All of the oxygen on planet Earth must have escaped into the atmosphere because Nate couldn’t breathe at all. A weird, numbing feeling-the one you get when you haven’t consumed enough water-flooded his body. Making him almost as weightless as a balloon, floating up into orbit. At least, perhaps, that would have been better than to stare into the wide, shocked eyes of his mother. How long had it been since the last sound entered his eardrums? Silence deafened their environment. He wanted to say something to break that awkward invisible pane between them, but no words would surface.

Suddenly, like air escaping a balloon, Olivia let out the longest sigh he had ever witnessed in his life. “Oh,” She finally said.

Oh? Was that it? He was dying of anticipation to know what she thought about him being gay and all she had for him was Oh? Could his heart beat inside his chest with any more force! “S-so… um…”

She turned away from him. “I thought you liked girls.”

Nate wanted to shrug - to act cool in the face of all this. Instead, he looked more like a deer in headlights. “I thought I did, too.” He admitted. “Until about ninth grade.”

“What happened in ninth grade?” Her eyes finally met him again.

The story was a long one. It was the moment he realized men were just far more interesting. His upperclassman, a sophomore who was in charge of his group during orientation, was particularly nice to him. Memories of that time came flooding back to him almost immediately. Scenes played in his head that he’d honestly thought he’d forgotten a long time ago. First love? Maybe… He wasn’t very romantic and had even considered himself possibly aromantic - he’d read it somewhere on an LGBTQ chat forum once. But with Micheal Brokowski, he weighed the possibility that he might have at least one romantic bone in his body.

That boy was tall. About a foot taller than him. Nate thought he looked more like a high school senior. But, and according to everyone else, he wasn’t held back a year. His brown hair was short and styled, matching the same shade as his chocolate eyes. European seemed to be his dominating ancestry, but there was something else mixed in. His skin was naturally tanned, but it was on the lighter side. This look sent Nate into an absolute identity crisis.

Perhaps the single best part of him was his voice. Not too deep, but showcasing masculinity. A sort of suave cadence that made Nate swoon like a love-sick teenager. It probably would have just been a weird, distant, one-sided romance had Micheal not completely ruined that.

“What are you working on?” He asked one day during study hall. “Oh, math, I remember this unit.”

It was a quadratic equation. Something that Nate had a decent handle on and definitely didn’t need anything to be re-explained. Back in those days, about two and a half years ago, he actually paid attention in class.

However.

Nate’s eyes rested on Micheal’s arms. Maybe he worked out because the boy was ripped. Or, at least, wielding more muscle than Nate’s sad excuse for spaghetti appendages. It was a good look. One that Nate both admired - the real reason he thought he was staring at muscled men a bit too much - and found pretty hot. “Y-you want to help me study?” Nate asked, hoping.

With a sly grin, Micheal slid in beside Nate and took the pencil from him. “What you want to do is-” The rest of the words coming out of his mouth held absolutely no meaning. Other than the fact that Nate just wanted to listen to this boy formulating sound all day long. It could be absolute gibberish. He honestly didn’t care. So long as he could listen to Micheal speak, watch his toned body from up close and personal, and have the boy's full, undivided, attention. “You got all that?” He asked.

“Huh?”

“What did I just say?” Micheal laughed at Nate’s reaction. The flushed face, anxious expression. He leaned in to whisper. “What’s wrong?”

“Not a damn thing!” His voice cracked. Crap.

Laughing, Micheal put out a suggestion. “Do you like me? Meet me after school.”

Nate took him up on that offer.

Olivia sank in her seat. “Wait. You went to this boy's house?”

“I told you about it. I sent you a text and you said it was fine.”

“Yeah, but-” She stammered. “I didn’t think you were going to- I wasn’t thinking that- when I said you could- honestly, I thought he was a friend-”

“He was just a friend.”

Olivia shifted around in her seat, mildly uncomfortable, but kept an open mind. “So… what did you two do?”

“Uhhh…” That was not a conversation you want to have with your mother - he thought. “We did some… stuff.”

“Oh good lord.” Her hands gripped tightly around her knees and she leaned stiffly over herself. It looked like she was about to blow chunks all over the nicely decorated garden. “Don’t tell me… you two didn’t…”

Nate shifted, suddenly feeling a little too self-conscious. “We didn’t have sex.” He mumbled the following, “We just... messed around.”

“You…” She stopped herself. “No. Don’t tell me. I honestly don’t want to know.”

Nate felt a bit numb. While understandable, the reaction left him feeling a little unsure about himself. “Do you… you know… hate me?”

“What?” Her eyes met back with his. “No. Baby, no. I would never hate you. It just… caught me a bit off guard. I always thought you were straight. It never occurred to me that you...liked boys." She nearly gagged as she spoke those words out loud. "You always talked about girls.”

“Well…” Nate shifted again. “I had an image to keep.”

Awkward fell upon them again.

“Then… you’re gay?” Olivia gasped. Admittedly, her mind was running around in circles trying to figure out exactly when and why all this happened. More specifically, how she hadn't even notice. Of course, she realized, his sexual awakening occurred around the same time his father passed and she took up drinking as a coping mechanism. A sickening feeling dropped in the pit of her stomach. Maybe… Was it her fault? All of that stress could have directed him down the path of homosexuality.

With a slight laugh to dull his nerves, Nate replied, “Yeah.”

“Who are you dating then?” Olivia asked. She forced a smile on her lips. An uncomfortable feeling, to be sure, but for the moment she would take a chance to observe. Teenagers were always out self-discovering and experimenting with that sort of thing. Eventually, he would come to find a beautiful young lady, the love of his life, get married, and have wonderful children who she could spoil like the grandmother she always wanted to be. Until that time arrived, she decided to humor him a little. Liking boys was just a phase of his. A sinful cope. It was like her and drinking. Yeah.

To Nate, however, it appeared as though she was completely accepting of him. Although her reactions still made him a little unsure, he decided to answer her truthfully. “His name is Simon.”

“Oh. A school friend?” She frowned, noticing the way Nate’s eyes lit up when he spoke the name. The way his eyes dilated and, however it was possible, became a shade lighter.

He nodded. “Really, we met in al-” He stopped. Their promise to each other was to keep themselves completely anonymous. The chances of his mother telling Carter about Alice were slim, but still a real possibility. Although the more he learned about the way Alice treated Simon, the more he wanted to tell someone. “Algebra. We have algebra together. But he also lives on the island. Actually, we’re working at the bait shop together.”

Olivia let out a laugh. “My brother has you working at his worm store?”

“Bait shop.” He couldn’t believe he was correcting her. He also couldn’t believe Carter didn’t even mention the cruel fate of the Mustang. “Yeah…”

“Then the two of you are… dating?”

He wasn’t entirely sure, but still answered, “yup.” And waited for her response.

In her gut, she knew this was wrong. But, she couldn’t really say anything. He looked so happy. “Okay,” Was her best reply.

Written by Norrisk