Inho was surprised that he found an apartment very quickly – within just a week. The process was very different from home. He’d had to stand in a line with other grumpy prospective renters before the harried owner quickly showed everyone around in small groups. Inho was pretty sure he’d only gotten the place because he brought cash with him for a deposit (Nathan’s suggestion) and asked to take it first. The other apartment-seekers stared poison at him when he made his offer. The landlord assumed he was a student at the local university, and he didn’t correct her.

The place came with some sparse furniture, and he splurged on fresh linens and dishes. He felt elated as he lugged his duffel bag from the hateful hostel for the last time. The new apartment had only one room and a tiny bathroom. The bed faced the kitchen and there was no dining table. But still, it was his, and it had a fresh coat of white paint, a big window, and a tiny patio. No matter that the floors were uneven and the walls bulged in places, he had a year lease and it gave him immense relief. It was a sunny Saturday and he cast open the windows to let in the chill breeze. He played pop music from a cheap Bluetooth speaker and danced around the new space with glee. Nobody pounded on the walls for him to shut up.

He was a little breathless but energized when he muted the music and called Jamie. She picked up right away, and he heard the cacophony of a large family of young children in the background. Jamie had 4 younger siblings and was the oldest by a fairly large gap. So a lot of their care fell to her, especially since her father’s health wasn’t great.

“Hey Inho, what’s up? One sec–” a loud thud came through the phone speaker, followed by a child’s wail. Then Jamie’s voice again, far away from the microphone, “C’mere Eli, c’mere, you’re ok. There we are, sit in my lap.” There was a shuffle before she came through clearly again. “Hey sorry, we’re having lunch, and Eli tripped.”

“That’s ok, aw say hi to him for me.”

Inho had never met Jamie’s siblings in person, but he himself was the youngest in his family, and they felt like his own younger brothers and sisters. Especially little Elliot, who had been born only four years ago.

“I wanted to see if you’re free tomorrow since it’s my day off,” he asked after Eliott had chirped back a hello, soothed now from his fall.

“Ah, shi–shoot. Sorry Inho, I’m taking the kids to the zoo tomorrow with my dad.” She said, then clicked her tongue, frustrated. “I’m sorry, I forgot you had it off.”

Inho’s heart sank. It had been so long since they’d had a date. Years maybe, he mused bitterly.

“Maybe you could come with us? You still haven’t met my parents you know.”

“Um…” Inho grimaced as he considered it. He hadn’t met Jamie’s dad, but he’d heard plenty about him. He was a retired professor, an older German man with a sharp temper and extremely high standards. Inho always pictured him rather uncharitably with a small square mustache. Four hyper kids and a grumpy old man didn’t quite set the stage for a romantic time with Jamie, and he just wanted a proper date for once. To have her to his apartment that he worked so hard for, to have her close and hold her, touch her skin, fuck her, and feel that post-sex oxytocin bonding high.

His thoughts went on too long, and the silence grew.

“Inho?”

Before he could answer, he heard her dad’s voice, not even attempting to be subtle,

“Get off the phone Jamie. We’re trying to eat.”

“Jamie, I only want to see you. Can’t you make time for me?” Inho whined. He heard himself do it, and he gave himself a mental slap for the obnoxious tone. Jamie sighed.

“Give me a sec dad,” a shuffle and steps as she moved into the other room. “I’m trying Inho, it’s not a great time, it’s not like you warned me you were coming to Vancouver. You can’t just expect me to drop my responsibilities.”

Her words made Inho feel nauseated. He’d come so far and had been struggling so much just to be with her, and she just saw him as a chore.

“Fine. If you don’t want to see me, you don’t have to.” he knew he sounded petty, and this time he didn’t care.

“Dammit, Inho. You know it’s not that,” her voice raised for the first part then lowered to an angry hiss.

“Whatever. It’s fine,” Inho loaded the words with venom.

“You know what Inho,” Jamie snapped, “I’ve got enough kids to babysit without you acting like one too.”

Inho froze at the ice in Jamie’s voice, but then she sighed again.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that” another heavy sigh, “I just can’t do tomorrow. What about lunch? Can you spare some time for me in the week?”

She sounded so dispirited that Inho forgave her.

“Of course, Jamie. I can come for my lunch hour on Tuesday.”

After their goodbyes, he hung up feeling deflated and turned his music back on to finish cleaning his lonely apartment.

****

Jamie wavered in the hallway, regretting her words and not. It was weird having Inho here, instead of across the Pacific ocean, a 14-hour flight away. She didn’t have to plan ahead to talk to him or rely on video chats, but somehow it felt like even more work this way. She wanted to be grateful that he was here, but he was just so damn needy. Didn’t he understand that she was barely getting by?

She frowned down at her phone, it was lighting up now with a series of emails from her boss. Stephen somehow managed to make the most innocent requests lately seem passive-aggressive. Her stomach flopped. It was terrifying how quickly a mistake at work could take you off track completely. She said a silent prayer that the charges involving the company would disappear before things got worse.

She started composing a reply, and a text popped across her screen from Inho. It just said “I love you” and nothing more. She swiped it aside.

Sometimes she wondered if she loved Inho or just loved having the boyfriend box ticked. Her family might not especially like him, but at least it meant they weren’t putting pressure on her to get married. She had picked him for love, but that was so long ago, and lately, it felt like she just didn’t have the brainpower to tell if that was still the reason they were together.

She felt a pang of guilt. Inho was a sweet nice guy that had flown across the world to see her, and here she was resenting the extra attention.

Why are you like this?

She was too tired to answer her own question, and when her dad yelled at her to join them at the table, she went without further thought.