Elena ran into her house in a panic. Eyes immediately going to her couch where she would sometimes drop her sweaters and socks, she made sure that there wasn’t any random piece of clothing lying about. The dishes from the morning were still in the sink since she hadn’t gotten to them. Her mother had gone home already with Elena’s brother, Elliot.

She ran down the hall to the bathroom, trying to remember if she had left any bras in there… and sure enough, one of her rattier bras laid spread out on the counter. She shoved it into the dirty hamper and made sure everything else was presentable in there.

“Oh, hey, cute cat.” She heard Dr. Ross day from the front door.

“Shit, shit, shit!” she muttered to herself as she ran out towards the living room. Tobey was standing by the coffee table, hissing at the newcomers. “Tobey, be nice!” she exclaimed, hoping that the large cat wouldn’t attack the dog. He hadn’t been around that many animals and she wasn’t sure how she’d react to a dog. Tobey eyed the overgrown dog in a leash that the strange man held back. He hadn’t seen that human before, didn’t really care for it. As for the dog, it was large, drooly, and quite ridiculous in his opinion. It seemed overly excited as he tried to sniff the cat from his spot by the door. Tobey glared at Elena, huffed, and started walking back down the hallway with his tail in the air.

With a sigh of relief, Elena leaned against the sigh of the couch. “I am so sorry. I forgot about Tobey.”

Dr. Ross grinned at her. He was still holding Kevin in a leash. He knew the dog wouldn’t hurt the cat, but if the cat initiated a fight, he wasn’t so sure how the dog would react then. “It’s okay. Kevin wouldn’t have hurt him. He’s good with cats.”

“Yeah? Well, Tobey's kind of an asshole. It wasn’t him I was worried about,” she replied shaking her head. “Go ahead and take a seat. I’ll make you something to drink. Coffee? Tea?” Elena asked as she moved some books from the couch so he could sit down.

“Tea is fine. Whatever you have is good.” Kevin started whining. He stared at Elena with his big puppy eyes until she came over and started petting him.

“He has such big ears! What a good boy!" she told him as she petted his head. Kevin woofed excitedly, dropping to his back so she could pet his belly. “You’re such a big baby, aren’t you? Alright, alright, give me a second. I gotta go make the doctor’s tea.”

“Benjamin.”

“What?” she looked up from the dog to the man sitting before her. He smiled warmly back at her.

“Call me Benjamin. Ben. We’re not at work.” He explained and she flushed. It felt so odd, so weird to be calling him by his first name. She had never called him anything other than by title and last name.

“Uh. Okay…” She swallowed hard with a nod. She smiled at the dog again, “Be right back, buddy.” She hadn’t smiled at Ben.

…

Elena was pouring some boiling water into two cups when he heard Ben ask her something. She stretched over the counter to look at him, “What?”

“I asked if you draw.”

She frowned, for a moment trying to analyze what he was talking about. Then she remembered that she’d left her sketchbooks on the coffee table when she’d move them from the couch. Freaking out for a moment, she tried to remember if there was anything embarrassing in there that she wouldn’t want him to see.

“I do. Sort of.” She came out of the kitchen with the two cups in hand and placed them on the coffee table. “It’s mostly to help me clear my head.”

“That’s a good idea. Mind if I take a look?” he pointed at one of the books.

“Go for it.” She went back to the kitchen to look for some tea boxes. He had her most recent sketchbook open on his lap as he looked through it. Placing the tea boxes down, she took her spot on the floor. He looked so absorbed in  her drawings. “I didn’t know you were this talented.”

“I’m okay.” Elena replied with a shrug. She felt herself blushing and hated that she resembled a tomato when she was embarrassed. When she was younger, she had thought about going into arts, to dedicate herself to becoming a comic book or manga artist. Things hadn’t turned out the way she had hoped, and her father had encouraged that she go into the nursing field. She hadn’t realized that she had gone quiet until he spoke again.

“This is more than okay.” She looked up at him then, “You’re very talented. I’m into artsy stuff, but the most I can do is doodle stick figures.” He gave her one of his radiant smiles that had her heart tumbling over itself.

“I… Thanks.” She said finally, looking down at the steaming cup in her hands. She grinned despite herself.

“You know,” he started again and she glanced up. He pulled out a black tea bag out of the box and dropped it into his mug. “This is probably one of the few times, if not the only time, that I’ve seen you smile.”

She blinked at him before she dropped her gaze again.

“You don’t do it very often when I’m around. Why is that?”

Elena felt her stomach drop. It seemed like such a simple question, but little did he know that there was much more underneath the surface. It’s not that wanted to look grim all the time. She just…didn’t seem to be able to control her emotions well.

“Are you okay?” he asked gently and before she knew it, he had dropped to sit on the floor like she was. “Never mind, you don’t have to answer. Anyways, do you draw portraits as well?”

Elena bit her lip nervously. Hands clutching her cup, she told herself to breathe. Why the hell did she have to start panicking right now? She willed herself to breathe, count to ten, let it out slowly. He was looking through her sketchbook again, hadn’t notice her pale features, the panic in her face. He kept murmuring in awe as he flipped through the pages, sometimes stopping to admire a certain drawing more than another. When he finally looked up again, she was still pale faced.

“Elena…?”

“You’re always teasing me.” She blurted out; Heart pounding, she wondered if he would get mad at her. Did it matter? They really should be having a relationship further than as coworkers either way. “You don’t bother the other nurses like you do with me. It freaks me out a little that I don’t really know how to deal with it.” She could feel her heart racing. He hadn’t said anything, just stared at her a moment before closing the book on his lap.

“I hadn’t realized you felt that way,” he started as he glanced back up at her. It worried him that she looked like she was ready to run. Her eyes were wide, hands trembling. She kept biting her lip as if waiting for him to explode. “I hadn’t meant to offend you or hurt you. I meant what I said earlier about having no ulterior motives. I know it’s going to sound stupid, but it’s how I am?” He could’ve punched himself in the face for using that phrase. 

“Then why are we always arguing?”

He frowned. “I’m…not sure? I don’t mean to start arguments, they just seem to happen with you.”

“Sounds like a toxic working relationship.”

“If it’s making you feel bad, I can stop.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Elena. I should be the one to apologize. You’ve been very professional through all of my teasing.” Kevin, sensing that something was wrong, gave a soulful whine and went to curl up by Elena’s legs, laying his head on her thigh and stared at up her.

“I just... get so dramatic sometimes.” She gave a shaky laugh and ran a hand over her face. “I know that I can overreact. Like this morning. I’m sure it was an accident that you ran into me, but I overreacted. I don’t mean to act that way. I just can’t help it sometimes...”

Ben held his tongue. He didn’t know what to say. There definitely was something there. Elena seemed to be stressing about something that normal people would apologize about and move on. He could see that it really bothered her. He knew that something had to have happened to her to react this way, with the feeling of guilt overwhelming her.

He didn’t say anything. They hadn’t ever stopped to have a conversation and this was the first time that she had let him in. He didn’t want to mess it up by saying the wrong thing...

“Elena, breathe.” He said gently as he reached over and took the cup from her clenching hands. He placed it on the coffee table and then reached over to hold her hands in his. She stared at his face, her own pale face overwrought with panic as she felt herself start to hyperventilate. “Elena, deep breaths, love. Hold it, that’s it.” He led her gently, his voice soft as he continued to look into her eyes. “Let it out slowly... Good job.”After what seemed like forever, she was able to calm down. Her eyes filled with tears of embarrassment at having him see her panic helplessly.

She had never let her guard down around him. Ever. She always made sure that she carried a poker face, that she acted cool in front of him. And now...

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry... this is embarrassing!” She mumbled, trying to pull her hands out from his grasp.

“Elena...” he held on to her hands, not willing to let her go just yet. “Elena,” He said her name a little firmer and she stopped pulling to look at him. “Elena. It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize to me. It’s just me. You know me. Ben.”

She nodded slowly, taking a ragged breath, eyes teary. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Lately, it’s been happening more often.” He let her catch her bearings, sitting next to each other in silence for a while.

“So, this is something that’s happened to you in the past?”

“Yes.” Ever since Kyle destroyed my life.

“I…don’t want to sound nosy, and you don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to. I’m just trying to understand you,” he told her as he finally let her hands go. Sighing, she looked away from him.

“It’s a really long story.” And why was she telling him? Why were the words flowing out freely? Just this morning they were screaming at each other and now, here they were. “I…”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me now.” He said with a small smile. “I just want you to know that I’m here for you. You can talk to me, whether you want it to be as a friend or a medical provider.”

She nodded. “Thank you. It’s…” She paused when his phone started ringing, the sound intensified in the quiet of the room. He glanced down at the screen and cursed. He denied the call and turned the sound down. It started buzzing immediately again with an incoming call. “Maybe you should answer that. It could be important.”

“It’s Sherry. It’s okay.” He shrugged as he denied the call again and set his phone to silent. She was looking away, looking a little uncomfortable when he looked up from the phone.

“Maybe you should talk to her?"

“No.” How could he explain it without sounding crass? Sherry was like a sharp little thorn at his side, always calling him and texting him. He knew he should put a stop to it. He knew that she wanted more from him than just the casual hooking up which was what they had been up to the last couple months. Maybe it was his fault for not stopping it sooner? “It’s… complicated.”

“She seemed upset this morning.” And angry at me for some reason, Elena thought to herself. The blonde had rushed out the place but not without first sending her a shooting glare. “Maybe you definitely need to talk to her and clear things out?”

“I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a totally dick, but the complicated part is that she doesn’t understand that we’re nothing more than…friends with benefits?” He could feel his face heat up. Sure, he could have this conversation with Caleb, but he’d known Caleb practically his whole life. Now, having this conversation with another woman, and not just any woman, but his coworker, a person who knew him professionally, was weird.

“Are you, though? Friends, I mean.” Elena asked. It did sound harsh, hearing this point of view directly from a man. Sometimes, what might not be something big for them, might mean something else entirely different to the woman.

“I…” Hmm. Finally, he responded, “I don’t think so. We don’t really talk, per say…”

“I get it.” Ouch. This was awkward. She almost felt bad for the other woman, but also figured she should’ve known that he wasn’t interested in anything beyond the physical aspect of their current relationship. It stung, as a woman, to think he really was like any other guy, but hearing it from him directly, it helped her sort her feelings for him. Sure, the man was beautiful in appearance, but she didn’t have to concern herself in her physical attraction to him anymore since his words shut it down completely. She wasn’t interested in any physical relationship – or any relationship for that matter—at the moment. As if that would EVER happen, a little voice told her from the back of her mind.

They sat there for a moment trying to figure out what to say. Kevin looked from one to the other not quite understanding what was going on between the humans.

Ben sat there and stared at his mug for a while. The awkwardness was palpable between them. To be honest, he felt a little ashamed to be admitting that he was only using Sherry for physical release. He had known in the back of his mind, that Sherry had slowly been developing feelings beyond the physical for him. He felt like an asshole to think that all those times she would try to initiate a conversation, he’d simply nodded off or agreed without really paying attention. He had a little trouble connecting with people— he had his past mistakes and demons to thank for that— and as horrible as it sounded, he really was only in it for the sex.

Did Elena consider him to be that asshole as well now? He glanced over at her and she was staring at Kevin as she slowly scratched him between his ears, the dog content with the attention. He could never really tell what was going on inside that pretty head of hers and it completely flustered him.

“I should really be going.” He started and she glanced up at him. She didn’t say anything and he figured it was because she agreed. “I’ve overstayed my welcome,” he added as he stood up. Kevin jumped to his feet immediately, but didn’t move from Elena’s side. He whimpered and turned to her almost if asking her to tell Ben to stay.

“You can stay longer if you want to.” Elena pulled her knees closer to herself, throwing her arms around them. “I don’t mind. Really.” With a tiny, barely there, smile she added, “You’re actually not too bad, now that I think about it.”

He chuckled. “I…well. Okay.”

“Would you like some dinner?” She asked as she stood up. “I’m kind of limited since I put off grocery shopping, but I can whip something up quickly.”

“I really don’t want to be a both—”

“No, really. It’s okay.” Elena insisted. She patted Kevin on the head and made her way over to the kitchen and began pulling things out of the cupboard and out of the fridge.

Ben observed her momentarily as she moved about the kitchen. She worked quickly and efficiently like she did while on the floor at work. She knew what she was doing.

He didn’t know what he was doing with his life.