r/offmychest

u/jazcarter

Why can’t I forget about everything

I wish I could just forget about things. I feel like there are times when I just obsess on things that I can’t change or do. I wish that I didn’t feel pain for shit that happened so long ago. Or try to come up with ways I can fix something I can’t. When someone unmatches on tinder with me. Someone who is close and I could just go to their dorm and asked what I did wrong. Constantly thinking about people who don’t give a fuck about me. I just want to be able to forget about people who fuck me over quickly.

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“I told her that I loved her,” Jazmine responded.

Ryan was now sitting on her bed with her head in her hands with a shocked expression. Then a few minutes after it turned into confusion. “Why did you tell her that you loved her and why did that make you upset all summer?”

Jazmine took and breath just let it all out, for the first time since it happened. “I was a little under the influence, but I knew exactly what I was doing. I knew that I shouldn’t have done it, but I did. I just snapped her, I had to unblock her first and then she had to add me back on snap to receive the message. I knew that she wouldn’t add me back, so it didn’t really bother me at first. The next day, sh did and read the messages and she didn’t respond. I just felt bad for her. I kept messaging this girl who wanted nothing to do with me. I also felt like I disrespected her relationship, by telling her that. Also, she has nowhere in her heart for me, to love me. I just felt like it was stupid and she didn’t care. I just let myself feel the pain over the summer because I thought it would help me get over her. There are times when I still just get sad randomly, you know.” Jazmine said trying not to cry.

For a few minutes, they sat in silence, allowing Jazmine to settle down. After that Jazmine started to question and overthink everything she just said. What if Ryan thinks she is overreacting to something that never happened. That she fell in love with someone who she was never with and had no reason to be sad. That this was all her fault and that she should have just left her alone and got over this girl when she first realized that the girl didn’t want anything to do with Jazmine.

Ryan interrupted Jazmine’s overthinking and told her, “You don’t have to feel so bad about the fact that you love her. It’s not something you could control, but for some reason, you are trying to. I know that you are not truly upset about how you feel, but how this girl feels and how telling her would probably make her feel. You feel bad for this girl, from what you tell me, who doesn’t care about you. She’s in a relationship, and you think she can’t love you back. I have been with married men, I am not saying it’s a good thing, but it’s not the worst thing you could do. I have always said the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone.”

Jazmine really took in what Ryan told her. Even though she said, that Jazmine shouldn’t feel bad about how she feels, she can’t help it. It really amazed Jazmine how well Ryan was able to read her and give advice on the situation. She really liked the fact that her roommate was so nice about it.

Ryan wasn’t the only person who told her that to get over someone is to move on to someone new. It wasn’t an actual person who told Jazmine this, it was from a few shows. She doesn’t have friends. She decided to take Ryan up on that last piece of advice especially since she just turned 18 a week and a half ago. The only problem was, she didn’t know how to.

“So how do I get under someone, as you put it?” Jazmine asked her very experienced roommate.

“You could meet someone in person, ask for their number, flirt with them.” When Ryan saw the confused look on Jazmine’s face, she continued with, “Or dating apps to get started. Let’s create that profile.”

The first thing Jazmine needed to was to put in her number, that’s kind of sketchy. Ryan told her it’s for logging in, but that didn’t calm her nerves. She also had to put in the university she went to, also something she was suspicious about. What if someone on this dating app tries to come to find her, they can because they know what college she goes to. The chances of kidnapping are higher. The last step was the photos and bio.

“So where do you keep your photos? You only have memes and natural hair videos in your photos. Where are you selfies and stuff?” Ryan asked confused.

“I don’t have any,” Jazmine responded, suddenly very self-conscious.

She never felt pretty enough to take selfies and photos. The only time she took photos was when her family wanted pictures of her at family events.

“Time to take some and put them on Tinder,” Ryan exclaimed, she was very excited to take photos of Jazmine and she did.

They went outside and had a little photoshoot, Jazmine didn’t really like how she looked in the photos, but she liked the pictures. She also had fun getting to know her roommate and just being around her fun personality.