Kiss Me

Part Eighteen

Aya

"We should get out of here before you sprout gills and fins," he said.

"I know. You need to get going." I was trying to be glad he was going to work. I could only speculate about the many things he’d pushed aside to care for me. Also, I knew he wouldn’t leave if he was worried. I was getting better. I was healing on the outside enough that he trusted I’d be okay on my own for a while. I had to believe he was right, I had to constantly convince myself that I was alright.

"What are you going to do today?" He kissed my head as he stepped out of the bath.

"I don’t know. I thought about going to the store. Maybe do some cooking. What sounds good for dinner?" What sounds good for dinner? Was this real? As I took the towel he offered, I could see that the silly, mundane question excited him too. I never wanted to take these small things for granted.

"Kiss me." he requested with puckered lips. A tiny milestone and a turn in the most precious of directions. I was so damn lucky I’d get to have conversations like this with him for the rest of our lives. Well, if he ever asked me to marry him. Shit. Did the paperwork even matter?

I gave him a quick kiss in exchange for the towel he’d already finished using and bent to wrap it around my head. My side still ached, but it was improving. I stood up and watched as he prepared to shave in front of the mirror. "What can you make?"

"Please," I scoffed. "Name it. I can make it."

"I want ribs." He swathed the fluffy foam over his face, then wiped and methodically cleared a stripe from his lips with the back of his thumb. Even with a snow-white Barbasol beard he was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.

"Ribs are doable. Hey, if you want, ask Matt if he wants to come over." He nodded as he ran the razor down his cheek and along his outstretched neck, then tapped it clean in the warm water pooled in the sink.

He winked at me when he caught me staring at his reflection from behind him, and said, "You need to call Z. He called after you fell asleep on the couch last night."

"I will." I’d do whatever he said if he winked at me like that. That tiny gesture affirming everything was going to be alright. I love that man and his wink. I kissed his shoulder and left him to it.

After reminding me he was just a phone call away no less than ten times and kissing me goodbye a million and finally pulling away, I made a list of things I needed around the house and the items I’d need for dinner. Then it hits me, panic. My heart started thundering in my chest and my legs went weak. I tried for my phone, yet I knew I shouldn't call him, even though he asked it of me. I needed to be brave. I had to. For both of us, but mostly for me. I need to stop letting my anxiety get the better of me. I'm safe. I'm fine. I have Henley. "Please, stop…." I begged my heart.

I gripped the counter top and sucked in a lungful of air, making my ribs hurt. I almost buckled when my phone lit up and it was Z. Grabbing it I answered. "Aya?"

"Z ...where are you?"

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I'm just...feeling, strange."

"I'm on my way, you at home?"

"Yes….but, you don't need to come here."

"To late, I'm in my car. See you in ten." And he hung up. I slid down to the floor and buried my face in my hands. I needed to calm myself. I can't have Z or anyone seeing me so weak and pathetic.

After a short while I finally looked up. My heart had calmed, but the fizzing in my hands was still there. "Aya?" The door knocked and I struggled to my feet and answer to Z all red faced. "God, are you okay. Tell me your okay?"

I held out my arms. "I don't know." He hugged me gently and walked me back and shut the front door. We stayed like that, hugging. For a while. "I had a panic attack." I spoke up. "But I'm fine now."

"Aya, look at me." He said, inspecting me. "Why didn't you call Henley?"

"Because…" I started to sob. "He needs to work…" I couldn't hold back the tidal wave in my eyes. "And...and I need to be brave."

"Oh, sweetie. You are brave."

"I don't feel it."

"Come on, sit down. I'll make us some coffee."

"Thank you." He smiles and walked away. I turn so I could watch him. So I knew someone was there.

"You want it black?" He asked.

"No, one sugar and milk today."

"You got it." I sigh and opened my phone. A message already.

My lover: Are you okay beautiful. I miss you already. It's crazy right? Love you baby. Xxxx

So silly. I smiled and knew exactly what I needed to say, honesty is what he wants.

Me: Yeah, I miss you too. But honestly I had a panic. I got through it. Z is here too. So don't worry, okay. I love you too. Xxx

He must have been staring at his phone because his reply was almost instant.

My lover: Aya, if you panic call me. I worry so much. Even if you just need to talk, I'd do that for you. To reassure you. Should I come back? Xxxx

Me: No, don't come back. I'm going to get Z to take me to the store. I will be fine, don't worry. I promise. So work your sexy ass off and when you get home we'll shower together. Xxxx

"You look happy Aya," Z said passing me my coffee. "You look better too." I accepted his compliment and let it fuel my need to feel better.

"Take me to the store?" I asked. Well it was more of a demand.

He laughed. "Still so bossy. Yes your sweetness. I shall be your chaperone."

"Hang on." I mumble and looked at Henley's reply.

My lover: Shower? Damn you you sexy angel. I'm getting hard just thinking about it. Matts glaring at me, I'm kind of scared. Help me. Xxx

Me: Maybe me and Z will pop in and see you soon, so calm your beautiful self. I'll come save you. Xxx

I shut off my phone and cupped my coffee, then looked at Z who had this amused look on his face. "What?" He asked.

"Nothing. Hey, you want dinner?"

"Here?"

"Yes idiot. Here."

"Yeah, sure. That sounds great. I could use some real food."

"Cool. I think Matt is coming over too." Z took a deep breath and paused, he looked like he might pop.

"I see," he paused. "Maybe." He added and nervously laughed. The normally cool and easy-breezy Z suddenly looked uncomfortable.

"What’s wrong? You get along with Matt, don’t you?" That was the only thing I could think of that would make his demeanor change so quickly.

"Yeah, of course I do. Hey, let's get going." I wonder. I thought. What's with him? Matt's a great guy, they always seem to get on real well when in the same room. What's changed? I guess I should watch them. See what's really going down. Hmm, maybe Z on Matt. I gasped at my own though and Z shot me a look.

"Right," I said in an almost unholy squeak. "Let me get my coat and boots on." Oh god. What if it's really like that? Matt and Z...I could see it actually. They looked good standing next to each other, so I really hoped it was like that. Z needs a good guy in his life. He needed a distraction. Especially when I tell him I'm never going to go back to the The Vibe. Not because I'm afraid, but I have a good life now. I don't need it, not anymore.