Kiss Me

Part Nine

Henley

With Aya breathing down my neck, I couldn't think straight. Think straight, right. I'm not exactly thinking straight with a guy, but then again I didn't care. If you asked me weeks before about ever thinking of a guy in this kind of position, I would have laughed my ass off. Now, I'm anything but laughing. I'm serious. I want him, period and not just for sex, like he said days before. Yet this isn't just sex, its so much more than that and its definitely the same for him too, even if he won't admit it. I'm not stupid.

I just want Aya to depend on me, even just a little. I could do that, become that guy. The guy who gave him everything. I wanted to. I wanted to become dependable, a guy he could settle down with. If I ever had that chance. Well, if he ever let me have that chance.

"Aya," I breathe out as his soft warm lips touch my bare chest. "Wait, please."

"Why," he whispered. "What for?" How was I supposed to explain that his words a few days ago had left a hole in me so wide that I wasn’t sure anything could ever fill it? How was I supposed to explain to him, that I craved his touch in a way that had absolutely nothing to do with sex? That even though deep down I hadn’t believed what he’d said about not seeing me again, that the words still stung. How the hell did I explain things I couldn’t make sense of myself?

I sigh and gently pushed him away, but didn't let go of his arms. "I...want you and not just for this."

His head lowered, his body started to shake. Fuck, I thought. I'm always putting my foot in it. "I don't know what you want from me," he mumbled and lifted his head. His beautiful eyes slide up to mine, tears clearly visible, ready to burst like a dam. "I told you, I can't give you anymore than this."

"Why? What have you got to lose?" I felt a pang of pain as if the question felt like it was a bad thing.

"Everything," He said and held my hand, it was sticky and hot. Is he really that scared? "I'm not cut out for anymore than this," he pleads with wet eyes and flushed cheeks. "Don't ask it of me, please Henley, please."

"Okay okay," I said in a hushed voice and pulled him into my arms. "I'm sorry."

"Please, just...hold me," He asked softly. I held my breath for several beats before I turned my face into his neck, and nodded as I did. But it wasn’t until his now strong arms wrapped around me that I finally let out the breath I’d been holding in. "I'm so tired."

He was slowly burning up in my arms. To be honest I wasn't sure if it was the moment or he's getting sick, so I pulled him gently from his grip on me and studied his face for a moment. "Are you sick?" I asked. He nods, slowly. So I did the only thing I could think of and picked him up and walked him to my room. "Let's get you in bed."

"I don't need it…"

I cut in with my hand to his mouth. "Let me at least look after you tonight," I didn't want to hear the rejection, not again, so I gently put in my bed. "Please Aya."

"Fine." I stroked my fingers across his cheeks and wrapped them gently in his hair, I pulled him in and kissed his soft wet lips.

Pulling away I smile. Because it felt so right, even if he says it's wrong. "You need to eat something Aya."

"I'm not hungry."

"That may be so, but you also need medicine and you can't have that on an empty stomach." He frowns then relaxed. I looked at him, over and over again. "Let's get some food in you."

"Fine." I watched as he settled himself under my quilt and I left the room. I made it into my kitchen then my heart started hammering in my chest so hard I had to hold myself. God. I'm definitely falling hard. Which with most people isn't such a bad thing, yet Aya is adamant he wants nothing more and it hurts. I hated how much it hurt in such a small amount of time, but I had no way of stopping it either.

"Food, Henley," I whispered, trying to pull back at least some of my composure. "And you dick, stop going against me." I laugh a little, I'm stark raving mad. I've lost my damn mind. So I took in a long breath and decided on a takeaway. Food is food. Shit, I need to ask what he likes, maybe he's cold too.

I turned and grabbed the medicine from my kitchen drawer and a bottle of water from the fridge and made my way back to the room, not before grabbing an extra quilt from the linen cupboard. I opened the door to see him peaceful and settled. Maybe I should just leave him to sleep. I'm sure it will be okay to do that.

"Henley," I flinch, his sweet voice dragging me from my thoughts. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, I… I thought maybe you were cold. I was going to put it over you but didn’t want to disturb you. You looked so peaceful lying there. I almost left you alone altogether."

He smiled and held out a hand and gently pulled the quilt to spread it out over the bed. "Hmm, it’s small," He said, even though it really wasn’t. "We’ll have to share, I guess." He said with a mock frown, which had me smiling.

"Fine, scoot over," he did until we were both snuggled under the quilt.

Aya’s arm went around my waist and he tucked himself up against my side. "Nice," he groans.

"You wouldn’t be trying to put the moves on me, would you?"

"I wouldn’t dream of it," He responded. "Your virtue is safe with me, Henley." His laugh rumbled through his chest, soothing me.

"I got medicine here and a cold bottle of water."

"I don't need it, just lying here is enough."

"Aya, you can be you around me. You don't always need to be the Aya from the club."

I felt his body stiffen against mine. I guess I really do have a knack at making him feel uncomfortable. Yet he relaxed again. "I remember my mother telling me that if ever I'm feeling sad, a trip to the beach will always wash those bad feelings away, do you think that's true?"

"Are you hinting on a trip to the beach?"

"I guess so."

"Are you sad?"

"Maybe."

I moved down under the quilt so I was now facing him. He smiles, yet behind that smile he hides lies. Obvious lies, that's he's not only afraid, but lonely. Of course I'm no expert but I know sadness when I see it. "Why are you sad Aya?"

"I don't know, not anymore. I guess you could say I've become numb." I watched him as he watched me. Eyes full of more emotions than any one person should feel. Sadness...fear, all at once it hits him and all I can do is try and console him.

Pulling him closer I wrapped myself around him. I knew I couldn't ask anymore from him without him wanting to run again. So no more questions asked, just the warmth from a body. To feel that security and know that he feels safe. That if he does want to talk about anything, I'm still here and I will listen to him if he needs it. "Just try and sleep, we can eat soon." I said softly and ran my fingers over his back. When his breathing evened out and his arm relaxed around me a few minutes later, I smiled to myself as I realized he’d fallen asleep. So quickly too. "I wish I could make you mine." I whispered through the silence. It hurt, you know, wanting someone who was so unattainable in the sense of anything beyond sex. Maybe I am delusional, that I've fallen for a complete stranger. Can that even really happen? Falling for someone so quickly. As from my earlier thought provoking statement about falling hard. I never had that with Sara or any of my brief relationships before that, just Aya. Why? He's a lap dancer. Not that, that should be any reason not to love him, but I guess he's used to being unattached and living freely. Which makes wanting anything from him impossible. It's like living in a dream you physically can't wake yourself up from.

"Why are you not sleeping?"

I blink from my daydream. "I'm sorry, go back to sleep."

"Look at me, Henley." And his eyes fluttered open and met my gaze. He grinned unabashedly and wrapped his arms around me. "I was never asleep, just quiet is all." I heard a contented laugh come from him. "I also heard you…"

I stopped him, I felt stupid and crushed my mouth to his. His tongue didn't hesitate, meeting me and running itself over mine. I felt his hips grind against my groin. "Why, do I want you so bad?" He bit on his bottom lip, his eyes never leaving mine and this time he wasn't searching for any answers. “I want your mouth." And then I kissed him chastely on the side where his lips met in the corner. "I always want the way your eyes undress me the moment you see me." I dotted kisses along his jaw to his ear, feeling him harden even more, his hands firming their grip on my ass. I said into his ear, "I want the way your breath feels in my ear. I want you, Aya. I always want you."

His mouth moved around my face to find its mate and they devoured each other. Nothing in the moment was rushed. We had no place to go. "Then have what you want."

I gasped against his mouth and slowly stripped his clothes from his hot body and pulled my own away until we were both naked and wanting more from these precious moments. "I won't give up." I said with enough confidence that his body started shaking beneath me.

My God, I thought, as I pushed inside of him. Then my lips said, "My God." All complex thoughts were gone. He quaked and seized around me. I ground against him as he rode me from the bottom through his pleasure. Then a carnal male drive took over and consideration was simply a thing of ten minutes ago. My fist balled the sheets under the pillow he laid on, and my other hand held his hip as I set a punishing rhythm, losing any precious control I thought I had. His hands were everywhere, gripping my back and grasping my shoulders like he couldn't get a good enough hold on me.

"Henley," Hearing him say my name the way he does only made me fuck him harder. Hearing his ragged pants only set me on fire. "I want, to come." He pleaded. I wasn't going to make him beg for me anymore and grabbed his dick. He hissed and pushed his head further into the pillow, his fingers gripped my back. My pace quickened. Surely enough as my hand my did good work of his dick his arse gripped me hard and made my pleasure peak all the more. I couldn't hold back it burst from me, then him. I didn't want to stop but the sensation became all too raw and I had to.

Aya had fallen asleep merely minutes after we came, which ended only a few minutes prior after our third round. It was almost light outside. He lay on his belly in the crook of my arm with one of his stretched across my chest. I rubbed my hand up and down his side, his skin was velvet on my palms. Every so often he'd startle, but only waking enough to squeeze me, letting himself know I was still here. I thought and then he'd fall back into his slumber. I lay there watching him, with the whole world in my arms. Biting my tongue to keep from telling him how much he means to. It was all I had, but it never feels like enough. I thought about it and came to the conclusion that, that was what love was. Never having enough of something. Always wanting more. Being greedy with your heart. And my heart is greedy.