This is not a new chapter, so I apologize to any new subs. If you want to click away now, go for it! If you want the TL;DR, I bolded every reason for dropping this story, so you can just read those. If you think they are dumb excuses, so be it! I don't really mind. But I am sorry if I got your hopes up. I didn't mean to...

To nobody's surprise, I'm sure, I'm not finishing this story. I'm really sorry about that! There are a couple reasons why, so I'll go ahead and list them here to make things as clear and concise as possible:

1. Firstly, and most embarrassingly, I actually lost all of my notes for this story. The plot and character arcs and shit. Everything. Don't know where they are. I think my phone just went and offed everything, which is a real shame, because I would've like to at least pay tribute to it one final time. I wrote a side-one-shot for the story a while back, but of course I'll only upload it if people want to see it. Because that's literally the only thing I'm sure I have. 😥

2. College is killing me. I don't think I've ever been this stressed. I study at an art university, which I'm very privileged to be in and I have my family to thank for that. Having a sort of love-hate relationship with art right now. But yes, I'm a freshmen who writes for fun, and while writing is fun, college says HEY! LITTLE SHIT! come over here if you want a future in art. So I gotta do what I gotta do. 

3. Reading this story again, I've found a lot of stuff that I'm dissatisfied with. There are character inconsistencies everywhere. The writing is iffy. Not really sure if some of the last few chapters are even very relevant to the plot (I remember it... vaguely), and I'm pretty sure the last two I wrote out of sheer desperation so that I could qualify for the contest. So it's not great! I feel like I kind of should have put more love into the writing, as much as I loved the characters. 

4. I'm writing something else. I don't want to write hitman anymore.  Oh.. it feels like betrayal. Kieran, Alta, Kilgrave, lovely Judas. I am so sorry. I'm writing something else, something that I want to have fun with but also commit to daily, but in little inklings, so I don't get sick of it. I think I wrote two, three chapters in a day for 'in which the hitman...' and stagger-posted them. It's fun, but not very substantial and it lead to some nasty burnout. I'm putting most of my time into improving art, because that's what I really want to do, and writing is something that I don't want to stress about. It's probably one of the only things I don't stress about. 

5. I write really, REALLY SLOWLY, and if I picked hitman up again it would never be the same. I cannot, for the love of god, get a chapter out of my system without being threatened even if I sit at my computer for 5 hours with cafe jazz playing in the background. Doesn't work. I'm a disgusting perfectionist and I hate it. And also I think my writing and just overall tone has changed a lot. So I'm not sure if I could even continue it well even if I wanted to. 

That's all the reasons! 

Here's more about what I'm writing now, and why I'm writing it. I ramble, so you don't have to read any of this, but here it is: 

So college really kicked my ass. I got tired. I decided to dedicate 20-30 minutes to build and write a story over the course of a few months instead of trying to hit a deadline and procrastinate over it like. Damn. 17-year-old Holi was not good at organising shit. That's it, really. Writing is stress relieving now. 

I started a NaNoWriMo account because they actually track your progress and it's healthily motivating to see my overall progress go up, even if it's achingly slow. Now I only write about 500 words a day. PITIFUL, I'M SURE! I'm a terribly slow writer when it comes to writing long things that aren't fanfiction or fleeting flowery moments with a vague sense of time and place. 

Random questions that I've always wanted to answer!

Wow, Holi, is your name really Holi?
Wow, what an interesting question! No! That's the name of an original character that I draw from time to time. I tried to RP as her through this account but you guys showered me with so many compliments as I was writing hitman that I literally couldn't write in her formal tone and just started gushing with appreciation instead. (Jiemae, if u are still here, literally this is what happened when u commented). And to everyone that's followed and read this story: guys, I really appreciate it. It meant a lot to me and it still does! People actually read my writing that isn't fanfiction? Insane! Preposterous! You guys really kept my motivation going, so thank you :) 

Wow! A new story?? What is it about!!!!
I'm actually going to start posting it on Archive/AO3. NaNoWriMo doesn't have an option to post your stories on their website, and Tapas' word limit is too short. I don't expect people to read it, it's not important anymore. But it's mainly for me to keep in check, and do my best to write something relaxing and long and long term. 

Here's some of the first bit if you're curious: "Looking up is blue too: vast, uncountable swatches of colour sprinkled across white clouds. Their size makes them suitable sentinels for the valley - monolithic, as the Goddess likely made them to be. They are still when one sets their eyes on them but restless when one looks away." 

That's it! I really don't know what else to say. If I let you down... I'm sorry. But this is what I'm doing now. Thank you so much for reading my story. For a brief moment last year, it was really, really cool to be on the feature list and u guys made it happen. I am forever grateful!