February 7

3001

I wake up. My head is splitting. I feel groggy like I’ve been asleep for a long time. I don’t recognize my surroundings at all. I’m laying in a grungy bed in a small dimly lit grimy room. There is a chair next to the bed, and Soren is sitting in it watching me with a pale and anxious face. When he sees I’m awake he stands up, looking uncertain what to do. What happened last night?

Then I remember. It all comes back. Like a speeding train slamming into my heart. I let my eyes fall closed again and I lay still. A little while later I hear someone come in and I open one eye. It’s Abraham. He stands in the doorway and calls to me.

“Hey kid. You ok?” He says. I struggle to force my voice to make words.

“I’m fine.” I choke, dragging myself out of the bed, though it takes every effort I have. Abraham shrugs, he doesn’t seem bothered by anything.

“You know that strange friend of yours has been sitting here watching you the whole time,” he says, “where on earth did you find him? He hasn’t spoken a word to me, but he picked you up and carried you here.”

I look at Soren with surprise, trying to imagine the scrawny and mentally ill young man taking care of me. Still in the doorway, the casino owner clears his throat loudly. I look at him questioningly.

“Ahem.” Says the man pointedly, looking around the room. Oh, of course, he still expects me to pay rent for the room. I search my pockets and find nothing of value.

“I’m sorry sir, all I have is twenty dollar bill.” I say, holding a crumpled bill that looks like it was burned once. Using it as fire fuel is a better use than using it for currency, anyway. The man inspects the money, and shrugs again.

“I know money ain’t worth anything now, but I still believe it will one day, so I’ll take it.” The scar faced man accepts the bill and shows us out the door. From the looks of the other rooms, no one else has stayed here in a long time. I ask if he still sells food, but he shakes his head and says it was stolen from him.

So I walk back up to the roof with Soren, every step seeming like a chore under the weight of my heart. Before stepping onto the roof, I get out my bottle of sunscreen, and me and Soren put on a heavy layer over out exposed skin. You’d be a fool to go out in full daylight without it these days, the UV rays will kill you. We put on our air masks and scurry across the rooftop to the camper as quickly as possible, the sun is out today and it is fierce. The heat is unbearable.

I get into the cockpit and sit still, staring out the window. I am vaguely aware of Soren standing behind me. I don’t know what to do now. I want to be strong. I want to carry on through the city and find the rest of my group. But I don’t know if I can. I don’t want to face them, I don’t want to spend another day choking in the miserable city.

On a sudden impulse, without even buckling my seatbelt, I kick the camper into gear and blast off the rooftop, banking 180 degrees in a half barrel roll, and push the gas pedal to the floor. I focus my eyes on the horizon and fly straight.

It’s ok. It’s okay. I’m fine, just fine. I don’t need anything or anyone. I’m just fine and happy. Well I’m trying to tell myself I am.

I almost forgot about Soren. What do I do with him? I can’t keep caring for a suicidal circus freak. But I promised him I’d take care of him. And now I can’t.

I don’t know how long I’ve been flying. I haven’t stopped to rest or eat, and my dashboard is giving me warning lights. Having the AC unit on saps power really quickly. I hear a small noise behind me and finally turn my aching neck around, breaking my gaze from the foggy horizon. Soren is standing behind me, holding a rusty tin plate of food. He creeps forward and silently sets the plate down next to me, without meeting my eye, and then turns away.

I’ve never seen him do something like that. Maybe he’s right, I should eat. I scan the landscape and see an amazing sight ahead. A mountain. A huge glowing rock jutting up in front of us. Maybe it’s colder there. I fly closer and lower, and spot a little flat spot I can probably land on. I skillfully dive the camper down, and the landing gear clunks out. I smash the camper down a little harder than I meant, I’m exhausted and I haven’t ate or drank all day.

My head hurts and my vision seems blurry. I know I’m not taking care of myself but I don’t really care. I eat the food Soren brought tastelessly, bite after bite with no flavor

Soren silently returns a moment later, this time holding a plastic cup of filtered water. I take it gratefully and drink it all. Then, something truly remarkable happens. Soren shuffles over and puts his thin arms around me and hugs me. I can feel his heart beating fast through his chest. I almost can't believe he’s the same person. I don’t know why, but Soren’s unexpected show of affection is just too much emotion for me. I feel my eyes stinging and my throat gets so tight I can hardly breathe. I keep trying to tell myself I’m not going to cry, I’m strong. But I am so overwhelmed and lost and I guess I’m crying now, whether I like it or not.