To both my moms; my birth mother for believing I should have a chance to live; my mum for making her dream a reality.

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To my birth mother,

I read somewhere that birth parents want to meet the people who adopted their kids. I don’t think there’s an order of whom you have to meet first, but in most of the reunion videos the birth parents are particularly interested in meeting the adoptive mother.

My mum’s name is Lynn. She’s pretty with brown hair and glasses. She’s like me in the sense that she’s not fond of math or long business meetings.

While I was growing up she stayed home from work to raise Su and me. She says being a mother is a full-time job, and that you either need a strong backbone or you’ve got to be willing to grow one.

I like to think we didn’t give her too much trouble when we were younger. Su and I were pretty mellow as far as kids go. We didn’t get into fist fights like I’ve heard boys do, though we went through a phase of nonstop bickering (Mum’s probably glad that’s over).

Mum was the type who indulged you until you started getting annoying. Annoying as in greedy, whiny, selfish, and unbearably noisy. That’s to be expected in the toddler phase, though, according to her.

She’ll listen to your constant whining for hours and still give you good advice at the end of it. All throughout high school she listened to my rambling about how much I hated school and puberty stuff.

Even now she still listens to my rambling about overbearing essays and how much I hate working. I don’t even live at home anymore and she’s still okay with me calling her now and again (you know, cause adults don’t text).

She never made me feel like she was the only mom I have and could ever have. She’s my forever mom, but she doesn’t claim to be my only mom.

When I was little she made it sound like a fairy tale:

A baby girl from another land was brought to the king and queen. They knew nothing about where she came from or who her parents were, but they didn’t care. They took the child into their home and loved her as their daughter. Their loyal subjects accepted the girl as their princess, despite the fact that she looked very different from them, so the girl never felt unwelcome. She felt like she had a place to belong.

But as the princess grew older she sometimes felt very alone. Although she had a family who loved her and loyal subjects and friends who would never leave her, she felt that something was missing.

So as she grew up her parents told her about how she’d come to be their daughter. They told her that somewhere out in the world her birth parents were hoping she was alive and well.

They said it was alright if she wanted to seek them out one day. That it could be the princess’ Great Quest, one she could tell tales of when she grew old.

The princess’ story was only just beginning. What she did as princess and if she quested to find her birth parents is up to her. Lillian, whatever your future holds, it’s up to you.

My mum knows that somewhere out in the world there’s another woman going about her daily life, ordinary on the outside but in her she carries the knowledge that she’s lost a part of her she may never get back.

Mum encouraged me to reach out to you, to learn where I came from and seek out my roots. She said to me, “This is your 'Great Quest,' the one you’ve been waiting for.” I knew then what I’d always known, that she’d support me in whatever decision I made, no matter how stupid and reckless it might be.

If you ever get the chance to meet her, be warned, she only speaks English and French, not Chinese, so her Mandarin accent is just as bad as mine.

If she meets you she’ll probably be speechless at first, but she’ll smile, shake your hands, and pull you into a hug. Internally she might be crying at the thought of her daughter finding a connection to someone other than her. She won’t hold it against me or you because she knows that whatever happens it’s my choice to make.

To you, my birth mother, you’ll always be the family who brought me into the world, the one who gave me a chance to live and have a Great Quest.

I'll say right now that we can’t reclaim the twenty years we’ve lost, so I won’t expect you to suddenly become a mother to me. So please, don’t expect me to suddenly become a true daughter to you.

I'm open to learning about you so long as you're open to learning about me. Right now that's all we can really do.

You’ll always be my birth mother, but Lynn is the only person I’ll ever call my mum.

Sincerely,

Lillian