Mason's reflection in the mirror looks almost as anxious as he feels.

His eyes look wide and panicked, pupils dilated unnaturally in the middle of his irises like an unwanted black hole in the universe. It briefly makes him wonder if his anxiety peaks, would his pupils widen and take over all the hazel in his eyes? Suck the color out of his life?

A blink and the image is shattered, only to get replaced by the fog on the mirror from his breath.

It's because of the small knock on the bathroom door.

"Mase?" The voice is muffled but it does wonders for Mason's mental stability. He splashes another painful round of icy cold water on his face, letting the cold seep into his eyes and make them burn harder than the sear already beyond them. Fuck you, he seethes internally. It took me years to get where I stand today. If a missed call was all it took for the feeling to come back creeping in through all of the defenses he had formed around him, then what's the goddamn use-

Another knock interrupts his thoughts.

Fuck this.

He gargles and spits the water back out, feeling his teeth hurt from the chill. Gwen can't smell the vomit on him. She can't.

"Yeah, I'm here," he replies after a bit, voice sounding way stronger than he feels at that moment. He clenches and unclenches his fist, glaring at his reflection one last time because he hates what he sees. The trembling shoulders, the rapidly rising and falling chest.

Gwen looks like she's panicking harder than he is when he opens the door to reveal her face.

"Is everything okay?"

He nods silently, numb hand still on the doorknob.

She holds her arms out hesitantly, letting out a sigh of pure relief when Mason steps forward and lets her wrap him in her warm hold.

Gwen is a good foot and a half shorter than he is, but her presence and her comfort are bigger than anything in the world.

"Don't you scare me like that ever again, brat," she tries to mumble jokingly but her voice betrays her by breaking towards the end, and Mason hugs her tightly. He doesn't know who he's trying to hold together. Her, or his own being.

He had the mind to call her as soon as he got home, knowing full well he was about to have a panic attack when his limbs had gone numb before he felt a familiar vibration in his chest that soon began to hurt. And he was well aware of the consequences of having a panic attack while he was alone. Thankfully, he didn't have one. Not a complete one anyway.

But the thought doesn't relieve him all that much.

Because that was close. Too close.

"I'm sorry," he whispers and hates how his own voice, unlike how it had sounded in the bathroom, now sounds like it's on the verge of breaking too. "I'm so fucking sorry."

I'm sorry for putting the kind of responsibility on you that shouldn't have been yours in the first place. I'm sorry for the shit that you go through because of me. I'm sorry for being such a useless waste of space. I'm so sorry that even after all this time, I can't take care of myself.

"Hush," she whispers and rubs his back without raising her face. "It's okay. Everything's okay. I'm here now."

The tears in her voice make him realize he's crying, and it only makes him cry harder. And before he knows, he holding onto her like she's his only anchor and crying into her shoulder like he never has before.

Shoulders shaking with sobs heavy enough to take over his breath, he allows the blackness pour out of his mind and down his cheeks. Gwen's soft echoes of, "I'm here, Mase," slowly make way into the newly emptied space in his chest, and he doesn't realize when they sink to the floor, with his face pressed into her stomach and one of her hands in his hair, the other still rubbing his back.

When they're silent long enough for the tears on Mason's cheeks to dry and the air feels cold on his face, he realizes Gwen has been rocking him from side to side.

It's calming.

He closes his eyes, trying to let her gentle, familiar touch on his face make the numbness go away. It's like a balm to his leftover bruises.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" she asks softly, fingers still carding through his damp hair.

He wants to shake his head. But he stops himself, and says, "Not right now," in a scratchy voice instead.

"Okay." She pulls away just a little to look at his face and then wipes the traces of tears from under his eyes. "I'll make you some iced tea. Is that okay?"

He nods, her motherly smile making him feel more at peace. And as she pats his cheek and stands up before holding out a hand for him, he thanks whatever energy controls their world for the umpteenth time for her existence in his life.

She stares at him for a few moments, as if making sure he's really okay. Then she reaches out and ruffles his hair fondly.

Mason doesn't have the heart to speak right now, but he hopes she sees in his eyes how thankful he is for her. With the way her smile turns gentler, he can tell she does know.

"I'm just..." She takes a deep breath. Stares at the floor. And then she fiddles with her neon fingernails. "I'm really glad you called me."

Just a few words and they work their way into Mason's heart. All of his worries dissipate because he knows she means it. With all of her heart. Means it every time she lets him know that she doesn't mind being there for him. Whenever he needs it.

So he gives her a watery smile and just settles with a nod in reply, the hollow feeling in his chest slowly filling back up with all the good things in the world. The biggest one of them being the existence of Gwen McCrae as the only parental figure in his life all these years.

She's in the kitchen working on making tea for both of them when he finally finds his voice again.

"Hey Gwen?" he calls, voice still brittle.

She pauses and turns around.

"I love you," he murmurs and means it more than anything he's ever meant in his life. "Thank you for everything." I don't know what I'd do without you.

Gwen's eyes sparkle with a new sheen of tears. "You're a good kid, Mase. Don't you ever forget that, okay?"

Throat choking up again, he nods and watches her shoot him another smile before turning back around. He knows Gwen's home is always going to be the one place in the world where he has to worry about nothing.

Not now, not ever.