IV

[Jeff paused for few minutes.

“What happened next?” asked the Publisher.

The Publisher is least interested in Jeff’s story. Instead, he wants to know the relation of Jeff’s story with the diary. Being a Publisher, he knows that, summaries cannot explain the whole stories. So, he is continuously listening to Jeff’s story, and is lighting up cigars one after another. The room is full of smoke, which is being produced by this little smoke emitter. Jeff looked around and again started with his story. ]

When, he returned from his meditation course. The concept of impermanence showed its results.

After coming from the meditation course, he had rented a room to pursue higher studies. So, he was staying in another city, away from his parents.

On a very beautiful night, with stars shining brightly, but their companion; moon was absent. Jeff started gazing at stars, with headphones in his ears. He was listening to the classical music. While listening to the music, he saw a shooting star. He instantly closed his eyes. With the night becoming more dark and the slow music changing to Jugalbandi(playful competition between two musicians playing different instruments on the same notes). Both the instruments were being played simultaneously, in competition with each other. Sitar and Tabla were performing their best, to show that none of them was less than the other. With the jugalbandi getting more intense, his head started moving with the notes of the instruments. He was completely lost, he dissolved himself in the ecstasy of music and was enjoying to the fullest.

After sometime, noticed his phone vibrating in his pocket. He ignored it, because he wanted to be undisturbed at that moment. Jeff was at the peak of happiness. Again the phone vibrated. He took it out of his pocket. It was his father on the phone, who told him to come back immediately. It took no time for him to understand that, the star which could not give life to itself, was not capable of giving life to someone else. His grand-father had died that night. He locked his room, took his wallet and moved out of the building. There was not even a single tear droplet in his eyes. May be, his earlier state, was of extreme joy and happiness. So, it took fifteen minutes for him to realise, what had actually happened.

After half an hour, he started blubbering. He hired a cab, kept on wiping tears and reached the bus stand. It is said: bad time does not come alone. It is always accompanied by a series of problems. Reaching at the bus stand, he came to know that, there was not even a single seat in any of the bus. He pleaded to the conductor of the bus, the conductor gave him a place to stand in the bus.

In the morning, he reached his hometown. He washed his face, so that even a single tear droplet, does not stay on his face. He came to know: being a male is quite easy than behaving as a male. He needed to be strong, so as to absorb the pain of others.

He accompanied his paternal uncle to the mortuary. The body without consciousness was in front of his eyes. He wanted to give his breath to his grand-father’s body. But some things are actually out of your control. For the first time, he came to know, the meaning of death. He gently touched his grand-father’s feet. They were cold, depicting the flame which used to give warmth, had been extinguished.

For the last time, grand-father came to his own home, but as a guest. After bathing grand-father, the body was taken to the cremation ground. Jeff’s father performed the rituals. A pot filled with water, was intentionally broken into pieces and water flowed, wherever it wanted to flow. The bond between the family and grand-father had come to an end. Jeff’s father being the eldest son, set the emotion free body on fire. Jeff saw the physical body being converted into an entity less smoke. Smoke was touching the zenith. His grand-father had returned to the same place, from where he came seventy years back. He looked at his grand-mother and a thought arose in his mind that, who would take care of her. Within seconds, he noticed the answer to his question being given in a sign language. His father gently held his grand-mother’s hand. It looked like, both the hands became a bridge through which, whole family would be passing. The whole family came back to his “grand-mother’s” home.

V

[Jeff, found the eyes of the Publisher, full of curiosity and eagerness. Publisher told him to pause and went outside the drawing room. Jeff is thinking that, when would he come to the end of the story. He know very well that, only two parts of the story are left. He started thinking about the surprise which, the Publisher is going to give him in the end.

The Publisher is back. He asked Jeff, to resume the remaining part of the dream. Jeff asked for a cigar. Publisher gave him the whole silver box. The box has the picture of a woman, drawn with golden colour on its top. He opened the box, found dark brown coloured cigars. Closed the box and handed it over to the publisher.

“You don’t want to smoke?” Publisher asked

“No, I don’t smoke.” Jeff replied

“Where were we?” asked Jeff

Publisher reminded him about the last scene. He proceeded again with the story.]

Days passed, followed by months. Jeff had realised that, he was also impermanent like his grand-father. Most of the time, he used to lock himself in his room. He was shattered. Everything in his life came to its earlier position. But there was one thing which, never came out of that tunnel. It was expectation. May be the pain in his heart, could not find a way to come out. In turn, that pain got embedded in the expectation part of his heart. For him expectation was pain and pain was expectation.

Jeff wanted to understand himself better. So, he told his parents, he wanted to spend more time in the monastery. In reality, he knew, he was not going to return back in the fake life of expectance. His parents accepted everything, which could have given their son, a ray of hope. So, he went again to the monastery.

As he reached at the gate of the monastery. There was the same staircase waiting for him. He stepped on the first step of the staircase and stopped there. Looked upwards, imagined himself in the ascetic attire. Towards his back was the world of attachment. Within a single minute, his mind played his past memories. Rest was the work done by his feet. He had reached on the last step of the staircase. After reaching there, he saw the same angel.

Age and experiences of the monk, were itself a proof, to know the reason of Jeff’s arrival. Monk told Jeff to accompany him, after settling his luggage. Jeff kept the luggage in the dormitory, came out and found the monk still waiting for him.

“I told you, you’ll certainly come back.” said the monk.

He nodded his head, as if, he had accepted the words of the monk.

“Your decision is entirely based upon your past.” Monk said

“My decision is not based upon any past.” Jeff replied

The monk explained him,

“Pure and clean heart is always good, to be made free from the attachments. Broken heart is regarded purer than the unbroken one. It is because broken heart always speaks truth. But at the same time, in frustration, it tells the mind to go into extremes. Once this broken heart gets healed, it’ll certainly go back into its past life again.”

Jeff’s was not able to understand the monk’s words. He thought: what was the relation between broken heart and his heart. In reality Jeff was aware about his heart, which had actually been broken. He was just pretending, that he was alright. The monk took him to his hut.

Now, they were sitting inside the monk’s hut. The wall of the hut was covered with different pictures. Some were related to vegetation, while the others were related to birds and animals. There was a picture of a monk hung in between all the pictures.

The old wise monk gave him an example to make Jeff understand well. He started with his example:

Once there was a very successful gentleman. He was very happy with his fully satisfied life. Time passed, his happiness started to convert into sadness. He lost everything, whether it was his family or financial stability. Now, this frustrated man went into extremes. The extreme path which he chose, was to get ordained. For that purpose, he went to a monastery. There, in the monastery, he met with an old monk, who told him to rethink about his decision. But, the gentleman stood firm on his decision and chose the ascetic life.

With the passage of time, his broken heart got healed. When he regained himself, there was an urge inside him, to return back into his earlier life. At the same time, he had already inculcated the ascetic way of living. He was not able to choose one, between both of them. He was actually trapped in the state of limbo.

His teacher (old monk) helped him, in getting out of his materialistic needs. But the traces of material remained inside him. Now also, he is fighting with his materialistic needs.

It was dark outside. Jeff and the old wise monk were sitting inside the hut. All of a sudden, Jeff realised that, the example of the monk was incomplete.

“Is fighting with the materialistic needs?” asked Jeff

“You might be tired. Have your food and sleep well.” said the monk

Jeff started moving out of the hut. As he was about to leave the hut, monk completed the example.

“This is my teacher and I am the gentleman in the example.” Monk said, while looking at the picture of another monk, hung on the wall.

After having his dinner, Jeff went to sleep. While lying on bed, he was thinking about the monk. He realised that, he would not be setting another example.