It turns out 'being on stand-by' is nowhere as fun as it sounds. After we got off the plane, we met up with Adrian. He practically assigned Kianna to be my babysitter, said something about getting a closer look, and left us behind. Kianna decided to have some "girl time" and took me to a busy cafe. And when I say busy, I mean busy. This cafe is as crowded as humanly possible. There's hardly any room to move at all and the line to order is impossibly long. In a word, it's terrifying. As I try my best to stick to Kianna's side, shoulders bumping mine as I shuffle along, I feel like there isn't even enough room to breath. Even worse, as we parade through the crowd, I can feel the stares following us. Following every step, every glance, every breath. Like vultures, their attention tries to pick apart my confidence, pointing out every flaw and weakness. I can hear them whispering. The noise around me seems to grow more intense, and my lungs feel like they're collapsing. Heaving. Begging for air.

"Kianna!" My voice sounds deafening, and I jump, retracting into myself.

Kianna turns back towards me, "Yeah?" she's practically yelling, but her gaze is not focused on me. She's looking around at the people around me. She can hear what they're saying.

"I, uh, I'm going to the bathroom," I blurt out, the restroom sign jumping out at me.

This time, she looks at my face, hearing something strange in my voice. I clear my throat.

"Yeah, okay. What do you want?" She nods towards the menu hanging above the registers.

I glance up hastily, reading the first thing I can find, "The, um, turkey sandwich. No tomatoes."

"Turkey sandwich, no tomatoes," she repeats, turning her attention towards the menu.

I nod, and hurry through the crowd. The voices are echoing in my head, throwing themselves at the walls of my brain in anger. The phrases are jumbled but loud and accusatory. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. What is wrong with me? I've never felt anything like this- this suffocating panic. I throw myself into the bathroom, into a stall, and all but slam the stall door behind me. My breath is fast and heavy, my heart slamming into my rib cage. I try to take a deep breath or two, but my lungs aren't listening to my brain. I sit on the toilet seat, clutching my head in my hands. I try to think of something- anything to calm down. There's a strange feeling of familiarity about my situation. Almost like déjà vu. I open my eyes, and suddenly, I'm not in the bathroom anymore.

I'm on the grassy hill I remember from before. The one where I dreamt I first met Zach. This time, though, the sky is a pale pink, fading into a deep blue. The sun is barely peeking out from beyond the horizon, its light reflecting off the city, thousands of light shards sparkling across my gaze. I want to gasp, to widen my eyes, astonished at the pure beauty, but I'm not in control of my own body. Almost to prove this thought, my head swivels to the right on its own. And there I see someone oddly familiar.

Zach.

His eyes are glued to the city, to the sunrise, the light blue of his eyes glistening with something that looks suspiciously like tears. I tilt my head in wonder. He's crying? My mind wonders. Why? I look back at the sunrise. Yes, it's beautiful, but not tear-jerking. My hand reaches up to my face, wiping at my eyes. My eyes seem suspiciously moist as well.

"Thanks," I mumble, my voice uneasy.

"For what?" I don't face him but I know he's looking at me.

"For coming up here with me. I know I can be a bother."

"What? Of course you're not a bother," he laughs softly, "I chose to come up here. You didn't force me."

"Yeah, I guess."

"What do you mean, 'I guess?' What? You think I came up here because I felt obligated? Well, guess what. I came up here for my own entirely selfish reasons, so there."

I look up, confused, but an easy laugh escapes my chest, "Sure you did."

He chuckles, "Really? What, you want me to tell you exactly why I came up here?"

This time, I let out a loud giggle, "I mean, I'm guessing you'll tell me anyways."

"I came up here," he stands up, "because a pretty girl invited me to see a sunrise," I blush at that, "and I don't have the habit of depriving myself of beautiful things." He sends a pointed look in my direction, and my blush deepens.

After a moment, he sits down beside me, facing the now dusky orange skies, then lays on his stomach, resting his chin on his hands in front of him. I smile, staring out once again at the city. It's still so empty, but not just because there are no people out yet, but because it seems as if the buildings themselves are still asleep, the sidewalks still napping. For just a moment, it feels as if Zach and I are the only living things on earth. For just a moment, I feel safe.

I'm ripped abruptly out of the dream by a loud voice, "Honey, you okay in there?" Suddenly, I'm back in the bathroom stall that had become my pathetic refuge. The voice on the other side of the stall door has a feminine ring, and a slight southern drawl. "Sweetie?" She sounds wary.

"I-" my voice is thick with emotion and I cough, surprised. "I- uh, I'm okay."

"Alright, honey, just wanted to make sure. You sounded like you might've been a bit out of breath."

"Yeah, I- I'm just a bit overwhelmed, is all." It's surprisingly easy to confide in this faceless stranger.

"Oh, sweetie, I understand that. It's alright to take a few minutes to just breathe," the woman pauses, "you need anything?"

I smile half-heartedly, "No, thank you. I think I'll just- uh, stay in here a while."

"Alrighty, then. You have a blessed day."

"Uh, you too," a real smile appears this time at her strange phrases.

I take a deep breath. My heart is slowed, but my mind is whirring. Maybe my 'dream' wasn't really a dream... maybe it was a memory. Maybe I really did know Zach in my beforelife. I mean, I seemed to have known Death, and if that's true, knowing Zach is definitely possible. Wouldn't he have mentioned it before, though? Or maybe he did mention it, and I forgot. I seem to be doing a lot of that lately, after all. Well, I guess the only way to know is to ask him... which I suppose I can't do 'till later.

"It's ok," I mumble under my breath, "focus on one thing at a time. First, Livia. Then, whatever the heck is going on with these... these dreams."

I take another deep breath, then muster up my courage. I swing open the stall door and stride out. The first thing I see is myself. I'm suddenly stuck on the image I see in the mirror. My thick brown waves are slightly dishevelled, and I can't help but run my fingers through the strands, although I know they'll look perfect to whoever sees them, anyways. I know I'll look perfect, but there's still a nagging feeling in my stomach. My eyes are wide and grey, but there's a crazed look in them that unsettles me. I look at the way the loose blouse hangs over my chest and cringe, tugging it up. The jeans Kianna wrestled onto me feel too tight, too flashy. Suddenly. any courage I hold up deflates, leaving me enwrapped in a heavy shell of doubt. I know- I know it's practically impossible for anyone in the world to see me as ugly. So why do I? Why can't I see the beauty everyone else is forced to?

I try to shake off this gravity of emotion, and turn away from my reflection, wrenching the bathroom door open and walking out, my eyes glued to the floor. I find Kianna easily. She doesn't seem to notice the drastic change of emotions I've just experienced. I mean, of course she doesn't. It's not like she can read my mind. I have no right to expect her to notice something as small as my petty emotions. Some part of me still feels hurt for some reason. I brush it off.

Kianna hands me my meal and we head back outside. She's on the phone with someone, but I'm too stuck in my own thoughts to pay attention. I just numbly take a bite out of the sandwich. Immediately, my face twists in disgust. Tomatoes. Didn't I ask for no tomatoes? I can't quite remember, though, so I don't say anything.

"-she's what?" Kianna's volume escalates and I jump, torn from my thoughts. "I'm going to kill that-" she's cut off by whoever's on the other side of the phone. I glance around us as a few curious glances become annoyed glares.

"Um, Kianna, you might wanna be a little more quie-"

"No way can you expect me to be okay with that." The other voice replies in a garble, angrier this time. Kianna grumbles something under her breath then sharply states, "we aren't leaving. If she's not going to choose to cooperate, we'll force her." She hangs up and stuffs the phone in her purse, ignoring the immediate buzzing of another call. Maybe she's talking about Livia? She turns to my terrified gaze and takes my shoulders, not even noticing the concerned faces of our small audience. "It's our time to see Livia."

"It didn't sound very much like that is the case."

"Oh, screw what they think. We aren't leaving."

"They want me to leave?" The weight in my chest drops to my stomach.

"No, no, Sev, of course not. Livia does. That stupid-" she huffs a sigh and starts walking again. I trail behind her tentatively.

"I'm confused."

"Don't worry about it, then."

But her advice is too little, too late.