To my birth family,

I guess you wanna know how I took the whole, “You’re adopted,” thing.

Here it goes:

I don’t actually remember when I first learned that I wasn’t my parent’s biological child. 

What I do remember is that ever since I was a kid Mum and Dad read me this nursery rhyme book about adoption. It was this really cute kid’s book with a music sheet to go along with the rhymes and everything. They read it to me every night, focusing on how whatever happened in the past, I shouldn’t feel bad about being adopted. On the contrary, that I should celebrate my family now.

It was later, much, much later, when I learned there was more to the story. I think it was toward high school when I started thinking about what adoption meant and where I came from.

Mum recommended I read some books by Chinese authors about adoption, which I eventually did. 

But 14-year old me didn’t know where to begin. Sure, I had the adoption books, but I wasn’t in the mood to read long biographies about politics and history. I wanted something a bit more . . . how should I put this? Exciting.

So I did what any kid my age would’ve done. I watched Chinese dramas.

I started watching historical dramas, fact checking them as I went (e.g. the original ballad of Mulan said she was good at everything before going off to war, but drama shows say she didn’t know how to fight so we can feel good about her learning to kick ass).

As my Chinese drama phase slowed down I took to reading historical fiction. You know, stuff about ancient dynasties and the twentieth century era of Westernization. I stayed away from the stuff leading up to the population crisis, though. I didn’t think I was ready for that yet.

When I turned 16 I decided to crack open books solely about adoption. There’s an author in the UK who wrote a book about Chinese mothers who gave up their daughters. It was moving and insightful. I hadn't considered a mother's feeling after giving up her child.

I came to understand my birth country as a very history-rich place. China is complicated, so I’d never be able to fully understand it. Just like how I believed I’d never know the exact reason out of thousands why I was given up for adoption. I mean, even if I don’t like your reasoning it’s not like I can completely complain.

I have a loving family now; parents who never made me feel ashamed of or alienated from my past, a super annoying yet amazing sister, and the sweetest kitten in the world!

And hey, I’m living in Canada where I can watch Disney movies in their original language right on their release date (no waiting for translations!).

To sum it up, I’ve never really had a problem with being adopted before. 

At least, until I got to university. But that’s for another letter.

Sincerely,

Lillian