When Connor woke up, Theo was still there, next to him. He took that as a good sign. It had been a fight to get Theo to stay in the first place. It was strange because the night before, at Serendipity III, it seemed like things were good. Like they’d made peace; like they’d gotten on the same page. Then Theo had gone with Connor to the club where he was deejaying and, somewhere, along the way Connor must have messed up again. By the end of the night, Theo was back to being quiet and sullen and, when they got back to Connor’s apartment, he’d tried to leave.

So, when Connor woke up and found Theo still next to him, not having bolted at some point during the night, he decided that maybe he just shouldn’t let Theo out of his sight. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to let Theo out of his sight for the rest of their lives. He’d have to quit everything and devote his life to substitute teaching in the same school where Theo taught music just to make sure Theodore wouldn’t get enough time to himself to think through their relationship and decide Connor wasn’t worth the misery he was apparently putting Theodore through. Connor swallowed. He hoped he was wrong. He didn’t want to be whatever was making Theo miserable.

With the bridge of his nose, Connor nudged his boyfriend’s shoulder until Theodore finally blinked awake.

“Am I making you miserable?” Connor asked. This might be his fatal flaw. His entire life was a patchwork quilt of secrets and, yet, he wanted to be able to say things just as soon as he thought them. This was why he felt so blessed to have met Theodore. He was pretty convinced that Theo was a gift that God had given him.

They had met during Connor’s senior year of college. At the time, Connor was substitute teaching across the hall from Theo’s classroom. It was Connor’s first time subbing and Theo must have seen the panic in Connor’s eyes because he dropped by twice to offer Connor some assistance. At the end of the day, Connor offered to buy him a drink to say thanks. That same night, Connor told Theo that he was gay, and Theo shrugged and said, “Cool, same.” Throughout the next couple of months, they hung out a few times in a friend capacity. During the first week of their friendship, Connor told Theo that Dwayne was actually his middle name and that he only used it when he substitute taught because he didn’t want anyone linking him to the C.D. Eubanks who had written a well circulated opinion piece criticizing the school district’s unimpressive language arts curriculum. Then, after two months, Theo invited Connor to a New Year’s Eve party, but Connor had to decline because he was working. As it turned out, the New Year’s Eve party was at the club where Connor was deejaying. So, after an hour, he took what was supposed to be a fifteen minute break, during which time Connor dragged Theo into a backroom so he could reveal his identity and ask him if he wanted to be boyfriends. He’d also done it just so they could finally make out, which they did. A lot. So much so that the Knight Rocker was late to the second half of his show.

Basically, ever since Connor met Theo, he’d trusted him implicitly. And, ever since they first met, Connor had wanted Theo to be part of everything.

After a few moments passed without Theodore answering, Connor started worrying that Theodore wasn’t answering because he wasn’t sure how to answer honestly. Then, Connor realized that Theo had just fallen back to sleep.

“What?” Theo mumbled, irritated, after Connor successfully woke him up again.

“Am I making you miserable?”

“Yes, let me sleep,” Theo complained.

“That’s sweet, but no,” Connor said. He pushed himself up so that he was leaning over Theo and leaned down to kiss him. Theodore still smelled like the night before. Like club sweat and cigarettes and cold night air. As they kissed, Theodore wrapped a hand around Connor’s side and pushed his fingers beneath Connor’s t-shirt. Connor slid a hand into Theo’s hair. When Connor finally pulled back, he laid down in the crook between Theo’s side and arm, resting his cheek against Theo’s chest.

“What did I do?” Connor asked. “Last night? Why didn’t you want to stay?”

“Nothing,” Theodore said. Connor frowned. Theodore didn’t lie, not to Connor anyway, but Connor still wasn’t convinced that what Theodore was saying was true. Theo must have sensed that Connor was unconvinced because he sighed and said, “I just...I don’t know. I’ve got some stuff I’m trying to work through.”

“What stuff?” Connor asked. Absentmindedly, he traced patterns across Theodore’s stomach as Theodore drummed his fingertips against Connor’s hip.

“Just stuff,” Theodore sighed, not even pretending to be helpful.

“Tell me,” Connor said.”I tell you things. I tell you everything.”

Theodore let out a sigh, elongated and annoyed. Connor really hoped Theo would listen to him without deciding to argue about it. Every argument they ever had was an argument that Connor lost. It was incredibly frustrating, because even when it seemed like Connor was right, Theodore would find some way of being more right. Theodore didn’t decide to argue, though. After a moment of thought he explained, “You didn’t do anything last night. I was just...uncomfortable. Because of that club owner.”

“Oh,” Connor said quietly. “I’m sorry about that.”

Connor wanted to take Theodore into every part of his life, but he wished that there was a way for him to do it without getting Theodore in such close proximity of some of the crap people Connor that had to work with and for. At the club the night before, while Connor was working, Theodore had taken photos for him to post on his Knight Rocker accounts. All of the photographs were fantastic. There were these cool shots of the lights and people dancing and Connor’s hands on the records ready to scratch. There was one with Connor as a silhouette and a crowd of dancing people in bright colorful lights beyond him that Connor was thinking of using as his new profile picture. All of the photos looked how the club felt: like excitement and possibilities, like sticky floors and blaring music and the sweet stench of booze and sweat.

After the show, as Connor was scrolling through the pictures that Theo had taken, marveling at one--the fragment of the bartender, one tattooed forearm, a rag in one hand, wiping down the bar, and a beer bottle held by a different hand adorned with several, silver rings--the club owner stopped by to congratulate him on a good show and sort out the payment for the night. The club owner, a middle-aged, balding man named Dennis who had probably never really been edgy, had painted the nails on one hand black and tattooed a devil on one bicep in an attempt to seem hip.

“Cool set tonight,” Dennis, or D-Man as he insisted people called him, said.

“Thanks,” Connor said, smiling as though D-Man didn’t bother him.

“So, $250 for tonight,” Dennis said, rifling through his wallet.

“We agreed on $375,” Connor replied, fighting to keep any bite of irritation out of his voice.

“Ah, but,” Dennis started. Connor held up a hand halting him immediately. He had experienced this once or twice before, with really skeezy club owners. They’d give him some bunk about equipment rental and hiring a crew or renting him the stage or whatever.

“No,” Connor said. He nodded in Theo’s direction and continued, “We brought our own equipment, he did all the setup, now he’s doing all the tear down, and we agreed on $375. It’s in the contract.”

“Hm,” Dennis said. He scowled for a bit before passing Connor the cash and turning to watch Theodore pack up the sound system.

“Hey,” Dennis said, calling out to Theo. “How long have you been Knight Rocker’s roadie? And how much does he pay you? And how does he pay you? Because we’re always looking for guys to work the shows and we can keep you flush with cash and--”

Theodore was frozen, slack jawed and unsure how to respond, so Connor had interrupted, “Theo, you ready head out?” Theodore had nodded in response, and after that he’d gone quiet.

“Don’t think too much about him,” Connor said, curling into Theo’s side. “He’s a sleaze.”

“He thought I worked for you,” Theo replied, spitting out worked like that was the real insult in the exchange. Connor frowned.

“Well, he just...assumed. Because you were helping me. And because you were actually good at helping me. Like, one time I had a gig while Katelyn was in town. She’s the only other person who knows, y’know, that I’m Knight Rocker. So, I asked her to come with me and lend a hand during the show. And Katelyn, well, she’s awesome. Seriously, you’re going to love her. But, well, she agreed to help and was borderline useless while she was there. Like, during both set-up and tear-down she was just constantly like, “What do you want me to do? Where does this go? Oh my gosh, did I break it?”

Theodore laughed at that. It didn’t usually take much to get Theo to laugh, but he’d been so quiet and sullen lately that Connor felt victorious in that moment.

“Do you want to get pancakes?” Connor asked. “I have to write a review of the place down the street anyway.”

“Yeah, sure,” Theo replied. Connor pressed his lips against Theo’s hairline. When Theodore smiled, Connor almost just asked him again. He could feel the shape of the words in his mouth. They were impatient and wanted him to speak them outloud. Theo, will you marry me? He refrained from asking, though, because Theodore had yet to meet Connor’s family and he’d said that he needed to meet them before he would say yes.

If he was being honest, which he didn’t particularly feel like being, Connor was a little afraid that Theodore would still say “no.” Connor would take him to Kansas City and introduce him to his family, coming out in the process. And then, Theodore still wouldn’t marry him because he just didn’t really want to. Connor tried to swallow the thought down.

Theo had said he’d marry Connor. Kind of. Or, well, he’d implied at least. He had suggested that, if Connor introduced Theo to the rest of the Eubanks, then Connor would ask again and Theo would marry him. There was a precedent for this sort of thing. Elizabeth Bennet said no the first time Darcy asked her to marry him. Then, the second time, she said yes. Theodore and Connor could be just like Pride and Prejudice.

Connor didn’t want to be just like Pride and Prejudice, though. If he had to be any Austen novel, he’d like to be, like...Emma probably. Yeah. Emma. He’d be Emma because he was the one who was perpetually messing up, and Theodore would be Knightley because he was infallibly good and everybody loved him. It would also fit because, recently, Theodore had been annoyed with Connor about as frequently as Knightley had been annoyed with Emma in the book.

“What?” Theodore asked, sliding a hand over Connor’s cheek. Connor shook his head, realizing he’d been stalling there, propped up next to and staring down at Theo.

“You’ll say yes, right?” Connor whispered. His throat felt dry. “When I ask again?”

Theo nodded in response, but it was such a slight gesture, almost imperceivable, that Connor wasn’t totally convinced it hadn’t just been a trick of the light. It was enough of a gesture, though, for Connor’s heart to chuck itself against his sternum. Theodore pushed himself up and sat with his back resting against the headboard. Swiftly, he pulled Connor up, too, so that they were sitting, facing one another. Then, just as quickly, Theo had his mouth pressed against Connor’s mouth and his fingertips pressed against Connor’s spine and Connor had his hands knotted in Theodore’s golden brown hair. Connor’s heart threw itself wildly and recklessly around in the confines of his chest. This was what he wanted: right now and forever and just more.