'Being a tool is better then being useless.'

The more words tumbled out of Owen's mouth, it made me angry that Enkhor, that humans had let a person fall so low.

'You're not useless.'

'Uh anyway, gimme a sec. I'll let your friend talk again.'

Owen sat down on the sofa and the room instantly started to feel slightly different. His face and body relaxed, his breathing slowed and the feeling of Taos became a little stronger.

'Dale?'

'Taos?'

He smiled. Not the Owen smile. It was my friend again.

'So. Where were we? The past, huh.'

There were so many questions I had, but a new one stuck out.

'Why?'

'Why'd I take my own life, you mean?'

'I already know that.'

Taos shuffled on the sofa. Neither of us could look at each other.

'I mean, why did you reach out? Just to say hi?'

'Yeh,' Taos smiled softly 'But there's more.' The smile turns into a grin.

This fucker really hasn't changed a bit.

Every harebrained idea. Every hopeless mission. Every devious plan. As teens there was never a limit to our imaginations. Because reality was, well, it was real. In our play adventures, we could be anybody. And sometimes, sometimes it spilled into the real world and got us in a lot of trouble.

'I sort of absolutely need your help, bud.'

I chuckle. 'Ahah. So you've got-' I do the finger brackets thing '-Unfinished Business!'

Taos shakes his head at my lame joke. But he feels heavy. This is followed directly by the pity look. Great. It's the look I never have to bear when nobody around me really knows me. The look I probably just gave Owen.

'Nope. You have the unfinished business, Dale.'

My gut churns.

'Let sleeping dogs lie, mate,' I warn. 'I'm not going down the rabbit hole. I don't want the red pill. I don't need to be woke. I go to work, okay, and then I come home. I have built something here for myself.'

'Yeh, I'm not saying you've done a bad job.'

Ugh, stop playing me douchebag!

'But Dale,' he says. 'Why stop at this?'

Taos has a way of presenting stupidity and risk like it's an awesome opportunity you can't afford to pass up. He should have been a used ship salesman.

'Because, okay! This is as much as I can handle.' I really mean it. For some people, emotional collapse and mental breakdown are a thousand setbacks away. For me, it's like my shadow. Everpresent. The slightest trauma and I'm right back sliding down the spiral again.

'What if someone needed you?' he asked.

I've already tried to help one person today. I'm almost certainly going to regret it. Taos has me confused for a functional human being.

'Well, they would need to find someone else. Someone dependable.'

'I depended on you for years.'

More fucking tears. Stupid emotion.

'I failed at that too, clearly.'

'Really,' Taos sniffs and Owen's eyes start turning red. 'You gave me the happiest times in my life, you idiot.'

'Come on. If it wasn't for me, you never would have gotten involved. Everything was my fault.' He can't argue with that.

'Hah! Actually-'

'-Oh great,' I interrupt 'Here comes a Taos Technicality.'

'-it was the border collie who brought us together. So blame him.'

'I don't hate you Taos,' I respond. 'But I don't not hate you.'

We sit in silence for half a minute, neither breaking eye contact with each other. Dealthly serious. Super intent. Refusing to back down.

And then at the same moment we burst out laughing. The kind of laugh I've waited half my life to have again. I'm crying and I'm laughing and I can't stop. Taos is cacking himself.

I drag myself over and take a hug. Even though it's Owen's body, I just need to remember what it's like to be held, by someone who knows who you are.

I don't know how many minutes pass. They are minutes I'll deny in the future. Softness is weakness.

'There's so much I wanna tell you,' Taos says.

He's still such a beautiful soul. Stop thinking that!

'But first-'

'-You're gonna ruin this? This is my first nice memory in seven long years.'

'No, seriously.'

'Alright.' I say. 'Spit it out. Who needs help?'

'People like us.'

So much for the nice memory. 'No. Sorry.'

'They have nobody to stand up for them.' I can hear the passion in his voice. I hate listening to it.

'I've left that behind me, on Earth,' I tell him.

'Not even death spared me from my pain, Dale. You can't run forever.'

'Watch me.'

'I'm sorry to tell you this. But you're dying. I don't want you to have regrets.'

I'm... DYING?

'Are you serious?' I ask.

'No. You're not dying.'

I grab Owen/Taos in his giggle fit and throw him in a headlock. 'You little shit.' If there was any doubt in my mind about his identity, it was gone.

He whispers now. Friggin salesman. 'But if you were, would you still say no?'

I know the answer. I'd quit my job. I'd try to help. I'd regret it and likely get murdered for my efforts. This is the part of my nature I want to erase.

'The ones who pass over, without anyone ever standing up for them, those young people have the hardest trouble here in the spirit world. Their suffering doesn't end.'

'Why?' I ask.

'They have no faith they're worth anything. So when a brighter spirit comes around and tries to help, the victim won't trust them.'

I shiver. 'I hate that word. Victim. Like it defines us.' He's got me thinking, like always. 'But I guess we did have each other,' I admit.

'We still have each other, Daley. While they're alone. For now.'

'You suck. Let's say I maybe agree, where would we start?'

'Right here on Enkhor.'

Gulp. 'What if I can't do it?'

'I love you Dale. I know who you are.'

He never said shit like that on Earth.

'You've changed,' I complain, bitterly, revising my earlier conclusion.

'Not enough. Now come here!'

I am ashamed to say I let him hug me again.