Steph woke from her nightmare unable to breath.
It was just a dream. Steph clutched her chest. Calm down, heart. Nothing has happened.
This was the third night in a row since coming back from winter break that a nightmare had woken her. Each one a different form of how she was now unclean and unworthy. In her head, she knew this wasn't true, but since when has anxiety listened to anyone?
Steph had gotten a new phone number over break. Every time she had received a text, she had gotten anxious. Her mom got concerned by her panicking, so new phone and number it was. Just get rid of everything associated with that stupid night.
Over break, she had had time to think about who could have had any reason to do that to her. While there was always the possibility it was her craziest ex-boyfriend, the one who had spread the majority of the rumors around her, that seemed unlikely. They hadn't talked for over two years. The most likely culprits were Jessica and Sasha. It had happened the day they moved out, and Steph could definitely see Jessica thinking spelling out each number was cute.
Steph was, of course, frustrated with them, but she couldn't be mad at them for the complete break down she was having. If her friends didn't even know about her past and deep-set fears, how could they? Steph had already forgiven them. They weren't worth her time to hold a grudge. They had their own immaturity to deal with. That was more of a punishment than anything a silent grudge would do.
Feelings of unworthiness lingered as Steph rolled out of bed. She wasn't sure what else she could do, but she knew she needed to get it together so she wouldn't have a repeat of last semester health-wise.
Well, I could always talk to the bishop, Steph thought. That made sense. She'd talked to her parents, her best friend back home, her brothers... Sighing, Steph got out her phone and texted her bishop about setting up an appointment for the next day.
---
Steph's meeting with her bishop had gone well and worked. She had not had another nightmare that week and she felt good about herself again. Now she was onto other matters.
Jer's brother, Joseph, was visiting. Steph decided to thoroughly confuse Joseph. Jer had told her that his older sister had told his family that they were dating. Jer had emphatically denied such claims, which Steph was thankful for. That didn't mean she was going to pass up this chance to make Jer blush by hardcore flirting with him in front of his brother. Nor was she going to pass up the chance to see if Jer's awkwardness ran in the family.
"So what are you studying?" Steph asked Joseph as she draped her legs across Jer's lap. As expected, Jer's face started turning red. It practically burst into flames as she snuggled into his shoulder. Joseph, unfortunately, did not change his expression at all.
"Advertising," he responded.
"That's cool. I'm in public relations, so we're neighbors!" Steph leaned over to playfully push Joseph's shoulder. "Or we would be if you transferred schools."
Steph shot Joseph a flirty grin and playful eyes. Once again, he didn't seem phased. He's harder than Jer... I'm going to have to try harder to get a reaction out of him.
---
Steph flopped onto Jer's couch. Joseph had headed back to Idaho that morning. Steph had tried all weekend to get a reaction out of him, but he never broke! How frustrating.
"I couldn't collect your brother's face!" Steph complained to Jer. "I tried so hard but he wasn't phased at anything!"
Jer chuckled. "He just has a good poker face. He told me that he couldn't figure out if you were trying to get him to leave the room so you could make out with me or if you wanted him to stay. Especially when you decided to flirt with everyone in the room."
"Well at least I confused him, even if I couldn't get him to break," Steph grinned. She had had a lot of fun teasing Jer over the weekend.
Jer turned on the 90's X-Men cartoon and sat next to Steph. They settled in comfortably next to each other. Jer put his arm around Steph and she leaned into him.
While her eyes may not have strayed from the TV, Steph's mind was definitely not on X-Men. So you could make out with me. That's what Jer had said. Steph couldn't get the idea out of her head. It was oddly appealing. Steph had never found Jer particularly attractive, yet she couldn't stop thinking about kissing him.
What is wrong with me? Steph thought. I just spent all winter break wishing I could see Will and now I'm thinking about kissing someone else? I must be going crazy.