February 10

3001

I wake up suddenly, remembering falling asleep at the wheel. I am surprised to find myself in the bed, under the blanket. I leap out and race to the cockpit, thinking of the faulty autopilot system left in control.

I halt suddenly, mouth open. Soren is sitting in my seat flying the Camper smoothly on course, as the sun peaks up above the horizon.

“Soren!” I exclaim. He jumps and turns to look at me.

“I-I’m sorry, you were sleeping and so, well I didn’t know what else to do…” Soren stutters, quickly scrambling out of the chair and backing away.

“No it’s okay, I just didn’t know you knew how to fly it.” I explain.

“Well I’ve watched you so I have it pretty well figured out, I guess…” mumbles Soren. I am impressed. He stayed perfectly on course and everything. I take back the control and check the map. We’ll be there soon.

I feel like Soren is changing. I mean, I only met him a couple days ago, and it’s very slight, but it’s there. He still doesn’t look into my eyes, but he’s not afraid of me touching him so much. And lately it’s almost like he’s been trying to care for me.

I’m very proud of him, but he has a long way to go, and I’m not sure how easy it’s going to be for him. The world is a dark and hungry place, and to survive you have to be brutal, cold, and strong.

About half an hour later, destination is in sight. Soren looks surprised.

“Why are we here again?” He exclaims.

“Well, we need a place with water, shelter, somewhere hidden.” The storm shelter I met Soren at seemed perfect. I park the camper by the stream, hoping Soren is okay with that. I take a plastic jug to the stream and fill it up, and get started boiling and filtering it. The water is cleaner than I’d expected, but has shiny streaks of oil and smells of rust.

“What do you think, Soren, could we live here a while?” I ask. Soren uncertainly bites his lip.

“Petra, you should have left me at the city, I’m ruining your life.” He says very quietly. I sigh, put down the water filtering equipment, and go to the bed where Soren is sitting. I sit down next to him and and look at his bony hands, one wrapped in a bloody rag. He still has a nasty red scar on his wrist. He’s pathetic.

“I am not leaving you.” I say firmly. Soren squints his eyes and squirms awkwardly. I know he doesn’t understand the idea of a human caring about him, but I try to explain anyway.

“Soren, it’s like this. What if you saw a baby crow that fell out of the nest and was abandoned by its parents? Saving one crow doesn’t make a difference to the world, but it makes a world of difference to one crow. Does that make sense?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t deserve you. I’m not supposed to be a person, I’m supposed to be a killing machine.” Soren whispers, looking down at his trembling hands in his lap. I think for a moment and try again.

“I have a father. I’ve even had friends before. When I was a baby my dad did the best he could to feed me and take care of me. I am relatively well off, with this vehicle, food, a water purifier...I have a way better life than most people.” I start explaining, “And you didn’t get any of that.

You should have gotten what we all deserve, but you didn’t, through no fault of your own. It’s not your fault what BioMod did to you. You deserve the things I have, so I’m doing my best to give them to you.”

Soren looks like he’s struggling so I get up and give him some space. I go back to the water, keeping an eye on Soren from a distance. He sits very still, not trembling as usual, or rocking back and forth. He looks tired and I realize he didn’t sleep last night.

“Soren, you should rest.” I suggest to him. He’s tired enough he agrees and gratefully lies down. I notice he’s watching me with one eye. I finish filtering the water and move on to checking the ration supply. I go through counting every bag, sorting through the meals for me and the ones for Soren.

I glance over at Soren again, and he seems to be asleep. He has the blanket bunched up in his hands and his knees are tucked to his chest. I want to go outside, but I don’t want to leave Soren alone.

I have such a weakness for him. I can be the one to put a fatally injured friend out of their misery, I can kill in cold blood, I can eat rotting animal feed to survive, but when it comes to Soren…

I am soft. It disturbs me, but at the same time it feels so good to care for something in this sick world. It gives me a sense of purpose besides surviving and fighting. Soren needs me.

There’s a small whimper from the bed and I go to check on Soren. His eyes are closed but he has a small distressed frown on his sleeping face. He’s clenching the blanket in his fists and making little muffled whines.

He’s like this whenever he’s asleep, he has bad dreams. I don’t know what to do for him. I sit down slowly on the edge of the bed and talk to him quietly. When he hears my voice he settles and breathes evenly again. I sit with him for awhile, watching his pale face for signs of distress.