Okay, so at least Drift realised that he had majorly screwed up. He should never have listened to Fletch. He should never have tried to figure out Cove’s feelings by manipulating him. He should never had stood awkwardly for seven minutes in a dark storage room with Benny, poised and waiting for Cove to come in and ‘happen’ to find them in compromising position.

He should never have made Cove cry.

Drift felt worse than he had ever done, even worse than when he had made Cove cry all the other times. He had promised Cove that he wouldn’t humiliate him ever again and he’d gone and done exactly that.

The look on Cove’s face when he had seen Drift with Benny had been enough to make Drift feel like his entire chest had shattered irrevocably. Drift had chased after Cove immediately but the other boy had been so damn quick and now Drift couldn’t find him fucking anywhere.

Drift panted as he leaned against the Salt Room door heavily.

“That’s the third time you’ve tried here,” Robbo looked up grimly from his hammock. “He hasn’t come back yet mate.”

“I don’t know where else to go,” Drift groaned. “I’ve been to the galley, I even bloody woke Gordon up. I went to all the bunkrooms, I’ve checked every fucking cot and hammock. I went to Shin and had to grovel like a madman to let me look in his bedroom.”

“Hey Drift!” Fletch called out from where he was jogging down the corridor. “Any luck?”

“No,” Drift muttered miserably. “Fuck, Fletch why can’t I find him?”

“I’m sorry Drift,” Fletch looked equally depressed. “I’ve tried the storerooms and the cargo hold, I even went to the brig but everywhere’s deserted.”

“Have you looked up on deck?” Robbo suggested.

“Yeah,” Drift nodded. He had already scoured the whole of the deck from starboard to port but there was no one up there tonight.

“What about the crow’s nest?” Robbo shrugged.

“He’s terrified of heights,” Drift shook his head, “I know he’d never go there.”

“Maybe…” Fletch began, chewing at his lip nervously, “maybe that’s exactly why he might have gone there. If he didn’t want you to find him that is.”

Drift stared at Fletch wide eyed for a moment before shouting “fuck!” and running off towards the main stairs.

Please let him be there, please let him be there, Drift prayed as he climbed up the rigging towards the small wooden tub at the top of the mast. The wind was quite strong tonight and Drift’s mind was awash with nightmares of Cove having gone overboard again.

Drift finally managed to heave himself up into the nest, his boots thudding on the wood as he wheeled around. There, hunched and shivering up against the far side was Cove.

Drift immediately moved towards him.

“Don’t,” Cove said, his voice breaking as his shoulders shook with a sob. His face was still buried in his knees but obviously he knew Drift was there.

“Cove, please,” Drift said quietly, “please let me take you down.”

“Go away,” Cove sniffed, still not looking up.

“Cove you’re shaking,” Drift stated pleadingly. He wanted nothing more in the entire world than to wrap Cove up in his arms and get him back below deck.

“Leave me alone,” Cove looked up now, his eyes were red and puffy, his mouth was swollen and tear tracks adorned his cheeks.

“Cove, the wind’s too strong,” Drift replied. “It won’t be safe for you to try and climb down alone.”

“I got up here didn’t I?” Cove snapped.

“And that wasn’t safe!” Drift shouted back.

“Why do you care?” Cove asked, hugging his knees even tighter to his chest. “You don’t even like me!”

“I-“ Drift paused and slumped down so he was sat against the opposite side of the nest to Cove. “I do like you Cove.”

“No,” Cove shook his head vehemently, “you think I’m a pathetic, entitled weak little brat.”

“I don’t think you’re weak,” Drift said urgently, begging the gods to let Cove believe him. “I don’t think you’re pathetic at all Cove, I swear.”

“Then why the fuck am I crying?” Cove sobbed angrily, digging the heel of his palms into his eyes. “I don’t understand why I’m fucking crying!”

“Because I’m an asshole,” Drift offered sadly.

“You,” Cove stopped and wiped his nose on the blue sweater. He wasn’t even wearing a coat, Drift bit his tongue, Cove must be freezing.

“I saw you with Benny. I…” Cove let out a frustrated sob. “I don’t know why it hurt Drift but it hurt so fucking much.”

“I’m sorry,” Drift, scrambled over to Cove, ignoring the other boy’s noise of protest as he swept him into a tight embrace. “I’m so sorry Cove. What you saw though – it’s not whatever you’re thinking it is, I swear.”

Cove started crying again, pressing his face into Drift’s chest as his shoulders heaved up and down. Drift felt his own eyes well up as he stroked his fingers through Cove’s hair, the other hand holding him as tightly as he he could without suffocating Cove.

“Why does it hurt?” Cove cried, turning his face to look up at Drift, desperate and questioning as if he truly did want him to have the answer. “Why does it make me feel so bad that you like Benny?”

“I don’t like Benny,” Drift interjected quickly. “Cove I swear it’s not what you think. It was some stupid joke to try and make you jealous.”

“W-what?” Cove frowned up at Drift, his pale blue eyes wide and glistening in the moonlight.

“I,” Drift found it painful to talk, he could barely get the words out. “Fletch told me I get jealous when other people touch you so we – I”

God it sounded so fucking stupid

“I wanted to see how you’d react if someone touched me instead,” Drift admitted miserably.

“You did what?” Cove had stopped crying now and his voice sounded cold and dangerous.

“Cove, I’m sorry,” Drift bowed down to place his head in Cove’s lap. “I’m so, so sorry Cove. I like you, I really fucking like you and I’ve been so stupid I didn’t want to admit it because I know you hate me and I didn’t know how to get you to like me back.”

“Get me down from here.”

“What?” Drift jerked his head up to see Cove staring straight ahead, his face dead and impassive.

“I want to go down,” Cove repeated.

“O-okay,” Drift nodded, scrambling up hurriedly and moving to help Cove out of the nest onto the rigging. Drift jumped out after him, quickly positioning himself behind Cove like a shield, making sure he was protected from the wind and couldn’t fall. The two of them climbed down together like that, finally reaching the deck below.

Cove turned to walk to the trapdoor that led to the lower decks before he stopped, his back still turned to Drift.

“I’m not going to be sleeping in the Salt Room anymore,” Cove announced. “I’ll leave the Akashi at the next port.”

“Cove-“ Drift started forwards and put his hand on Cove’s shoulder. Cove smacked it away forcefully enough to make Drift shout out in surprise and pain.

“Don’t touch me Drift,” Cove spat, “don’t ever touch me again.”

And with that he lifted the trapdoor and disappeared down the stairs, leaving Drift to stand in the howling wind as his heart fell apart.