Sup, dude

Or dudette

Whatever floats your boat

(lol I can already hear Alex telling me not to gender a diary, and I hate that he’s right about that, but whatever let’s move on)

Soooooo… I’m trying not to freak out, but if I’m being honest, I’m totally freaking out, and you can probably tell right now because I’m writing to you, and if something’s enough to make me pick up a pen and a pencil when I’m supposed to be on holiday, it’s probably what most would call a crisis… I don’t know.

I guess I should probably explain or else when I read back on this once I’m old, and crippled, and dying and farting next to Alex in a home for old men, I might not remember what this was about. So listen up me of the future! I don’t know what possessed you and made you think it would be a good idea to buy women’s underwear (the lacey kind with pinks hearts) and wait in the NUDE wearing said underwear on Alex’s bed to surprise him once he returns, but I guess this is happening.

I mean, it’s not like he asked me to do it, but we were making fun of weird porn videos two days ago while eating popcorn on my laptop, and there was this one dude in a video who was wearing lingerie and I could tell Alex was trying to hide it but he was blushing really bad, so I dunno, I figured I could do this for him.

Well

For me too

Because I guess I’m also into that

… but like

Yeah

I don’t know if it’s too soon

maybe it’s too soon

maybe I should stop taking up so much space on these lines but I don’t know how to formulate these phrases or if I want to go into it more because this is just the tip of the iceberg lol

Okay

okay

OKAY

I hear keys jingling

I’m gonna go surprise him

And man I hope he doesn’t kick me out

Ok, fuck, I hear footsteps, they’re getting closer, and I’m kind of regretting this now because we probably should have talked about this beforehand even if we’ve talked about it a lot online and he’s probably going to be mad and I don’t

***

Dear friend,

I touched David’s penis.

It’s been a strange day, as you can probably imagine.

It started off as it tends to. David slept in—or, apparently, pretended to in this case—whilst I went out to run some errands.

I took a little more time than usual because I had to stop by my workplace for an annual meeting regarding designs. Even if I did take some time off, since I was still in town, I decided it wouldn’t hurt to attend.

When I returned to my apartment, I went into the bathroom to wash my hands because I am not a dirty slob. Then, I entered my bedroom. This, is when it starts to get weird, for instead of being faced with David’s sleeping back beneath the sheets, I was met with the semi-transparent lingerie version of a G-string, that stared right back at me from atop my boyfriend’s genitals.

I did not know how to react—if I should react at all—or if I should leave and pretend I did not see a thing.

Something possessed me to speak though. “What are you doing?” those are the exact words I said, and I remember them because the look on David’s face that came after was priceless.

He seemed traumatized. And he shrunk in on himself, and then… it occurred to me that he probably did not know how to react to this either.

I took a few more steps forward, into the room, until my knee was rested against the mattress and between David’s thighs. With a single finger, I traced an invisible line from his lips down to his groin. As I stopped, my gaze met his, and I said it again, “What are you doing?”

His breaths hitched. My heart skipped a beat. I wanted to do everything, yet, I could do nothing. I wasn’t sure about what he wanted, or how I should go about it.

“I’m…” David gulped. I observed him with fascination I’d never felt before. It was as scary as it was exhilarating; I did not want to stop. “I’m being a good dog for you, Master.” he said—and that, is when I lost it. That, is when I pushed him down and kissed him. That, is when the mattress shifted beneath the weight of our figures and creaked, ever so slightly.

“David,” I whispered as I gave one firm tug at the thin piece of pink lace that hugged the side of his hip. “Can I take this off?”

David whimpered. I could see him getting hard. “Yes,” he said. “Yes, Master, please.”

I wanted to stay serious in the roles we were playing, yet, I could not help the smile that tugged at the edges of my lips as I undressed him and curled my fingers around his length.

Beneath me, David whined, and gasped. His heartbeat thrummed in my hand as I stroked him in a rhythm that made his chest heave, and his eyes widen, as they filled with tears.

It wasn’t like in the movies. It was primal, like I wanted to love him and destroy him all the same.

I kissed him again, without restraint and with tongue this time. In a few seconds, it was over. My hand was covered in his fluids, and the air was filled with his apologies. Part of me had yet to be satiated. I imagined presenting him with my fingers and telling him to lick it all off, but I could tell the mood had shifted, and I did not want to destroy the memory of what we had just done.

I excused myself. I rose from the bed and went to wash my hands, alone, in the bathroom—just like I had when I’d first walked in.

When I returned, David told me he loved me. I don’t know why, yet I couldn’t bring myself to kiss him. I felt like I might have started crying if I did.

I settled for a hug instead, then two, until we fell asleep, bathed in a curtain of sunlight, that entered the space through the glass of my room’s window.

Even if it was not how I imagined it would happen, I don’t regret it.

I’m going to go back to bed.

Good night, friend.

Yours,

Alexander.