Loneliness

That feeling that nags at you

That leaves your stomach feeling heavy

Something weighing heavily on your chest.

That feeling that makes you nervous

The feeling of nausea crawling up your throat.

Makes you feel so lightheaded

Makes you feel so tired

As if you’ve been awake for days on end

Even though you’ve had the longest sleep

You’ve had in a long time, last night.

The strange ache in your bones that

Wasn’t there the day before.

That fogginess in your brain

From the thousands of thoughts that cross it

The feeling of breathlessness

Which can quickly turn into you

Hyperventilating

Panicking, anxiety

If you don’t take it under control.

The feeling that you can’t talk about it

If they ask you ‘what’s wrong?’

You’ll burst into tears and not be able to

Explain exactly what you’re feeling

Because you don’t have the words to

Explain it at all…

The thoughts that rush through your head

Telling you that something horrible

Is going to happen, that tells you nothing

Good will remain, why bother trying?

Because no one cares at all anyways…

Can’t shut your brain off,

Can’t turn it on for good things,

Can’t remember anything necessary,

Can’t recall what anyone told you five

Seconds ago…

And you laugh along with everyone,

Not quite understanding what’s going on,

And you smile and you talk about exciting things

That feel more like chores at times.

And spend the majority of the night overthinking

Replaying every word you say,

And every situation and telling yourself

That you sounded like an idiot,

And people smile and laugh to be nice to you.

You’re not funny.

You’re not interesting.

You’re annoying.

You’re strange and quirky.

Crawling feelings crowd your heart again,

And you stay awake until you pass out

From exhaustion just to repeat the same thing

All over again the next day.

Issues.

Overthinking, rethinking,

Not thinking, just thinking,

Underthinking,

Calculating, recalculating,

Overestimating, extravagating,

Underestimating,

Hyperventilating,

Nauseating,

A broken disc with no beginning

And no end at all.

Loneliness.