PILLOWTALK - MEMORIES

“Edwin, what's it like remembering things that happened a long time ago?” she said softly.

“Eh? What're you thinking about?” Sometimes, he knew, just like his own mind often wouldn’t let him sleep, Nicolle would fret over something she’d thought of. And if he was awake, she would want to talk to him about it in the darkness. Somehow, it’s easier to speak without inhibitions in the darkness.

“Well, I've read about old things and people, and I remember what I've read, but I don't remember them. What's it like to really remember... being there a long time ago?”

“Oh... you don't have memories from growing up or anything. I forget that. Well... sometimes it's happy but mostly it's sad, Nicolle.”

“Why is it mostly sad? Is it like that for everyone or only because you were sad for so long?”

“I think it's like that for most people. Not because they don't have a lot of happy memories but even the happy ones become sort of sad to think about because... they're gone. Sometimes the places and people are gone, too, so those happy times can't ever be recreated. That makes it all... kinda melancholy... at least for me. Maybe other people feel it differently.”

She was quiet for a moment. Then, almost in a whisper, “I only remember Dimi and the people who sold me. And you. Sometimes I feel like my world is so tiny compared to real people.”

“Oh, Nicolle, I'm sorry. But, you know, sometimes it happens to humans that they lose memories, lots of memories. Sometimes all of them. But they're still human, they just have to make new memories. Maybe it can even be good for them, if they start making good memories. But, listen…” It was a little awkward, because she was pressed against him, to gently get turned to where he could face her in the dark. It felt important to him to do so because even though he could barely make her out, she could discern him easily. “You said something... you compared yourself poorly to ‘real people.’ You shouldn't do that.”

“Why? I'm a catgirl, not a human.”

This small statement hurt Edwin more than he’d have expected. It must have seemed obviously true to her but it also wasn’t true. How could he convince her of her worth? This little catgirl who had never shown anything but the best parts of human nature. “That’s a fact, yes, but here's another one... you're a real person. Believe it. You think and you feel and you care. Remember that awful time when we first tried to find your sisters?”

“I'd rather not.” He felt her body cringe.

“See? Sometimes it's bad to have to remember. But, Nicolle…if the Earth was empty and God told me to choose the people for Him to put into it, I'd rather have only you to show to Him than a million of those ‘real people.’”

“Truly? You’re not just saying that because you like me?” He felt her body begin to relax again.

“One reason I like you is that somehow, I don't know why, you have in you the best things about human beings. You're literally the nicest person I've ever met. And remember... I remember a lot of people."

“That's sweet, Edwin.”

“That's the word I wanted... you possess sweetness. That's something a lot of people want to be but fail to achieve. You could give people lessons on how to be good people. That’s a fact, too.”

“Thank you. You always know what to say.”

He smiled, turned over again and she quickly nestled against his back. But inside, looking out into their dark room, the smile disappeared and he thought, "No, I don't always know. I don't know how to tell you what I feel for you. Or even if I can ever tell you. I'm just a father figure or a teacher to you. How could I ever tell you and make it come out right?"

Nicolle sensed his sudden sadness. But she mistook it for a sad memory and she didn't know what to say. Later, she regretted that she'd let another chance to tell him her feelings slip away.

Next: Part 18 / 25, “Pillowtalk - Freedom”