The light is so bright, and it makes me miserable. Before I'm even fully awake I vomit into my trash can, feeling the full effects of last night. When I first wake up, is the only times I'm sober- and my heads feels so cloudy and confused and everything is too much. I gulp down some water and slide my window open, lighting up a joint. I don't know why I open my window- not like my dad gives a fuck. I watch the neighbors pack up their van, and rumble off, probably going to the beach. I hear my dads snores from my bedroom and I groan in protest, putting out my joint and hopping out of bed. I pull on a pair of dirty sweatpants and head to the kitchen. I spend a few minutes just staring at the food, but I decide on water- as per usual. I down a few glasses and check the time- almost noon. I better head out of this shit hole now.

I stare at my naked self in the mirror- critiquing every last detail. The scars that no one could ever love and the body that makes me want to cut off my skin. The cigarette marks and thin scars. The collar bones nearly poking through my skin and the veins showing through my hands. I pull on a flannel that stinks of pot, and my slide on my rip off doc martens. I grab my backpack and stuff everything into it- cigarettes, joints, tampons, hand sanitizer and most importantly- earbuds. I plug in and turn the volume all the way up- I can't afford premium so I just let it shuffle- the first song that comes on makes me feel like I'm in a coming of age movie. I wander the long ghetto streets, watching the people hotboxing they're houses and day drinking- I sure as hell belong in this neighborhood. I'm on my way to meet Damien, we meet up everyday of summer- because he's my only friend. I near the park and see Damien brooding as usual- scoffing at playing children. I don't blame him for hating everything- to be fair- I do to.

   "Hey broody asshole" I laugh handing him a piece of gum

    "Hey faggot" he jokes, taking the gum ever so gently from my hand. We take off to the convenience store, arm in arm, sharing earbuds and stumbling along the roughly paved sidewalk. The commercial lights of the gas station come into view and outside of it, stands a beautiful girl, smoking a cigarette. That was the very moment I fell in love. She's not the type of girl you would expect to see at a shitty gas station, wasting her days when a face as beautiful as hers could bring joy to the world. She surely has better things to do, parents to barbecue with and boys to kiss. I study her a little too closely as we walk past her, and she stops us, and asks us for a dollar, and before I could choke out a response, Damien has invited her to come smoke with us.  She smiles and grabs onto my arm- and it all feels so natural- like I've known her for infinity.