Kiss Me

Part Eleven

Marcus

It was so hard this morning. Seeing Walker half naked. Walkers half naked body that was completely naked and just for me only last night. All mine. I acted on instinct, sexual instinct and I took a lot from him, yet I'm not willing to give anything back. He'd eventually see me for what I really am and I wasn't going to put myself through anymore heartache. I'd had enough of that to last me a lifetime. So I'm going to pretend it never happened at all. I'll lock it away with all my other memories and throw away the fucking key. I wasn't here to get a boyfriend, I was here for my sister.

I held my breath for a moment, then slipped my trainers on. I couldn't even be bothered to dress up. Not today. Today was tracksuit day. Plus Walker said I'd need something a little baggier because of the still very sore tattoo. That was freaking awesome even though it was only half done. "Food." I said to a half zombie looking Walker. He'd not long ago got off the phone to his brother and all I heard were sighs and grunts. I think Kyle must have given some kind of ear bashing because he's not cracked a smile since.

"Coffee," he said as the lift pinged on the ground floor. "That's all I need right now."

"You look like you need more sleep."

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I'll sleep when I'm dead. Coffee is my main priority right now."

I shut my mouth as we made it into the restaurant. It's busy again. But no Lily or the guys. I guess they really are busy with preparations. Maybe I should offer to help, it might take my mind off the grumpy coffee deprived Walker. "Oh, they have cream cheese today." I said as my eyes scoured the huge buffet.

"Lucky," Walker mumbled and left me to pick at the food and headed straight for the coffee. Damn, I've really hit a nerve with him today and I didn't have the right to complain about it either. Not after last night and not after telling him we had to go back to pretending. I wasn't sure what felt worse. Taking everything he gave me or telling him to pretend. No...definitely telling him to pretend, because honestly there really was no pretending anymore. I just had to admit that, more to myself first, then him. Soon...soon I will. I just had to readjust my heart first, make sure that what I felt was actually genuine. I love pain, but I didn't like the pain in my heart or the pain so clearly written all over his face. "I got you coffee." He said. Now standing next to me.

"Thought maybe you’d abandoned me at the first chance," I said, and it was delivered like a joke, but I could see the real worry on his face.

"And miss out on all the fun?" He asked, passing me a cup of coffee. "Two sugars."

"You remembered," I marveled as I accepted the cup, wrapping both my hands around it.

"It’s not a whole lot to remember."

"Right...can you grab a plate? We both need to eat."

"Sure. I take it you're wanting cream cheese and bagels?"

"Obviously," He smiled and picked up a plate as I held my coffee in one hand now and we both filled the plate. "We can always come back for more."

"I think if you keep on eating so much you'll get fat."

I chuckled. "If I got fat would you hate it?"

"Stupid," he grinned. "I could never hate anything about you," Okay, so now I was grinning like a dork. "Let's find a table." I nodded and we left the buffet area and found a table by the window. This was nice, eating breakfast, drinking coffee and watching the snowfall.

"Oh my god! Is that you Marcus!?" I snapped my head around to see who just screamed my name and saw Dana walking towards me. Oh god! "Wow, it's been a while, huh?"

"Ahh, err...yeah." I stuttered.

"Do you mind if I join you? See I just got here and it's snowing like crazy. I'm soooo hungry too. Wow, you have bagels and cream cheese, I love that too ...." I was staring at her in horror, trying to drown out that high pitched voice of hers. "Hi, I'm Dana," She said, turning her attention to Walker who looked just as mortified as me. "It's awful outside. But gosh I'm glad I'm here. I thought I wasn't going to make it," Does she ever stop fucking taking? "Being the bridesmaid I have to be here, right?" She started to laugh and I almost spat my food out when she snorted like a fucking pig. I'm so glad I'm gay. Fuck, I'd still not date her if I was straight.

"Right. Well, we were just finishing up." Her face fell. I felt a little bad. She's not a horrible person, just so damn annoying.

"I see. Well, I'll see you at dinner anyway. Your mother told me we are seated together. Isn't that wonderful?"

I'm going to die. I'm not going to see Lily get married because it will be my funeral. "I'm sorry, Dana was it?" Walker said, catching her attention. "I'm afraid he'll be seated with me."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. I can't be split up from him you see. I'd die if I didn't get to sit with my lover."

Dana's mouth hung open as she processed what he'd just said. "Oh...I..erm, right. Okay, sorry for disturbing you," She didn't look the least bit sorry. If looks could kill. "I'll leave you both alone." And she shot off her chair like lightning. Probably going to run to my mom and cry about it.

"You looked horrified." Walker said.

"Oh, yeah….but not with you. Just...well she'll probably go run to my mom now."

"Shall we fuck off and eat out?"

"Best idea ever."

"Of course. I'm the best ever," God he really was...is. He is. The best ever. "Let's go before the evil snow queen makes her presence known."

I couldn't stifle my laugh and held my hand out for him which he gladly took and laced our fingers together. This was nice. Everything was nice with him. I guess I've been very contradictory over the last few days but I just couldn't seem to place my heart right or my thoughts. "I hope we can get out with the car."

"I'm sure they have the parking lot cleared and the roads too."

Then my heart stopped as my mother came hurtling towards us with Dana dragging her feet behind her. I fucking new it. "Shit, fuck...my mom."

"Hey, you!" I stopped. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Mom."

"Don't mom me!"

"What else would you like me to say other than mom?"

Her face went red as a beet. "Ever since you got here you've done nothing but try and ruin your sisters wedding!" Her voice raised so others could hear her berate her son. Nothing changes there.

I couldn't help but chuckle, then I looked right at her. "I've done nothing of the sort. If it's anyone who's trying to ruin shit it's you ...."

She cut me off when her hand made contact with my cheek. "You...you bring trash like that to your sister's wedding and you expect me to not say anything. All you ever do is ruin everything."

I held my face as anger surged through me. "Your funny mom, real funny….all these years, since I was a teen I've been nothing to you." I felt those ugly tears begin to fill my eyes.

"Marcus, Dana is a…."

"How about no!" I said sharp enough for her to stop. "I'm gay, mom...gay. You've known this since I was a teen. You treated me like shit since I was a teen because of it….you didn't help me when I was beaten and bullied because of it. I wanted to die because of it….I...I tried to die because of it and not once...ever have you ever comforted me. You ignored me like I was nothing and your still doing it...oh, and to bring Walker into this is fucking cruel. He's here for me because of you….your a stuck up overbearing judgemental bitch!" There I said it. Finally I had big boy balls.

"Get out!" She yelled again. Dana looked lost standing behind my mom.

"Gladly...come on Walker…" I went to grab his arm but he stood in front of my mom like a great big looming shadow.

"I'm sorry for rudely interrupting ma'am...actually I don't think you even deserve that," my mom gasped. "He's your son whether you like it or not. His sexual preference shouldn't ever have any bearing on you as a mother, but as my mother always quotes me. Love, be happy, it's what a mother wants most for their child. And you know I always thought….wow, but looking at you, hearing you makes me realize that some mothers are not fit to be mothers." And with that he grabbed my hand and stormed off out of the restaurant.

"Don't you dare come back! You hear me. You're disgusting!" She screams, having to get the last word in.

I went to say something, anything, but the words caught in my throat. Every word I knew seemed to be stuck in the back of my throat right now, choking me, lungs burning for air and eyes stinging as tears welled up in them, panic and pain filling my chest. I’d been wrong. She could hurt me. She’d found a way. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. I managed one deep breath before I realized I couldn’t stop myself from bursting into tears, and I wasn’t about to give her the satisfaction. Instead, I bit into the side of my cheek and turned, heading for the nearby side door and pushing it open.

My stomach clenched as I stepped into the falling snow outside, tears overwhelming me as soon as the door swung closed. I slid down the brick wall of the bar, landing heavily on the snow beneath me, too packed to do much to cushion the fall. Sob after sob made my whole body heave, sore and cold and still recovering from the shock of falling, salt tears clinging to my lips, nose threatening to drip on me.

"I got you," Walker's voice was soft and comforting. His arms tightened around me, stronger than I’d taken him for, a solid wall of protectiveness and comfort, and I fell just a little bit in love with him. Even though I knew I was currently ruining my chances. Who’d want a hot-tempered asshole who couldn’t take being yelled at one time? Walker never shushed me while I cried myself out. All he did was hold onto me, steady as a rock, fingers digging into my back even through all the layers I was wearing so I didn’t freeze to death out here in the middle of the goddamn frozen outside. "I'm here," And he was. Right here. Right in front of me. And he stood up for me. He said a few things I didn't ever have the guts to say. "Shall we just order a shit load of room service and watch a film?"

I nodded. I needed that. Needed him.