I remember the feeling as if i just felt it a few minutes ago. I remember it all. The heart wrenching feeling. Was it the thought of them breaking their promises? Or the thought that my place was already taken?
My heart broke there and then, but it was worse than before, worse than ever before. The thought they had my place filled so quickly. I knew it was going to happen but not that quick.
Tears fill my eyes and fleeing them just as quick as hey came by streaming down my face. It felt like i had been crying for hours. My heart broke. The boy that i fell in love with had just moved on without a second thought of my feelings, like he didn’t care about me. My body wouldn’t stop shaking.
Trying to figure out why i was in so much pain. The screaming ache in my heart felt like forever. I don’t think it’ll ever leave. I couldn’t breath properly like i lost the ability. Gripping onto my chest attempting to breath once again. I called my closest friend. Panting. I was suffocating in my own pool of tears, chocking hoping i could breath. I lay there broken explaining the situation, as i suddenly felt numb and able to breath once again. But then the dreadful feeling came creeping back.
The friend i had called had muted me and told a friend which called out the whole situation and my ex lover had threatened to leave. I loved them, I didn’t want them to leave me. I needed them. I continue to cry while gasping for air, suffocating. Choking. Thinking ‘i guess that’s how much i mean to anyone, my thoughts become like a dark cave each thought getting worse and worse. Darker and darker.
To this day i feel this feeling inside me, screaming in pain. Broken hearted, lost and empty. The feeling always comes back to mess with me. Every day i try to hold back my tears and pain. Sick to my stomach, the thought of being forever alone…
I catch myself reliving that moment over and over, in thought and dreams. The breath, i breath slips from my lips, gasping for the air that they stole along with my happiness. Tears aborting my eyes. Gasping, choking and panting attempt of finally being able to breath even though this happened a month ago. When will i be free? Free from them.
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