His eyes on the door of his bedroom, Oahn sighed heavily. What a strange day. Even though the night before wasn't complete and he could only remember a few scenes, Oahn wasn't surprised to find Ashil in his room. In fact, when he had opened his eyes, finding someone sleeping deeply, rolled up into a ball, in his armchair had seemed normal to him. Oahn didn't know if it was the fact that it was anyone other than Ashil or if through his blurry vision he had imagined someone else. But when he stared at Ashil's back leaving the room and then the white door of his bedroom closing, a feeling of lightness had seized his heart. It was as if this scene he had already experienced it in an inner life or in a parallel life. Because this scene wasn't the result of a painful moment, but a message of hope.

Oahn looked away from the door and detailed himself. He noticed a brownish stain on his polo shirt and went quickly in the shower. The hot water running down his back, he let it relax the muscles of his body. Wrapped in the hot mist, he escaped from reality.

Out of the shower and dressed simply, he slowly went down the stairs while scanning the living room. The sunlight bathed the room with its heat and lit the place. Oahn sat down heavily on the couch, put his legs on the coffee table and turned on the television. He changed the channels without ever stopping on one. The silence covering him, he finally put the remote control down. Resting his head on the back of the couch, Oahn closed his eyes, his heart filling again with loneliness.

"The boy from last night is charming," a voice behind his back announced.

Oahn opened his eyes and titled his head back a little more, watching his sister come down the stairs.

"You should take him home more often."

Jimin passed over his legs and headed for the kitchen. Oahn stared at her, wondering why she was telling him these things.

Jimin returned two minutes later to the living room, a bowl in her hands. She put it on the coffee table and sat down next to her brother.

"I made you some porridge. Too bad the boy didn't stay, he could have tasted my cooking."

Oahn sat up straight, getting into a more comfortable position, took the bowl and began to eat.

His sister wasn't a chef, but she knew how to make the best remedies against hangover.

"He had something to do," Oahn said after awhile.

"I know, he told me."

"He has an assignment to return," Oahn justified himself.

Actually, his answer surprised him, leaving a spoon full of porridge in the air. Why did he have to justify Ashil's departure? He didn't care what he had to do. He was nobody to hold him accountable. Right?

"Uh... I... he told me before leaving. So no need to imagine things," Oahn dug himself in deeper in his story.

Beside him, Jimin was staring at him, a smirk on her lips.

Jimin knew her brother as his own shadow. She could even say that she was his shadow, knowing all his secrets. To see her brother justify himself so much about a not-so-important topic intrigued her. Since an event that took place in Oahn's life 6 years ago, the latter had withdrawn into himself, keeping his fears, doubts, tears, shouting inside. Although there was no real change in their relationship, Jimin noticed that Oahn wasn't confiding as much as before. It saddened her to see that someone had broken her brother so much that he ended up hiding behind the veil of his darkness, taking them for his guardians.

"You seem to like him..." she pointed out.

"He's just my tutor," Oahn added with a nonchalant shoulder movement.

"That he told me you didn't need."

"Argh... can he not shut up?" Oahn mumbled.

Jimin put a reassuring hand on her brother's shoulder and said with a soft voice:

"You know, you don't have to stop liking someone. It's a very natural thing. Why thinking complicated when simplicity is sometimes the best solution? Don't look at the big future, only imagine tomorrow."

Oahn swallowed with difficulty his last spoon. He laid his eyes on the tall windows and looked out. A bird flew before his vision and he began to dream. To dream that he too could fly high and far in the sky. To dream that he too could go beyond the borders of the world. To dream that he too had the opportunity to feel the tantrum of the weather without being a burden. Feel the heat of the sun. Feel the different winds mingle in the feathers. Feel the cold of snowflakes. Feel the heaviness of raindrops. Like this bird, he too wanted to feel free. Free to spread his wings. Big or small.

"By the way, what are you doing here? Don't you have classes?" Oahn changed the subject of the conversation.

"I do."

"So what are you still doing here?"

"I'm skipping school."

"Do dad and mom know it?"

"They will eventually know it."

Oahn turned his eyes toward his sister and shook his head in despair.

"What?" Jimin said, outraged.

"It's not good to follow your big brother's example. I didn't rise you that way, young girl!"

"As long as I don't have your bad luck in love," Jimin made fun of her brother.

A cold silence fell on both people. The interior noises of the house froze and those outside became silent. Time had stopped.

Realizing her words, Jimin stopped moving and breathing, hating herself to have said such words.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to say it that way. Oahn, I..." she apologized by putting a hesitant hand on his shoulder.

Oahn smiled faintly, put his empty bowl on the table and said in a weak voice:

"It's okay."

"No, it isn't."

"It is, Jimin," he said more seriously, turning towards her. "Yes I had a painful breakup, but it was 6 years ago, maybe I should start recovering."

"But that day you didn't just lose your first love..."

Oahn's shoulders drooped and his smile faded. This whole story happened 6 years ago, but in his heart it was as if it had been written yesterday.

"But don't I have something going with someone?" Oahn put things into perspective with hope.

"So you really do like him? I didn't imagine things, did I?" Jimin said happily.

Oahn pouted and patted his sister's shoulder, saying:

"If you don't want to have bad luck in love, you have to be less naive."

His words said, Oahn got up, taking the bowl with him.

"Argh! Park Oahn! You are getting on my nerves!" His sister yelled from the living room.

Oahn laughed, but stopped quickly, feeling a twinge. Even though he was joking about such a serious subject, his organ in the middle of his rib cage didn't find this situation funny. In fact, it, like Oahn's spirit, just his whole being, liked Ashil. It was true that in the beginning he was only a subject of curiosity, but with time, this curiosity turned into fascination and then desire to know the person. Unfortunately, in front of these two people was building a wall that marked the final line of their relationship. So yes, they could sympathize, act like two people becoming little by little friends, but that was just a ploy they were trying to make real.

"No matter what happens, whether I like this boy or not, there are things that aren't made to stay together," Oahn said, returning to the living room.

"Why are you saying that?" Jimin asked him, perplexed.

"He's only my tutor."

"So?"

"We vowed not to meet again once I'll have returned the assignment."

"Why?" Jimin said, exasperated. "If you like to be with him. If you like him. If you..."

Jimin paused in the middle of her thought and looked at her brother, her brow furrowed in incomprehension. She didn't understand her brother anymore. He didn't act as before and he didn't realize the prison in which he was imprisoned.

"Just promise me that when this day comes, you will think twice about this end."

"Why do you care so much?"

"Because I know that you don't want to see this hand let go of yours."

Oahn gulped. Jimin could read in him like an open book, even now that he had locked himself between four impenetrable walls.

"I know that he hurt you. I know that he broke you. And not only your heart. But don't forget that you have the right to live. You have the right to rebuild yourself. Why would you have spent 6 years of your life rediscovering yourself if you always wait for his approval? It's been 6 years, Oahn. Start living again for yourself," Jimin said.

Oahn smiled faintly. He would love to do the things that his sister almost begged him to do. He would like to be able to put aside his past. He would love to be able to erase the memories, the scars that mark his heart and soul. He would like to delete the images, the dreams that cross his mind every day. He would like to be able to erase the name of the person who had tarnished his life. But there was too much damage for 6 years to be enough to fix them all. Still, Oahn felt his heart beat like the first time. He feels it again calling someone. He hears again its desire to run after this person. He feels again its contractions when this person faces him. He feels again his being ignite when he is with them. The tidal wave when he dives into their irises. He felt just like the first time. But was he ready to take the plunge? Was he ready to destroy this wall? Was he ready to love again?

"Do you know why we never forget our first love?" Oahn asked her. "Because one person has done us as much harm as good. Because our soul has been defiled for the very first time by love. Because we have become impure, fragile, naive. So, if you had a chance to find yourself again in front of the person who robbed you of your innocence, who took you a part of yourself, what would you say to them? I would have so many things to tell him. First, I would tell him I'm not mad at him or hate him for the things he did and didn't do. Because throughout our history, that he acted wrongly or that the fault was on me, I never blamed him and I never blamed myself for it. I would tell him that I still don't understand some of his words and actions and that today I'm still looking for their answers. I would tell him that after so many years, after growing up, he allowed me to live something magical. This magic might not always be white, but it was worth living it. I would tell him that thanks to him I found peace. That I have found the inner peace that so many people seek, whether by themselves or with the help of someone, or something. But most of all, I would tell him that all this time my feelings didn't represent anything. I would tell him that his barriers shouldn't scare him, but especially hurt him. I would tell him to open his heart no matter what his inner voices can shout at him. I would tell him to believe in the voice that screams in the depths of his being. I would tell him to look beyond the fog. I would tell him to take refuge in the light. I would tell him to grab the hand that happiness offers him. I would tell him to have hope. I would tell him not to hide anymore. I would tell him to love. Deeply, sincerely, unconditionally. But above all, staring at each other, I would whisper to him: «Thank you for the different emotions that you allowed me to feel. Thank you for allowing me to touch, even briefly, happiness. Thank you for letting your heart rest with another, even though your mind was imprisoning it in a fortress from which it could not escape»."

Jimin was speechless listening to her brother's words. They had had a number of serious conversations, but his monologue had just revealed how Oahn had felt deep inside himself for six years. For 6 years, he was divided between forgiveness and anger. Happiness and misfortune. The desire to heal and the chaos of destruction. For 6 years, he faced conflicting emotions. The positive ones attacking the negative ones, without ever giving him a break. Oahn was aware of the pain that this story had given to him, but he also knew it hadn't always been black. So even if 6 years was long, as for a mourning, for his heart and soul it only has been two weeks. Oahn was as grateful as sad to have lived such a story. If it had broken him, he knew he had been the only one to come out injured and covered with blood.

"Do you still love him?" Jimin asked him in a small voice.

"I will never stop loving him."

"But are you ready to love someone else?"

"His love is a thing of the past. And even if it builds my memories, my present and my future, that doesn't mean that I want to go back and embrace again the person who gave it to me."

Jimin looked at the outside and let herself fall backwards against the back of the sofa. She folded and brought her legs against her chest and added:

"So would it be the rebirth of Park Oahn?"

Oahn shrugged. He put his head on his sister's shoulder and squeezed her arm against him like it was a comfort blanket.

"Let me think about it twice."

Jimin smiled sincerely, understanding the enigmatic words of Oahn.

Maybe this will be in a few days, in a few weeks, even months, but Oahn was ready to break away from his past. He was ready to return to the light.

Jimin kissed his forehead and whispered:

"Someday you will find someone who will heal all your sorrows."

Even if in these words there was no identity, in Jimin's mind someone's first name appeared. Although she didn't know what bound these two people together, she hoped that this name would soothe her brother's heart. She didn't expect the big miracle. She just hoped he didn't let go of his hand. Because if her brother had lost faith in all love, she had seen in those eyes the innocence and purity of that feeling.