They need to have some kind of presence, something magical and elusive. They need to possess something that many simply do not have. You might be confused as to what that special "something" is and I should state that this is again, very subjective. To be more specific, this peculiar quality is individualistic. I wonder what was it about Aubery that made him so exquisite, at the peak of my aesthetic pleasure. He held certain conduct and flair in the way he presented himself to me and that in itself makes him an even more unique and priceless individual.
As you can guess, Aaron, I admired him. I would catch myself catching glimpses of him doing something completely trivial but his magnetism held my attention for longer than I'd like to admit. I felt my face burn at the mere sight of him! Oh, how perfect is he! I'm sorry, I'm far too caught up in my passion to notice your curiosity, please forgive me.
Now, this happened the day I was supposed to alight to the next town. He was kissing me tenderly all over again, just like the previous nights. I felt nothing but his warm lips on my own and all over my body. I would love to call that satisfactory enough but there was something a bit odd about him that night. He seemed distracted, as if miserable and melancholic like he didn't want to be there. He was having fun but I found it unsatisfactory to him. I asked him what the matter was and he gave me the strangest reply. Allow me to repeat our conversation to you, please pay attention.
"Doctor... Please let go of me..." He begged, his eyebrows forming a tight frown.
I reluctantly did so as he requested. "What is it, Aubery?" I replied impatiently.
He made eye contact with me and a pitiful smile flashed across his face. "I'm sorry for being rude but I want to talk to you about James (again)... I cannot seem to get over him no matter how many times he rejected me!" He sighed in exasperation.
I moved away, frowning and very annoyed at his sudden burst of emotions. He smiled apologetically, he had lost his special charm right at that moment and he had become ordinary. I cursed the child for making him feel that way.
"Doctor, can you help me do something?"
"Why, what is it, Aubery?"
"Can you... Do something to me? To... To..." He trailed off with such an abstracted expression. His lips parted just slightly like a dumb man's and he shielded his beautiful eyes away from me. His deep green eyes glimmered with regret and confusion as if he had no idea what he was saying either. I admired his decisiveness in all of his actions. Thus, I felt dread then. He gave his words a little thought before returning to our conversation decisively with a convicted smile.
"I want you to change me! To be more beautiful!"
A horrible chill ran up my spine when he said those words. Naturally, as a doctor, I studied his features up and down. From his sharp, masculine jawline, pretty green eyes full of passion to his perfectly proportioned body where his muscles were defined and bulging in all the right places, I found absolutely no flaws in either his face or physique. I knew patients who would kill to have his looks, his impeccable body and handsome face... What was there to change? I remembered being appaled at his request. How could I dare lay my knife against this specimen of a human being! He was perfect from head to toe! How could he insult me by asking for such a thing!
He chuckled nervously and took my hand in his. He smiled at me like a prince, his grin full of sincerity and hope. No words need to be said to know that he had placed his full trust in me at the moment. He explained that he wanted to be more delicate, more "pretty" to hopefully appeal to James and only James. Now, it was his affections that he wanted - not mine. I was seething with pure rage, let me tell you! He appeared to pay that no mind as he leaned closer towards me, his facial expression full of sincerity. I must've deluded myself into thinking that he was going to kiss me for I was shocked to hear him mutter softly to me.
"So, would you do it?" He whispered in my ear. He placed a warm kiss against my ear lobe and ran his fingers along my shoulder and stroked it affectionately. "Would you help me? I'll pay you handsomely. I desire nothing more than to have James in my bed. His beautiful lips pressed against mine and his soft skin... I want him. I don't want anyone else! So please, help me, I'm desperate and I can't stop thinking about the boy."
After that, he closed his eyes shut and pulled me closer. He groaned pleasurably as he breathed heavily. Sweet moans escaped his swollen lips as I felt something thick and sticky press up against my legs. It felt horrible trying to restrain myself from doing vulgar things to him. As white liquid covered his plump lips, he had never looked any more gorgeous under the moonlight in my arms. This submissive and sexual face of his was the last thing I wish to remember about him.
The very last time I saw him was on this very operation table, Aaron. He came by and paid me a grand sum of money for my services. The amount of money didn't matter. What mattered more was how he quietly followed my every order and placed himself on the table without a word. He would only look upwards in silence. His eyes were void of any self-respect and character, let alone charisma. The Aubery I admired was long gone. He was lost to time.
"Do what you think is best, Doctor. I only want one thing... That you know very well for a long time," he said. A single tear rolled down his chiselled cheekbones. He laughed forcibly as his eyebrows relaxed. "I want you to make me into what he would love best in a man. Please, make me perfect," he whispered genuinely as if he truly believed that I would help him like this.
All you need to know, dear Aaron is that, I couldn't do that. I could never go against what my heart desires. Aaron, please understand me. I refused to change Aubery so there was nothing more I could do but let him lie there, serene and perfect, just the way it was supposed to be. He closed his eyes when the first shot of anaesthesia was given. It was like that with every subsequent shot until I was certain that whatever remained of his perfected character was preserved..."
I had to take some time and wonder about the gravity of the situation he had just presented to me. I pressed my hand on the table and closed my eyes, giving Aubery the remaining respect I had for Doctor Dean. I shook my head, clenching my fists and stood up immediately. He grabbed onto my hand and forced me back down into my chair. This was the first time he did such a thing.
"How could you let a man die like that!" I demanded with pure rage in my voice. "He came to you! As a Doctor, you should've did what he wanted!"
He waved my anger away. "Now, now, you don't understand... He was miserable and he needed this. I can't improve what was already perfect-"
"Neither do you have no right to decide who gets to live or die!"
He cleared his throat and sighed heavily as I tried to recollect myself in vain. I knew that the thought of his actions deliberately done against his patient's wishes would make me descend into madness. He took pity on my rage and fed me another slice of my cold, half-eaten steak. He showed no desire for forgiveness though, he must've given up on that prospect. He continued calmly with a faint smile about what happened after the events with the late Aubery Carraway.
"If you have calmed down now, please allow me to continue. I'm sorry if my actions have offended you but I needed to do what I must or I will never forgive myself. James is ungrateful for the attention he had received when there were so many others who wanted it. Anyways, a few weeks later after I found my composure again, I have decided to team up with another man by the name of Friday Flint. Mr Flint supported my ideologies (I should say) and we started the UEC together after a few weeks of preparations.
We couldn't allow these unicorns to continue like this. We have all heard of the unsavoury story of what happened to the queen-"
"That's enough," I said decisively, standing up and cutting him off. "I refuse to hear another word from you. I'm getting annoyed."
A few moments later, he grabbed onto my wrists violently and with a hard push, he had me against the wall. His bright eyes pierced through my being, appealing for my patience for a few more moments. I took in a deep breath as I forced myself to look at him, holding my ground. "Let go," I demanded, rage bubbling in my stomach. "Because of what you did, Franklin had to grow up alone! You let his father go without remorse! No wonder you refuse to let Franklin know; your morals mean nothing against a life!"
"Nonsense, Aaron," said Doctor Dean before kissing my cheek, dismissing me. "I have done nothing wrong."
Furious, I kicked his leg in response, causing him to grunt and flinch. The moment he gave me some distance, I pushed him away forcibly and punched the side of his lip until it bled profusely. Admittedly, I was confused with a faint idea of what why James was no more. It became clearer to me when I thought about it more in my own mental space, albeit it was in the midst of a heated moment as I withdrew further and further into myself.
I was disgusted by him. Forgive me for my intensely emotional lapse in judgement but I needed to set something straight within myself. Bile rose in my throat and after a few tensed seconds, I ascended the stairs with large steps without another word.
He commanded me to return down, expecting me to listen to him fruitlessly persuade me for just a little longer. But I couldn't; that was enough for one night. His deep voice was like the devil himself trying to pull me back down to hell.
His absolute refusal to even admit that he was wrong deeply irritated me. His incorrect perspective not only extended towards my dear James Blake but to his beloved Aubery Carraway as well, I suspected. Aubrey must've known his true nature, I find. If that were the case, then I had to speculate that this tragedy happened because his desire for validation was just too great for a single child to fulfil. Thus, he had to go to someone, with a degenerate moral code and conduct to mindlessly worship him as if he was a god for his appearance for the sole purpose of easing his a fraction of his nasty desires.
I felt bad for him but that's where I personally draw the line.
I'm having a sentimental moment now but I had to write my thoughts of Aubery now before I forgot about them. He was a romantic fool like his son, Franklin Carraway. However, I believed now Franklin had genuine affections for James. Aubery, on the other hand, he was after something more wicked and cruel. Regardless, I found him to be an interesting character. I'm getting ahead of myself again, my apologies. I'll tell Franklin this story tomorrow morning, in the same manner as I have told you now.
I pray he doesn't wonder where I've been all night, that'll be inconvenient.
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