“Hey, David?” Adam called out, after a few seconds of silence.

“Yeah?” He had a string of cheese on his chin.

“When do you think Cassie’s coming back?” he asked, looking longingly at a happy couple of teenagers a few tables away from them. They were sharing a smoothie with a heart-shaped silly straw. 

“Well, the teacher said it was just a light flu, so I think she’ll be back soon.”

“I hope you’re right...”

Adam continued to eat the pizza with a sad look on his face. David stared at his friend, and his lips contorted into a malevolent smile.

“...What?”

“You like her~” he chimed provocatively.

“W-well...” he stuttered, his ears turning red. “Of course I do! As a friend, I mean...”

“Do you draw all your friends in Glottic Lolita outfits?”

“But how did you--” He choked on his drink.

“Spice told me about the drawings you have under the bed.”

“Spice, what the fuck?”

“What? There’s no need to feel ashamed.” she said “You’re a young man, with a changing body and interests--”

“Please, stop.”

“By the way, when exactly were you planning on telling me? I always tell you about my crushes…” he sulked.  

“Look, David, the last time I told you I had a crush on someone, you went after the poor girl advertising my qualities for days. You followed her for a whole weekend to discover the ‘perfect way to conquer her heart’, and in the end, she almost got a restraining order on both of us! I know you just wanted to help, but you ended up taking everything to a terrifying level, you know?”

“Ok... But if there’s anything I can help you with--”

“No! Just act normally and don’t try to force things between us. I don’t even know if I’m her type...”

“I think you are. She’s been after you since day one, and you two have a lot in common.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“She loves scary things, and you love to draw them, you have a similar sense of humor, a really dark one, and you’re both dwarfs.”

“I have the average height of a boy my age! You’re just abnormally tall, you fucking giraffe!” he snapped, pointing at his friend and banging his fist on the table. 

“Well, sorry for being healthy,” David said, grabbing another slice of pizza.

“Very well, since we’re talking about crushes, I think it’s the best time to address something that’s worrying me.” Adam adopted a severe tone and crossed his legs.

“What?”

“Nothing much, just a certain twenty-something-year-old woman who teaches us math?” he asked in an accusing tone.

“You’d never understand...” David sighed dramatically.

“What do you even see in a math teacher?”

“Those perfectly hydrated, rosy, kissable lips, and those soft curves that seem to have been drawn by a Renaissance artist. That perfect red hair that makes every autumn leaf green with envy...” he sighed with dreamy eyes.

“What a poet...” Spice commented, audibly rolling her eyes.

“Try to do better then,” David replied.

“David, you shouldn’t be after someone just because of their body. That’s disgusting,” he criticized.

“You didn’t let me finish! I also like the dedication she shows for her work, the way she doesn’t take shit from anybody... I don’t even know how she’s still single!”

“Maybe she’s one of those women who won’t accept less than Prince Charming?” suggested the dead woman.

“She’s so independent and... Oh… If only I’d been born ten years earlier...” he lamented, letting his head fall on the table in a sense of despair “You know what? I’m going to become a priest. That way, no one can judge me for dying alone...”

“For God’s sake, David. There are like, a billion people in America, and about half of them are women. I’m sure you’ll find a younger version of the teacher, who’ll be willing to tie the knot with you, eventually.”

“Numbers, percentages, and odds do not satiate my heart’s hunger for Lilith’s love and affection...” He sighed “Maybe I should steal a horse and go to class dressed in white. Do you think they sell prince costumes my size at Walmart?” he asked jokingly, sitting up straight and grabbing another slice.

“That shouldn’t matter when you’re in love...” he told the ghost.

“Well, unfortunately, status matters, so yeah, you’ll have to deal with that, and accept that you and the teacher will never happen,” she said in a sour tone.

“Ok, that’s enough! You’ll see it! Everyone will see! By the end of the year, I’ll win over Lilith’s heart! And get a kiss on the forehead, with a lipstick stain as proof!” The boy declared, not caring about how much noise he was making. 

“Sure thing, buddy...” he sighed.

“And I'm going to invite you to our marriage. Just so I can rub it in your face.”

“Wait a minute...” he said thoughtfully, with a hand on his chin to give himself a dramatic aura, accompanied by a concentrated look. “I’m noticing a certain pattern in your love life...”

“Ok, let’s hear it,”

“Jenny, Tera, and the teacher all have different personalities. But they’re all women who don’t let themselves be trampled. That’s something they all have in common. However, I don’t think that’s it. After all, there are a lot of girls in our class with that characteristic, and you don’t have a crush on any of them...

“Ok, and?” David wanted to see where he was going with that.

“That’s it, they’re all redheads! You have a thing for redheads with an attitude!”

David leaned back in his chair and slowly applauded him.

“Congratulations... It took you, like, four years to realize I have a thing for redheads that would look good from an upward perspective.” He confirmed.

“Better later than ne--” Adam blinked and looked at his friend.

David had an evil grin on his face.

“I mean… That’s valid.” Who was she to judge him?

“Don’t…” Adam ordered, closing his eyes.

“What?” he chuckled. 

“Why are you like this?” the teen asked, massaging his eyelids.

“Why are you so judgmental?” David counter-argued. 

“I... Fuck it. Let’s just eat, ok?”

The boys continued to eat and talk about mundane stuff, jumping from one theme to another, starting in school, and ending with recent conspiracy theories about WWIII making numbers on YouTube by the time they finished eating.