~"You Don't Know" -Katelyn Tarver

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“Hey, wait, Kyle. I think we’re moving too fast.”

“Elena. It’s okay, babe. I can’t wait. You know I really like you, right?”

“Uh. Yeah?” Elena stared wide-eyed and nervous at the blond man leaning over her. They were in his truck, somewhere in the middle of the nowhere, off to the side of the highway. He was driving her back from their group study session. Now, they were here.

“Come on, you know I do. I wouldn’t be here with you right now if I didn’t.” Kyle leaned down to kiss her neck, sucking on it, and Elena jumped. She was sure he’d just given her a hickey. How the heck was she supposed to hide that tomorrow? They had pharmacology together tomorrow.

“I don’t...know... I...” She put her hand on his chest to stop him for a minute, and he looked down at her in confusion.

“Come on, Ellie. It’ll be good for you, I promise.” He answered with a smile.

“I...I...” Do it, not do it. She was twenty years old and still a virgin. She hadn’t even had a real boyfriend since middle school when she’d date Todd Baxter for a week. She gasped when Kyle leaned back and pulled her shirt off, leaving her in her red bra. She tried to cross her arms over her chest, but he got her arms, kissing her neck again.

“Ellie, you’re so pretty. Wow. You were hiding these under all those clothes. Wow. Lucky me.” Shit. She could feel her heart pounding, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be in this position anymore. How had a movie suddenly turned to this? Was she ready? Did she want this? Oh god, she wasn’t so sure anymore. She must’ve shown some indication that she wanted this. Right?

“Kyle...?” He looked back into her eyes, blue eyes twinkling. He was handsome. He was older than her by three years, already twenty-three. Sure, he’d had lots of experience. She on the other hand...

“It’s okay, Ellie. It’ll be good, I promise.” He moved on to removing her bra, ignoring the fact that she tried to stop him with her hands even if she didn’t say it. She could see him fumble for his wallet and pull out a shiny square. She blanched. Oh my god, was she going to... “Lift up, Elle, let me take off your pants.” She swallowed hard.

“I don’t think I’m ready, Kyle. Please.” She finally reached up to cover her breasts, trying to sit up on the bench seat, only to find herself on her back again, Kyle leaning over her.

“It’s okay, Ellie. It’ll be fine, I’ll be gentle.” He said, urging her to stay still. She didn’t know what else to say anymore. Should she scream? There wasn’t anybody on this damn open road right now. If she pushed him off, would he get mad at her? Oh god. She flinched when he pulled off her pants and underwear in one go, leaving her bare, her legs trapped on her jeans as he leaned over her.

“Oh my god!” She winced when she felt him probing with his finger. Oh my god. This was not what she had intended! “Kyle, I don’t think I want this. I don’t think I'm ready. I’m sorry! Kyle!”

“What do you mean? You’ve been teasing me all day, all week. You’re just nervous. It’s going to be fine, I swear it.” He placed his weight on her, arms over hers, holding them over her head, while he continued to try and move below.

No, no, no, no. This was not okay.

But had she teased him? She probably had. Right?

“Ow.” She flinched and she felt sudden sharp pain as he entered her. She stopped moving. No, no, no, no, no. This was not okay. This was not okay. Not okay. The only thing she could feel afterwards was the heat of her tears rolling down her cheeks and his breathing down her neck. She thanked her lucky stars when it was over.

Afterwards, with a quick kiss over her forehead and a pat on her bottom, he dropped her off at her apartment, the one she shared with her roommate. She finally broke down into tears on the doorsteps, sliding into a ball on the steps of the apartment. That's how Ruby had found her when she opened the door, the seventeen-year old wide-eyed at finding her friend crying, disheveled, a distraught look on her face.

“Oh my god, Elena!”

..

“Oh!”

Elena woke up with a start, grasping at the sheets around her. Gasping for breath, heart pounding as if she had been running a mile, she looked around her room in confusion.

She was in her room. In her house. It was just a dream.

She scrambled out of bed, nearly tripping over her cat, Tobey, who hissed at her and jumped up onto the bed instead. She needed to get some sleep. My eye bags have eye bags, she thought as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She looked tired, probably older than her twenty-five years. She sure felt much older than twenty-five, that was for sure.

She washed her face quickly, washing away the tears that had apparently been falling while she dreamt. Damn it. Why now, out of all times, did she have that dream? It had been almost six years since that had happened, she couldn’t believe how she could still remember all that. Ugh.

After staring at herself in the mirror for a couple minutes, she headed back to bed. Tobey eyed her suspiciously, but otherwise didn’t move when she pulled the blankets to climb under them.

“Sorry, Tobey. It was a nightmare.” The cat yawned widely, flashing his sharp little teeth, then clambered over to cuddle by her head with a meow. “Yeah, I know. It shouldn’t be happening. I’m not quite sure why it’s happening. Anyways, work tomorrow, so let’s try to go back to sleep.”

Meow.

“Yup. I know, I know. I’ll try.”

It was about two hours before she finally fell back asleep.

..

“Hey, are you okay?”

Elena looked up from her clipboard and found Dr. Ross staring back at her.

He was wearing a mint green button-down shirt and a black tie today. She noticed it made his eyes pop out more than usual. Honestly, she thought, it wouldn’t matter what he was wearing, he would always look good in it. Even if he was dressed up as Dobby the Elf.

He eyed her curiously.

“Yeah. Why?” She stared back at him. She honestly didn’t feel like arguing. She had no fight in her today. If he started saying something stupid, she would start crying...

“You don’t look quite yourself today. There's something different about you...” He cocked his head to the side, as if he was trying to take her all in. She patted her head nervously. She wearing her hair in a bun because she was too tired to straighten it out this morning. Not straightening it out meant that she’d mostly resemble a poodle if she wore it down. She didn’t mention it. “Ah!”

“What?”

“You’ve been crying. Your eyes are puffy.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “Why?”

“What?”

“Why have you been crying?” She shrugged and began walking away from him. He caught up with her, walking alongside. “Want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“You’ll feel better if you talk about it. Promise.”

“No offense, but I don’t want to talk it out with you” She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, at the annoyed look on his face. “ Why do you ask?”

“Because I’m an awesome person and you like me? Because I’m a doctor and I'm a good listener?” She frowned. She wasn’t sure what he meant about the liking part but she wasn’t going to ask. She was dealing with enough already to be dealing with him today as well.

“The only truth about everything you just said is that you’re a doctor.” She shrugged again, trying to be as indifferent as possible. She didn’t want to be, but it flustered her that he was acting like he cared. “I’m fine. I just had trouble sleeping last night.”

“Same here.”

“Trouble sleeping?”

“Yup.” Hmm. He didn’t seem like it. He looked pretty fresh and energized this morning. That or his third cup of black coffee was working on him. “But seriously, are you okay? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry.”

“I’m not crying.” She muttered. Really? Boi.

“Okay. I’m just saying.”

“Okay then.”

“Okay?”

Dammit! “Look doctor, I'm fine. I don’t know why you care, so just stop—”

“Bennn!”

“Huh?” She stopped at the sound of his name, both turning to see who it was.

Elena jumped back as a flash of yellow went by her, and jumped at Dr. Ross. She stared in surprised as the yellow blob actually turned out to be a curvy blonde, in a red lace skirt, white top, and stilettos that could kill someone if she threw it at them. She threw her arms around the doctor’s neck as she planted a rather wet kiss on his mouth. He looked surprised for a moment, a little taken aback, letting her kiss him, before he gently pushed her away, holding her by her elbows. He was red in the face and not just from her red lipstick. “Sherry please. I’m at work right now. How in the hell did you get in here? I’m going to get fired.”

The blonde pouted her pretty mouth as she ran her hands down his chest. “I had to speak to someone here today. I thought I should say hello before heading out. Aren’t you glad to see me?”

“I’m working. This is work. Sherry, you’re going to get me fired," he repeated calmly even though there was a hint of something...not friendly in his voice.

“I thought you wanted to see me? You texted me last night after all!”

“Ah. Excuse me. I don’t think this is my conversation.” Elena said in a hurry as she walked around them to head down the hall.

“Elena, wait!” Ben said quickly, as he tried to pry Sherry off of him. She pouted at him, eyeing the redhead curiously as she stared back from the end of the hallway. He pulled her hands off him and walked over to the nurse.

Elena eyed him nervously. “Yes?”

“I’m sorry you had to see that. This is embarrassing.” He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. For some reason, he felt he needed to apologize to her. He just didn’t understand why.

“Dr. Ross, I’m not sure why you are apologizing to me. It’s not my business what you get around to or with whom.” She replied monotonously, trying to keep her face straight. Part of her wanted to slap the blonde into next year. Then again, that wasn’t her business, so that meant she kept her comments to herself.

“I don’t...Okay.” He mentally slapped himself on the face. She gave him one last look he couldn’t decipher before walking off.

He didn’t understand the heavy knot in his chest as he watched her leave, but for some reason felt like he had let her down. He was mixing in the professional and his personal life. He turned back to the blonde still waiting for him. She tried to give him a seductive smile which dropped quickly when she saw the look he had on his face.

“Um, sorry?”

“Sherry, you can’t just come in here and throw yourself on me like that. There are cameras everywhere and I don’t want to be pulled into the Chief’s office.” He was trying to stay calm, but honestly, he wasn’t sure what she had been thinking to just throw herself at him. In the middle of a hallway.

“I didn’t to do it to get you in trouble, Ben.”

“Dr. Ross.”

Sherry pursed her lips. He was going to use that card on her. “I… I apologize for inconveniencing you Dr. Ross, and for any possible trouble I may or may not have caused you.” He noticed the way she stood rigidly, holding her head high to look at him, even though she’d paled at his words. She made to walk around him, to leave and he reached out to hold her arm.

“I’m sorry, Sherry. Let’s just try to keep the personal apart from the professional.” She nodded at him and looked down at his hand. He let go of her and she walked off, head still held high. She didn’t look back once.

Well, he figured that she wouldn’t be coming over later that night. Damn.

He took a minute to relax before going to see his next patient.

..

Elena couldn’t figure out if it was the lack of sleep, the nightmare, or watching Dr. Ross sucking faces with the voluptuous blonde, but she had developed a major headache and felt so on edge.

She was glad that she was only working half day today and had about an hour to go before she could leave because she needed a nap. Or some dark coffee. Or a run. Yes. She’d hit the gym after work. Working out always made her feel better. Running until her clothes were soaked and her muscles burning, crying, as if they were on fire.

That’s how she’d dropped weight after nursing school. That and because she’d stopped eating well, but that was another story. She’d learned her lesson after she had ended up in the hospital for malnutrition, her body crashing all around. She’d dropped from her long-time weight of 170 pounds to around 100 and her mom couldn’t figure out what to do.

She didn’t want to go down that road ever again. Making her mother worry about her, being a burden for her who already had her brother, Elliot, to worry about… She’d gained weight, gone up to 120, 125, finally stopping at 140 pounds where she was now and had been for the last two years.

She sighed and made a face. She still couldn’t get the image of the doctor with that woman all over him. If she could describe her as an animal, it’d be an octopus because that’s how her arms looked all over his body. Ugh.

She felt so stupid for feeling bad. She knew that he was out of bounds. They were coworkers and they would never be anything else besides that. She felt angry that out of all the people for her to actually become physically aware of, it had to be him. The impossible. Before the incident, she’d had one boyfriend for a week. They were kids playing at love and it never went past anything more than hand holding. High school came around and her insecurities began to rise.

Teenagers could be so cruel. She’d heard it all. Gingers have no soul. Gingers are evil. Chucky. Red. Gingersnap. Anne of Green Gables. Pepper Ann.

She huffed, throwing her pen back into her desk drawer. She was the only one at the station right now, the other girls either rooming or off already. Fridays were not that busy and most doctors took the day off. Ruby was going to be gone for a week visiting Max in Texas. Who the heck was she supposed to hang out with? Bah.

She looked at her watch, relieved at seeing it was noon. Finally! Grabbing her bag and keys she dialed Dr. Ross’ office extension. He answered right away. “Ross.”

“I just wanted to let you know I’m leaving now.” She grabbed her glasses off her drawer before she forgot them.

“Early today?”

“Yes. I asked for the rest of the afternoon off since you’re leaving early as well. Also, not feeling that great either way.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“For?”

“Help you feel better?”

“Uh. No. I’m fine. I just need sleep.” Pause. “Anyways, you can leave any paperwork on my desk and I’ll get to it on Monday.”

“Alright.”

“Okay. Well, bye—”

“Wait! Wait. Elena?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry about earlier, I really am.”

She sighed. “Look, sir, it’s not my business. And actually, I’m not the one you should be apologizing to, but that woman. I don’t know what you said to her, but she was in tears when she left the office.” In tears and obviously angry at Elena because she gave her a glare that could’ve killed her if it could.

“Hmm.”

“Yeah. So… bye.” She was about to hang up when he called her name again. “Yes?”

“Uh, have a good weekend.”

She smiled despite herself. She knew he was only being nice. “Thank you, doctor.”

“Get some rest, okay?”

“Yes, Sir. Thank you. Bye.”