He said I was a monkey trapped in a sea of fish,

I laughed at that. 

He hit right on the mark, 

I am the year of the monkey,

but he didn't mean that.

I knew 

I knew

I knew, 

my thoughts just couldn't help it, 

my mind just couldn't stop rolling, 

it was on a spree,

not a shopping trip, 

but a blur of thoughts, 

it was hamming out words,

pictures,

I was enveloped with 'what ifs'

I was regretting, haven told him my secret,

since, when he saw the scars, 

his eyes popped out,

guess not all people understand. 

guess not everyone has thoughts crammed into their heads,

guess I am not a drama queen, 

just odd compared to the rest. 

Quirky. 

How come I've never realized that my mind's unusually picky,

asking millions of questions--I don't have life enough to learn it all,

maybe that's depressing, 

the cranes stacked, one above another, 

strung up like those packaged,

rippable, 

plastic-wrapped candies hanging off to the side of store aisles.

I wanted them to be spaced, to hang off of my ceiling,

I wanted to make a thousand, but my homework said no.

Days passed as my visits to the doctors became frequent and time-consuming, 

missed some school,

played catch-up,

waked the hell up.

ate.

school.

homework.

ate.

homework.

showered,

wrote,

slept.

repeat.

this is not me. 

I wonder when I realized something's wrong,

maybe a feeling? 

It could have been a thought,

but my absurd thoughts had slowly dissipated,

and along with it, 

my thinking process. 

I was a canvas with bleeding paint, 

maybe if I cut my medication it'd help,

maybe then, I'd have straight A's for once. 

Maybe I should stop taking it. 

Or I'm wrong,

Or I'll bother my doctors for no reason, 

or I'll become a pain.

but the hollow feeling can't help but stick with me, 

my head's stuck up in the clouds,

feels like peace but I know better,

I won't exchange me for someone I can't recognize,

I'll either walk into society as me or tear a wall down trying, 

this is not me. 

I cannot do this, 

being chipped away, 

I'm drowning again,

and this time, 

I'm drowning in a stranger's body.