Everything hurts. It has to only be one am. Or two. maybe three or four. When I woke up, it was 12:30. I don't know how long it's been since then. I hope my brothers gone. If he saw me like this, I don't think I could look at him again. Mal is hurting me. Not like usual. He keeps calling me bad names. Words that I don't feel comfortable saying. I'm going to be so sore tomorrow. That's alright. As long as no one finds out. I'll be okay. I always am. Just a little longer, and you can stop. As soon as my brother has a spouse, I can leave. I won't come back. Not until they have a kid. Unless he marries a man, then I would wait till they adopt. Unless his husband can have children. I wonder if my brother is gay? What if Abel's gay? I don't want to think about him. I would feel disgusting. I feel disgusting. But I really like him.  Even if he was gay, if he knew about this, he would hate me. He probably hates gays. Probably hates fags. Like me. 

I shouldn't be thinking like this! Not right now! There's nothing to pull me through if I think like this right now! Happy thoughts. Like that puppy that you met in the alleyway. He was so cute. I think he was a border collie. I want to keep him. But, he needs a name. How about Zakey? Lakie jakey, but with a Z? Like my name? I like that for him. He's a Zakey, definitely. It's settled, now he's my dog. I'll have to feed him. He reminds me of Abel. 

"Focus, you faggot," Mal's hand encases my throat, squeezing along with his thrusts. I don't want to focus on this. I don't like him.

"I don't want to focus on your ugly fat body. You're disgusting," I'm panting, his hand still around my throat. I regret opening my mouth, because as soon as the words process through his molecule-sized brain, he rams into me harder, making me hurt even more. For as often as he does this, I should be used to this. It happened at the last four foster homes. But it still hurts. I don't want to hurt anymore. 

"Mouthy brat! If it weren't for the dam**d government, you would be doing this with me all day!"He was right next to my ear, whispering in an evil voice. I wonder if this happens back home? In Hawaii? Is there a good punishment? Or do they get off easy? I want to go back home. If I hadn't killed them, I would be back there with them. I'm so stupid. And worthless. I took them away from my brothers. I took his life, too. How pathetic. I have the audacity to feel sorry for myself. I'm such a-a... Whatever. I'm just terrible. Too stupid to think of another word to describe what a jerk I am. 

"You better have slept good, because we aren't stopping till seven-thirty!" Great, so this is gonna go on forever, and I'm going to be late for school/ What a wonderful life! I should end it. That would be easier. After he has a kid, though. I can't leave him alone. He needs me. And Demi. But Demi has his own family. I don't matter to him. he wouldn't care if I left. His life would be easier. Ahh... I'm tired. I don't think I can fall asleep like this, though.

"You gonna talk back again?" He growls at me, still clutching my face, pounding relentlessly into me, not giving me a break. 

"I would if you wouldn't open your mouth after I do. Your breath stinks," He lets out another growl, going harder.

"You're hard," He has a smirk, knowing that I want to hate this. I do, I really do, but it's hard when someones constantly hitting your prostate, over and over. Actually, even then, I still hate this. He sucks. 

"Nah, you're just so brain dead, straight looks round and round looks triangular," My comeback would have been better if hadn't been going so hard. My hips hurt. 

"Fine, then make yourself feel good," I don't like him. He's really stupid. "It's only fun when you're begging for me~" He gets close to my ear again, biting it gently. I really don't like him.

"How do you expect me to do that? You make me uncomfortable, so maybe I could if you were to back up a few feet," He lets out another growl, hopefully figuring out that I meant he should leave. If not, he really is a dolt. and extremely daft. Like, more than usual. 

Suddenly, he's lying on his sitting down, me in his lap, his hands on my hips. 

"Ride me." I have no clue what 'ride me' means. He sounds so stupid. He's not a horse. I must look confused, because he frowns, staring to explain to me. 

"Bounce up and down on me." Ew. No way. Not in a bajillion years.

"I'll tell your brother if you don't," I feel my heart stop and my stomach twist. I don't want to do this. But he can't find out. I won't let it happen. 

I grind my teeth together. I have to do this. I feel tears run down my cheeks, as I lif myself slightly, dropping back down without an effort. 

"Good boy," His hands move to my hips again, gripping them tightly.

I should be used to this anyway.