Ahhhhhhhhhhh

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

god

I need to collect my thoughts and write properly—at least, enough to understand myself if I reread this, but like, man…..!!!!! I need to document this!! Like, for real. So to hell with sounding corny, because holy crap it‘s going to be a good day!!!

Where do I even begin…

Alex.

Woke. Me. Up.

With. Flowers.

FLOWERS.

And this isn’t really that important to me, but I’d still like to note that they were the expensive kind.

Yeah…

So at that moment I was like, all right, that’s a nice surprise and my face is really warm right now, I can call this a good day. But then he said something like, “I’ll be right back,” and I heard rustling noises in the kitchen.

Boy, let me tell you, when Alex came back, I was not disappointed.

Picture this: hot chocolate, with whipped cream and chocolate syrup on top of that whipped cream, and sprinkles on top of that chocolate syrup which was on top of that whipped cream.

That made more sense in my head than written out, but whatever: he made me breakfast!!!

And I think I made a weird face because he instantly asked me if I didn’t like hot chocolate or something even though we had a zillion conversations about it online.

SO

ANYWAY

I drank the whole thing. And I don’t know if it’s just because Alex is good at everything he does or if it’s the sentimental value, but that was the best hot chocolate I ever had in my life.

Then, he treated me to some pancakes, and thennnn: I had an amazing food coma.

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL MY DIARY FRIEND PERSON THING… sorry is that offensive? (sorry) Alex said he had plans for a date later today and…. he left and said he’d be back in an hour. And now, here I am, just waiting on his bed like: You can’t do this to me, Alex??????

AHHHHHHHH

Plus, I even asked him if I needed to get dressed and he just kissed me and said I was perfect the way I am and like okay, I dunno man, maybe I’m just realizing it now, but dating a guy is so different than being with a girl????

Like, I know those are stereotypes, but I’m just not used to being taken care of like this because I was always expected to go out of my way to be ‘the man’ and it’s kind of nice to not have to do that all day every day with Alex and yeah I dunno I guess I’m realizing more stuff as we spend more time together, which kinda makes me question whether I’m actually 100% gay and not bi, or if I just don’t fit into stereotypical gender roles as much as I thought I did… but yeah. Long story short, I’m glad I met Alex, and I’m glad I’m going through this with him next to me because I probably would’ve freaked out alone lol (yeah diary I wrote lol again deal with it).

Okay, I’m going to go take a shower though. I know he said I’m perfect, but I smell really bad and that’s disturbing because I shouldn’t be able to smell myself with so many flowers in this room. (Yeah, there are that many, no joke, he really went all out.)

K

bye.