~~Interlude~~

Shirogane Chiaki

Gestaltzerfall - (German for "shape decomposition") refers to a type of visual agnosia and is a psychological phenomenon where delays in recognition are observed when a complex shape is stared at for a while as the shape seems to decompose into its constituting parts.

I looked it up, and it was a very accurate description of what I was currently going through right then.

"Beautiful."

"Pretty."

"Gorgeous."

"Attractive."

I'd heard these words so often that it started to take me a while to remember what they meant and recognize them as compliments.

I'd been told these words all my life, and by the time I was in high school it had become sort of a curse... because nothing good ever followed it.

It was like nothing I could do could outshine the face I was born with. Both my parents were undoubtedly good-looking people so the chances of me inheriting an attractive face were through the roof...

It made me miserable.

It didn't matter that I was good at soccer, I was pushed into the drama or home economics club anyway.

It didn't matter that I was class rep because once I start talking to the class it all goes over their heads.

When the name "Shirogane Chiaki" came up in a conversation, there was seldom any mention of my grades, my opinions or even my interests.

When some brave soul detached themself from the crowd of sparkly eyed onlookers and professed their love, meeker than a mouse, I would ask, "What do you like about me?" In return...

"You're beautiful."

"You're really pretty."

"You're gorgeous."

"You're very attractive. "

I always hear the same answer without fail. There was nothing left but depression.

Those words formed a thick, suffocating barrier between me and everybody else.

'Is that all I'm good for?'

No.

'Is that all I am?'

No.

'Is this all they see in me?'

.... Yes.

"It's okay, being the Student Council president isn't hard at all! If it's Shirogane-sama I'm sure they'd all listen!"

It didn't even matter that I had the grades to deserve the position. They all just expect me to stand there and look pretty.

It's not that I hate my face.

God, no.

I was still proud of this face because this was the face I shared with my mother, and, in my eyes, my Mama was godly. Mama was always my role model.

Even though I was more than sure that my mama was prettier than me, I was also sure that no one with half a brain could overlook her accomplishments.

My mother climbed to the top of the business world at a young age and stayed there with her arms akimbo and her stance unshakable.

She built an empire up from the dirt with her own two hands. I was sure there was nothing she didn't know, nothing she couldn't do. She had a backbone of reinforced steel, I tell you, and an infectious confidence present in everything she did that was plain to see.

Mother was my idol. This was why I tried my hardest to be like her.

"Bold."

"Precise."

"Aloof."

"Sharp."

"Capable."

These were what I wanted to become, and I'd be damned if I'd let the superficial feelings of insignificant people dampen my resolve, so as I walked through the large double doors of my private high school, in my immaculate blazer uniform, I kept my head high, my posture perfect and my steps light.

Everyone in the front courtyard ceased movement (even though they clearly didn't have to) and clear the way as I pass by.

"Shirogane-sama!"

"Shirogane-sama!"

"Good evening, Shirogane-sama!"

Mou, even though it was snowing out... Aren't they cold? They're always so needlessly polite, but the last person I tried to get to say "Chiaki-san" fainted on me, so I'd long given up on getting them to refer to me familiarly. I just smiled serenely and answers them with impeccable mannerisms.

It's like as soon as I arrive at the scene all the fun they were having the moment before just keels over and dies. I even used to wistfully watch the kendo club practice, but as soon as they notice me, they become clumsy, or just straight up stop practice to surround me, show off and fawn. This is why I never joined it, no matter how much I wanted to. They'd probably get nothing done if I stuck around.

I ducked into the waiting car leaving my self-proclaimed "retinue" behind with one last graceful, nonchalant wave.

As soon as the door closed my cool mask slipped off my face in favor of an expression of pure annoyance. I heaved a most unladylike sigh and melted into an even more unladylike slouch as the car drove off leaving the large gothic styled school building behind us.

I swear their glittering gazes were beginning to fray my nerves by the second.

I just wanted to go home, stuff my face with cookie dough ice cream and wrap myself in my duvet playing video games like a hikkikomori.

I was just in the middle of cracking my stiff neck when I was hit by a realization. Today was the rarest of days: Mama's day off!

I sat bolt upright as my face was probably lit up like the night sky on Chinese New Year.

I just barely resisted the urge to tell my driver to hurry the hell up.

My mother was a busy woman. That's an understatement, but no matter how busy she was, she anyways set aside a day in every month just for me and her. That day was today!

I was practically bouncing in my seat now.

It might seem like an overreaction but today was the day I could bask in the glow of normal human social interaction, and I don't get that very often. I didn't have friends, I had followers that always kept that same irritatingly polite distance.

The only people that really treated me as "Chiaki" instead of "Shirogane-sama" were my Mama, Papa and my Mama's secretary, Shimizu Eiko.

My parents recently divorced, and it's not like I could go hit up Eiko-san every time I'm besieged by the gnawing loneliness, I'd grown familiar to since kindergarten when my peers basically placed me on a pedestal.

Today it was just Mama and me and I was just her "Aki".

When the car finally stopped in front of the white marble fountain in the front yard of our villa, I threw the door open and bolted for the front doors and the warmth inside.

"Mama, I'm hoooome!!" I shouted into the tastefully decorated hall from the genkan. I was greeted with silence.

My face fell a little.

'Was she called into work for an emergency?'

A quick glance showed me her shoes sitting in place, and my smile regained a little more strength.

I removed my shoes and hung up my coat before practically skipping along the way to my room where I tossed my bag into my chair. I proceeded to skip straight to my mother's room humming no particular tune.

Even I thought my enthusiasm was a little sad, but what could I do?

My parents had been divorced for several months now and it was only me and Mama.

Many people fell at my mother's feet in the business world. My father, it seemed... just fell, and he fell hard. He always seemed to be listless and distracted whenever he was away from her for long stretches of time, yet he was always at her elbow whenever they were both home at the same time. It irritated Mama; I could see it. There was the inevitable argument and a messy divorce followed suit.

Things were finally quiet now so I could finally relax and slack off with Mama for the rest of the day~

I loved, Papa. I really did, but the divorce... did something to him. I don't know what, but he wasn't himself anymore. He was even more listless than how he got when he missed Mama except... he was now very haggard and tired looking. Sometimes he even forgot I was there...

My father was in no state for me to rant to him about my school problems, so it was just me and Mama.

My father had become a shadow of his former self. In fact, I hadn't seen hide nor hair of him in months, and I was not prepared to have to face him until the aftermath of the divorce cooled down...

This was why I was ill prepared for the sight of Shirogane Asami haggard and dishevelled kneeling before my mother's bed with his face in his hands and huge choking sobs and shudders rocking his frame.

Sprawled across the bed before him was.... My Mama. She was wearing her comfiest green dress robe and a single, fluffy indoor slipper. She was lying completely prone with her shoulder length, black hair fanned out around her head on the messy sheets, her eyes wide open, lolled back and a trail of saliva glistening from the corner of her slightly parted lips to just below her left ear.

What drew my eyes were the huge, startlingly bluish-purple bruises around her neck in the shape of what was clearly two sets of fingers.

I was screaming before I even knew it. My eyes glued to what my mind was desperately trying to deny was my mother's corpse.

My father's head snapped up amidst my ear-splitting shrieks, giving me a clear view of his exhausted, teary face.

"... Chiaki?" Came his hoarse voice in an almost tentative whisper. He wobbled to his feet, but I already took off further down the hall, screaming all the way. "Chiaki, wait!"

My eyes were blurred with tears as I ran madly to where? I wasn't even sure. Instinct had already kicked in and I ran like the hounds of hell were at my heels. My blood was rushing in my ears by now and my heart hammered in my ears.

Through my terrified tears I saw a door before me and just managed to slide to a halt before smashing into it. My hands were trembling so hard that I fumbled the handle more than twice, making frustration and fear ripple through me before I succeeded in opening it. I was promptly hit with a burst of cold air.

I threw the door open so hard it slammed into the wall behind it. It turned out that this door led right out into the backyard pool area.

Just after I ducked through the doorway I was jerked back by a firm grip on the back of my blazer. My first instinct was to scream even louder and flail like mad, all elbows and knees.

"Aki, please!!... I... I didn't mean--" His words were cut off by my elbow making contact with his stomach, causing all the air to leave him in an "oomph!".

His grip on me loosened so suddenly that I stumbled forward, slipping on a thin sheet of ice... and falling straight into the pool.

I made contact with the frozen surface so hard that I saw stars for a split second before the thin ice gave way and I was engulfed by bone chilling icy water. I was so shocked by the sudden shift in temperature that all the air escaped me as bubbles.

Once my brain came back online, I madly tried to swim to the surface, but found something wrapped around me, restraining my limbs like an icy soaking wet blanket.

The pool cover.

The cold was sapping my consciousness so fast, yet I couldn't free myself from the tarp-like material. My struggles were getting weak and my lungs burned.

When another pair of arms began to frantically yank at the cover I was already feeling like a block of ice. My vision was darkening.

So cold.

Distantly in the back of my mind I could still feel the pair of arms desperately trying to untangle me.

My body was so numb.

It was pitch dark.

I couldn't even sob.

'Mama...'

"It looks like the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree~..."

Surprisingly a bell-like voice cut through the icy darkness. I couldn't place the gender. It certainly wasn't my father.... It sounded sort of exasperated though. I wanted to shout for help but found that I couldn’t feel anything but the cold.

"Well... I might as well toss you in too, I guess~"

And with that the deathly cold was replaced by a sweltering heat so suddenly it almost gave me whiplash.