone right, Connor would have asked it better. He would have asked it without any desperation in his tone.

Theo frowned. Connor figured that didn’t bode well for him. Quietly, Theodore said, “Be serious.”

Connor was being serious, but when he tried to explain that to Theo, it just seemed to annoy Theo more. With a stern voice that Connor had never heard him use before, Theodore said, “Stop. Connor.”

Connor felt scolded and shamed. He could imagine Theodore using that tone with his students, but only when they were really acting up.

“Hey,” he mumbled. “I really was going to ask you tonight. Like, I had a plan and everything. But I didn’t, you know, do it right. You seemed, like, sad. And stuff. So I thought I should wait. But, look.”

Connor dug in his pockets. He was nervous and fumbling. Settled at the bottom of one pocket, beneath a wadded up pair of gloves he probably ought to be wearing was a small, velvety box. He pulled it out and thrust it into Theo’s hands. Theo looked down at his hands. He frowned at the box. He frowned at Connor. He pressed the box back into Connor’s hands, not even opening it to see the two silver rings nestled inside. Pressure built between Connor’s eyes and his gaze dropped to the ground between them.

“It’s almost been a year,” Theo said again. “And you still haven’t introduced me to your family. You haven’t even told them about me.”

“What’s that matter?” Connor mumbled.

“It matters,” Theo answered.

“If I did, though?” Connor asked, still staring at the ground.

Theo kicked his toe against Connor’s and answered, “If you did, though.”

They had stopped in front of Connor’s apartment building. Theodore pressed his lips against Connor’s temple and said, “Goodnight.”

Quietly, Connor asked if Theo wanted to come up, and, just as quietly, Theo replied, “Not tonight.” Connor nodded, blinked twice, and said goodnight. Then, he went upstairs and called his sister. Briefly, he considered calling his mother, but he decided against it. His mother was kind of a lot to deal with.

“Katelyn,” he said as soon as she answered, before she got out her greeting. “I need your help.”

“Okay, hold on a sec,” she said. She must have been at work because she called out to somebody that she was taking a fifteen and then he heard a door open and shut. “Ugh, it’s cold out here. Okay. So. What’s up? And please make it fast I left my coat inside.”

Connor’s sisters both knew that he was gay, but, since Katelyn was closer to him in age, and closer to him in general, Katelyn knew more than Elizabeth did. Katelyn knew that there was a Theo. They hadn’t met or anything, but Connor had already decided that, if she ever visited him, he’d introduce them. Maybe he should have told Theo that, maybe then Theo wouldn’t think...whatever he was thinking that turned him into someone angry and sad.

“I’m going to...I’m coming home for Christmas,” he said.

“Shoot,” Katelyn said under her breath. That was a weird response, especially to have come from Katelyn. She was, despite the fact that they rarely saw each other, Connor’s best friend. “I mean, not shoot. It’s just...okay. Connor. Here’s the thing, if you’re coming home for Christmas, I’m going to need your help with something.”

“Yeah, sure, but can I tell you my thing that I need your help with first?” Connor laughed.

“Oh, right, yeah, what’s up?”

“I’m going to bring Theo.”

“You ARE?” Katelyn squealed. He could practically hear her grinning. “Seriously? I’m going to get to meet him?? That’s so great! I’m so exc--oh. Ohhhh. OH! Are you going to tell the parents? Beforehand?”

“Um. I...I kind of haven’t given it much thought so...probably not,” Connor brushed his palm over the back of his head, mussing up his hair. He hadn’t really wanted to ever come out to his parents. It wasn’t that he thought they’d take the news badly, it was just that he didn’t want to have to deal with the act of coming out. He didn’t want to have to shift in his parents’ perception of him. “Can you just...be the one who picks us up from the airport? I’m booking flights online right now. We’ll be there on the morning of the 22nd, okay? So, um, can you tell mom that I’ll be coming? And that I’ll be bringing someone?”

“Sure thing, little brother,” Katelyn said. “Just text me the details.”

“Thanks. So. What’s your thing?” Connor asked.

“Jason and I broke up,” she said. She sounded unbothered by this bit of information. Connor was not surprised. He had met Jason when he visited his sister in October. He thought Jason was pretty terrible. “But I told mom that he’d be there because I didn’t want to hear about how I was destined for spinsterhood or whatever.”

“Dang, sis,” Connor said. “How are you going to explain his absence then?”

“I’m not,” she replied. Her voice lilted at the end, almost like it was a question. Then, she sighed heavily and explained, “I’m bringing my coworker, Dylan. We’re going to, like, pretend he’s Jason. I just need you to go along with it. Because everyone knows you’ve met him. The, you know, real him.”

“That,” Connor told her, “Is a spectacularly stupid idea.”

“Yeah,” she mumbled. Then, she added, unnecessarily, “And you should have just come out to the parents when you were seeing that guy in high school and then you wouldn’t have to worry about introducing them to Theo.”

“Shut up,” he told her.

“Back at you, brother. See you Friday?”

“Yeah, see you Friday.” After hanging up with his sister, he called Theo, but Theo didn’t answer. He’d have to try again; he needed Theo to agree to see him. Then, Connor hoped, he’d be able to convince Theo to go with him to Kansas City, and that would set them back on track.